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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

SS mums BF is hurting him.

11 replies

Hsolley0904 · 08/02/2025 20:58

This may be a long one and I hope I explain it clearly so please excuse me if I don’t.
I was just sat playing with my 6yo SS and he hit my leg; obviously I just told him not to and to be gentle. He then offered me his arm and said I could hit him back which I found weird so I explained that just because he hit me doesn’t mean I would ever hit him back. I proceeded to ask him if anyone hits him, he said yes. I asked who and after a few guesses it turns out it’s his mums boyfriend. I’ve not met him but I know he has a bit of a reputation for being a lowlife.

We have my stepson every weekend and he goes to his mums (her BF lives with them) where he goes to school; they live about an hour away from us.
My partner and I really don’t feel comfortable sending him back tomorrow knowing he’s in the house where he is being hurt, but obviously don’t want him missing school. His attendance is already 80% and when we asked his mum why, her response was ‘well at least it’s not 70%’. We are so unsure how to approach this. We feel social services would be worth contacting but not sure how to approach this. Anyone know?

Also, any advice on how to deal with a situation like this.

long term the option of having him all week and finding him a school near us would be ideal, but obviously can’t happen overnight.

OP posts:

Msmoonpie · 08/02/2025 21:04

If you have concerns you need to speak to social services - and stop asking him questions or making suggestions of who/what is happening.

Merrygoround8 · 08/02/2025 21:06

Does he have marks on him?
”after a few guesses” might not be quite enough to go on…. Kids can often follow leading questions, and some kids can embellish or tell fibs. That is NOT to say you don’t take this seriously but for instance my child will often tell fibs (we are working on it), for instance that she sat alone for lunch at school. I know this isn’t true from photographs on Class dojo. She will say “Daddy pushed me!!” when upset when I have seen him with my own eyes not push her.

I would remain curious and try if you can to record what he says next time you casually bring it up. It sounds like it might do more harm than good for him if you go in guns blazing to the mum. Perhaps a first port of call would be mentioning to his school safeguarding lead. THEY can explore with him and then refer to social services - might just reduce the “your word against ours” you might face with mum and BF.

BeSharpBee · 08/02/2025 21:07

Get in touch with the relevant authorities but don't further probe the child or ask leading questions.

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UbiquitousObjects · 08/02/2025 21:09

after a few guesses it turns out it’s his mums boyfriend

This is not a reliable account. It's likely the child has told you what your face and tone indicated you wanted him to say.

Who were the first few 'guesses' out of interest?

mindutopia · 08/02/2025 21:10

He’s only making it to school 4 days a week on average and his mum’s boyfriend has been (allegedly) hitting him. I think this is one of those situations when you find a way to make the drive to school and you keep him safe. It will mean disruption to your life in the same way a serious illness or emergency would, but that’s being a parent. You find a way to make it happen.

DonnatellaLyman · 08/02/2025 21:14

I would take him to school on Monday and ask, face to face, to speak to one of the safeguarding team.

Tell them what you have said here, they will know how to support your DSS after his disclosure, and will know the next steps to take.

Original poster

Hsolley0904 · 08/02/2025 21:14

UbiquitousObjects · 08/02/2025 21:09

after a few guesses it turns out it’s his mums boyfriend

This is not a reliable account. It's likely the child has told you what your face and tone indicated you wanted him to say.

Who were the first few 'guesses' out of interest?

Maybe I worded this wrong. I didn’t ask him if it was certain people. I asked a few questions about hitting and he told me his mums boyfriend hits him.

I told his dad and his dad asked him if what he has told me was true. He lied to his dad and said he didn’t want to tell him because he didn’t want to get his mums boyfriend in trouble so he told me instead.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hsolley0904 · 08/02/2025 21:15

DonnatellaLyman · 08/02/2025 21:14

I would take him to school on Monday and ask, face to face, to speak to one of the safeguarding team.

Tell them what you have said here, they will know how to support your DSS after his disclosure, and will know the next steps to take.

This is a good idea.

OP posts:

fedup1212 · 08/02/2025 21:18

I would report to SS with your concerns.

I'd also stop questioning him. It's a big no no as it needs to be lead by the child rather than the adult asking the questions? At least that's what I thought anyway!

Original poster

Hsolley0904 · 08/02/2025 21:25

fedup1212 · 08/02/2025 21:18

I would report to SS with your concerns.

I'd also stop questioning him. It's a big no no as it needs to be lead by the child rather than the adult asking the questions? At least that's what I thought anyway!

We’re not going to question him anymore, but when he asked me to hit him back, I wasn’t not going to ask where that’s come from.

OP posts:

JazzyBazzy79 · 08/02/2025 22:13

Please protect this baby and don't allow him to be sent to the mothers house. SS need to be involved immediately if he is being abused. You and your partner have the power to protect this child and to save his life.

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