Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Coparenting - child wants to text dad

11 replies

FinnV · 11/02/2025 19:34

Hi everyone. My son is 7 and has been given his mums (my ex) old mobile phone (was given it at age 3, so very used to using it). His mum moved over 100 miles away and I do the majority of pick ups and drop offs, however due to this, it means I'm only able to have him every other weekend and 50% of all other holidays. We have a court order that says we can FaceTime Tuesdays and Thursdays only but other arrangements can be made between us. If the calls go on over 20/30 minutes, the phone often cuts out and I can't call back.

Our son often says he misses us and his little sister (with my wife). He has picked up the phone and randomly called or texted before on quite a few occasions (when connected to WiFi as there is no contract associated with this phone). Every time he is told this is not a phone for texting, including to me, and is punished for it.

Today on our FaceTime he asked his mum in front of me if he could text me about a game we play together. He was told he must not do this again and he ended up sobbing in tears. I asked if I could buy a phone for him to use (which I'd be happy for him to use both ways if he wanted to) and got no reply.

He's a really lovely boy and the best big brother ever. We miss him a lot when we don't see him and in the court order contact was taken down from 3 calls per week (parenting plan) to 2, I was fighting for a joint lives with order and that was my priority/focus as advised by solicitor (and was successful).

Can I get advice please? The relationship with mum is very strained, she resents me for leaving the relationship and often says to him that I left them. I pay child maintenance every month and even increased it when he started school to cover any costs and avoid us having to talk about money. I can't have him crying because he can't simply text me - it's awful for him. What should we do? Negotiating with mum is likely out of the question unfortunately.

OP posts:
LePetitMaman · 11/02/2025 23:56

Why did a court order reduce your phonecalls from 3 to 2?

FinnV · 12/02/2025 00:09

LePetitMaman · 11/02/2025 23:56

Why did a court order reduce your phonecalls from 3 to 2?

His mum requested it as said 3 was too onerous in her. My solicitor advised to pick our battles and focus on the joint lives with order instead

OP posts:
FinnV · 18/02/2025 20:28

Hi everyone. Long story short my ex and I have a court order in relation to our 7 year old son. It was because we couldn't communicate without argument - he lives with me 50/50 of holidays and every other weekend (as mum moved over 100 miles away when he was 2, so can't have him more than that due to school). I've never faulted on paying child support. Court order says FaceTimes twice per week.

He's had his mums old phone since age 3 and had started to ask if he can text me on it. I've said it's fine, but his mum has said no.

He's also been given a play station and has asked to add me, his mum has said no.

It's now got to the point where he cries over this.

What should I do? Court cost £6k 18 months ago. Do I go back or do I just put up with this? Can't take him being so upset. I feel as though he should be allowed to text me during his screen time hour(s) - is this reasonable?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 21:13

Because on "her" contact time, you can't try and encroach by trying to get him to text you, and contact you on the PlayStation, as well as the (more normal) facetimes which a court have reduced, so you're clearly coming across as trying to force your presence in her house.

Leave the woman alone and stop the "but he cries" stories, it's really manipulative. You're taunting him with things that he is too young to understand are unacceptable for you to do, then making it out to be bad mummy who isn't allowing it.

The courts seem to have the measure of the situation.

FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:17

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 21:13

Because on "her" contact time, you can't try and encroach by trying to get him to text you, and contact you on the PlayStation, as well as the (more normal) facetimes which a court have reduced, so you're clearly coming across as trying to force your presence in her house.

Leave the woman alone and stop the "but he cries" stories, it's really manipulative. You're taunting him with things that he is too young to understand are unacceptable for you to do, then making it out to be bad mummy who isn't allowing it.

The courts seem to have the measure of the situation.

Nope. But thanks for your aggression. Get a feeling if I posted this as a "mum" I'd have got a kinder response! 👍

OP posts:
MyYearThisYear · 18/02/2025 21:22

If this was mum posting the response would be different. Son is number 1, his needs before urs or ex, appreciate there will be history and 2 sides to this but I'd suggest back to court.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/02/2025 21:24

It must be hard that he got moved so far away. But… In my opinion he’s far too young to be texting and going online chatting on a PlayStation. It’s also true that the court has mandated 2 face times a week so it must be gently explained to the boy that he can’t contact you outside of these times for now. Maybe when he is a bit older.

20/30 mins seems long enough to me for a video call on a school night. I know you’ve got a tricky relationship with his mum but you MUST try, please, to remain neutral and a “united front” with his mum. It will really screw your kid up if you are always at odds. Believe me I know.

Please don’t call everyone who disagrees with you “aggressive” / the beauty of this forum is getting other opinions.

FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:26

MyYearThisYear · 18/02/2025 21:22

If this was mum posting the response would be different. Son is number 1, his needs before urs or ex, appreciate there will be history and 2 sides to this but I'd suggest back to court.

Thanks. I agree he is number 1. I think there could be a balance. Eg: he can text when he has screen time or 2 times per week etc. I'd also be happy for him to text her when he's home with me.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:26

I never understand the encroaching on time thing. I text my parents daily and I’m 42 but a child is expected to wait to tell the non resident parent about their day? That’s bs to me. That said, I’d wait until secondary and he’ll have a phone and will message you lots. Maybe buy him a diary he can write what he wants to text and then tell you on the face time calls?

FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:27

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2025 21:26

I never understand the encroaching on time thing. I text my parents daily and I’m 42 but a child is expected to wait to tell the non resident parent about their day? That’s bs to me. That said, I’d wait until secondary and he’ll have a phone and will message you lots. Maybe buy him a diary he can write what he wants to text and then tell you on the face time calls?

Thank you - this is a great idea as he loves writing too.

OP posts:
FinnV · 18/02/2025 21:33

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/02/2025 21:24

It must be hard that he got moved so far away. But… In my opinion he’s far too young to be texting and going online chatting on a PlayStation. It’s also true that the court has mandated 2 face times a week so it must be gently explained to the boy that he can’t contact you outside of these times for now. Maybe when he is a bit older.

20/30 mins seems long enough to me for a video call on a school night. I know you’ve got a tricky relationship with his mum but you MUST try, please, to remain neutral and a “united front” with his mum. It will really screw your kid up if you are always at odds. Believe me I know.

Please don’t call everyone who disagrees with you “aggressive” / the beauty of this forum is getting other opinions.

Thanks for responding. I agree he is young - but he is able to do it with his nan and cousin (on his mums side).

I also agree that not everyone who disagrees is aggressive, but saying "leave the woman alone" is a far stretch bearing in mind I've asked a site called 'mumsnet' for advice before responding.

I'll attempt to explain it better to him.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread