CF or not?

[warmbath]

Back story, I've taken my primary school boys to an evening judo club for years. Recently I've started sharing lifts with another parent who I know reasonably well and it works well for us as means we each get a week off between doing the judo club run. Another parent (who I don't know at all but my friend does) has asked to join our lift share as her son has just started the club, but with no offer to share lifts in return. She has a nanny who works til late, whereas me and my friend both work full time and have large families. She sent a curt message tonight asking who was going the judo lifts without any offer of doing so herself. Her child is quite rude when I drive him, never says thanks when I drop him and my boys off. My boys said they wouldn't want to go with her anyway as they don't know the family at all. Remembered that I had met her once years ago when we had to pick up our kids from an event that go cancelled and she asked if anyone could pick up her kid - it was late so I brought her son home but found it odd as it was late and dark and the son didn't know me from Adam. She has a normal family with no additional needs children - so is she just a CF and how do I get out of it? I think I might lose my fortnightly lift breaks though.

Anyone?

CF. Run away

She's a cf
I'd just use the munsnet classic of 'no,that doesn't work for me'
You might lose the fortnightly lifts but that's one if those things
I spent years being a doormat for these types and it never ends well
May as well cut the rope now rather than down the line

Just say “sorry, we are happy with the current arrangement” and then block her.

Thanks, you're right!

Problem is that my friend was fine with the new lift share arrangement- shall I just leave them to it?

Can't you ask your friend why the CF woman won't take her turn?

Yeah, that's up to her. I'd message her something like,

"I'm going to opt out of the new lift shares, my kids don't get on brilliantly with X's and I'd probably end up getting frustrated with the lack of reciprocation eventually so it's easier and less stress to back out now. If you feel like going back to the old routine any time do let me know! See you there."

My friend lives very near to the CF so it's really no skin off her nose to take the boy, we don't love a huge distance away as well as he own

Great post, will use it before next week's lift turns

Perfect message

I’d say I’ll do this week, you do next and friend does the week after in rotation as this would be the fairest way. Irrespective of friend living near CF, which she definitely is !

Just send a preliminary rota with the cf in it. Await her Fantastic Excuse... Then bow out.

Thing is that my sons don't want to go in lift shares with a random person they don't know at all and a kid who seems rude - and no real benefit for me other than a 3 weekly break. I think I am going to have to knock it on the head .

I see, I’d missed your post answering perfect message. That is a good decision to leave them to it, it’s a shame but less stressful by far.

Great message.

OP, I can see your original lift share friend getting frustrated with the new arrangement after a short while, as the lifts won’t be reciprocated by the CF, and she’ll end up doing every week. I’d deffo bow out now if your kids don’t feel comfortable with the thought of a lift with her (not that they’d probably get one!).

Though it definitely would’ve been funny to send the CF a lift share rota, to see if she actually did one, and what the excuses were for getting out of it!

Of course that's cheeky of her. Personally I'd ask my friend if she wants to continue as we are, or for me to leave them to it. If it's the latter, I'd take my own kids and no one else's.

Yes definitely CF. This is why I avoid any lift share arrangements altogether, I never get a break but it means the journeys are always on my terms, and anyway I like doing journeys with just me and my dcs.

If your friend is happy to lift share with a CF who doesn't do any lifts (not sure that's a lift share, actually-is it?!) then leave them to it. Send one of the good suggested replies you've had.

Thanks all, great wisdom and suggested approaches. Decided that I will msg them in half term so more under the radar and give one of the excellent excuses given by you lovely lot. Cheers!