Help 😭 15 month old needs rocked or BF to sleep and we are EXHAUSTED

[NattyBeaker]

If anyone has any tips I'd really appreciate it because I'm so broken and so is my husband.
15 month old is being fed to sleep for naps and nights because we've gotten back in to the habit after weeks of molars and illness. Now I can't put her down in her crib without her instantly waking and crying. Tried leaving her for 5 mins and going in to settle her but she's always standing up so don't think she'll ever lie down. Tried refusing to bf for maybe 20 minutes but it is just the only thing that definitely works. Going to get a sleep consultant but she can't come for another month.
How do you get a 15 month old to lie down themselves and go to sleep or is it a ridiculous assumption and this is just what babies do?? I can't let her cry it out and even if I could my husband always breaks first anyway

I'm also thinking of stopping bf soon but just don't ever see how it's possible without fights and tears

Can the sleep consultant not start with some guidance via what’s app? A month is really long

Look at the pantley pull off
it’s very gentle for night weaning
no cry sleep solution - hopefully the book is still around

Hopeful bump

Can you sit down on chair by cot and rock side to side cuddling first for a while? I wanted to stop BF around then and tried gradually and didn’t work. So at 17 months put apple cider vinegar on my boobs and daughter was rightly repulsed and got the message very quickly. Two nights of a few bouts of crying mourning the boobs but still cuddled and stayed with her, wasn’t nice; but then she was over it. Then just cuddled her on chair to sleep or in cot patting and she accepted that!

We had a very similar issue and what worked for us was actually me staying out of the room. My husband goes in for any wakes so she knows BF is not an option. He put a chair by her bedroom door and will lie her back down, give her back a rub until she calms down and then sit in the chair until she's asleep. If she stands up again, repeat the process. After a few nights, as soon as he walked in she'd lie herself down and then she stopped waking up at all.

Sarah Carpenter was the sleep consultant we had, she's brilliant!

@User69611 that's one way to do it 😆

@EvelynSalt I'll message her too thanks! She just stands up crying straight away but maybe we're giving in too soon. So he'd stay in the room with her and keep laying her back down?

Can you try cosleeping? She's so little she still needs comfort. I still feed my baby to sleep and he's almost 2! It sounds like she wants her mummy and daddy. I know it's hard but I would just try the path of least resistance at the moment so you can all get some sleep. Cuddling / feeding to sleep - whatever works

Feed her, put her in her cot and leave the room. When she cries/gets up go in, don’t say anything or look her in the eye just pick her up, comforting shush sounds then put her back down and leave the room. Repeat.

@blossomhoney2 she doesn't sleep well beside she wakes up loads crying. If she slept better beside me I'd happily cosleep with her (I'd love it and kick dh out).
So when she wakes in her cot we struggle to get her back down, even if I feed her she is just suckling for ages. And if I take her beside me we both have a bad sleep and she's really tired the next day.

@blossomhoney2 does he wake through the night?

How long do you have to spend feeding/rocking her to get to bed? Everyone is different but personally I just chose to pick my battles, they are only little for a short time and won't need this in few years time. If it's taking 20-30 mins of your evening I'd take that over hours of stress trying to wean off / self settle personally. Unless she's waking multiple times a night and you're having to do it then too?

I fed DD to sleep while she was BFing. She stopped at 18 months. She had advanced quite a lot in the month previously and didn't seem to care/ need it anymore. What is making you so exhausted? Does it just take ages?

Yep, he just lies her back down, pats her tummy or back then retreats to the chair. It was hard at first but again because it wasn't me, she seemed to get it much quicker. I went instead a couple of times and she was like a different baby, instantly riled up and angry / upset that i wasn't picking her up to feed.

Other things we did, started giving her some porridge before we go up to do bath time each night. Also pushed her bedtime back so she's definitely tired.

I'm sorry you're going through it, it's soul destroying and I just broke down and cried quite a bit! Then decided to seek some help which made me feel a lot less alone / clueless about what to do. But this too shall pass, as they say.

Cross posted with you but I agree! It wasn't much later that DD didn't really need it anymore

I agree with this too. In our case, baby was waking multiple times through the night wanting comfort feeds and I had gone back to work so was at breaking point with little sleep. I had assumed you're having similar issues, but if it's just at bedtime and then she sleeps through, I'd probably take that!

She goes to bed fine, sometimes she sleeps through maybe once a week. But more often she wakes at 11, 2, 3, sometimes she's up for an hour crying at any of those times til I put her back on the boob and then she's suckling for ages and ages. If I take her off again we're back to the start. It never used to be like that, she used to just go straight back to sleep so I've never minded getting up and feeding her or rocking her as it was manageable but this doesn't feel manageable. Last night she woke at half 12, we tried rocking and putting her back down or feeding and putting back down but when she hits the cot she wakes crying. So I just took her beside me eventually (like 2am) but even then she's suckling for ages or moving about and not going to sleep, she's never really slept well beside me i think she actually likes her cot more. But it's the getting her back to sleep in the wee hours in the cot we are struggling with.

Hopefully it's a phase. Until a month ago she was sleeping through with one waken about 3am and that was fine. I'd take her beside me at that time.

Cosleeping or having her on a mattress on the floor in her own room is so much easier than a cot. You can just feed her and then roll away. And you can be comfy and read your book while she feeds.

To explain better- bed isn't safe at that age due to height, so get a single mattress. You feed lying down, on your side, so there is no transition. You just quietly roll away when she drops off. Once she is a little older and bigger you can get a bed to put the single mattress on, so it won't be wasted.

I know you say she prefers the cot but she won't be in a cot forever so you may as well make the transition now, and she will get used to it-- plus easier for you to sneak away. Be careful with the sleep consultant as some of them are snake oil salesmen and don't really understand how it works with BF babies/toddlers.

I’ve just put my mumsnet hard hat on to shout

read Gina Ford

you’ll never look back

No helpful advice sorry but my 13m old is exactly the same! I didn’t realise it wasn’t the norm until he started nursery though so maybe I got him into the habit idk 🙈 They do rock him to sleep at nursery as otherwise he wouldn’t nap (sometimes doesn’t 😭) but I know he is the only one so he is the ‘difficult’ baby. I have started at night just cuddling to sleep or lying in bed with him (my bed) until he falls asleep and then transferring to his cot. I have been debating getting a floor bed for him, I know you said she prefers her cot but maybe a floor bed of her own could work so you could just slip away when she’s half asleep or asleep?
following to see if you have any success, good luck!!

Find a good sleep consultant would be my advice. A proper one, not from instagram, someone with proper qualifications and experience in childcare.

Get her a floor bed instead of a cot, feed to sleep lying down and then roll away.