I need help - can't stop the boob monster

[DelphiniumHolly]

Hi,

I really need some help to stop BF. My son has just turned 3, and I'm now more than ready for our journey to come to an end. For context, there isn't any milk being produced (or very very minimal), so he is purely using my breasts as comfort.

The problem is he is obsessed with BF. DH and I have tried so many different ways to bring this to an end - gentle techniques like never offering the boob, to me staying away from home from a few nights to try and break the habit. He won't accept a teddy or comforter instead. Nothing has worked!!

It is affecting sleep for both of us. If I'm at home he wakes around 3 times each night, taking up to an hour to settle again - if I say no to him BF he cries for hours and hours with no one (including his older brother) getting any sleep, and the same happens if DH attempts to settle him instead. When DH takes them to his parents or I'm away, he wakes once and is quickly settled back to sleep by DH in about 10 minutes.

Its making me feel like a terrible mum becuase I seem to be the problem in this scenario! Apart from me never sleeping in the family home again, does anyone have any tips or ideas as to how I can get him to stop wanting BF for comfort? I've read about getting massive plasters for my nipples and saying they're poorly, has anyone tried this? Please help!

P.s. I'm not willing to leave him to it crying in his room alone. My parents used this technique on me when I was child, and I vividly remember being terrified and distressed. It took me years to establish better sleeping habits and I still don't like sleeping alone.

Thank you!

In these circumstances I would buckle up for a few bad nights (maybe take the time off work if possible) and go cold turkey. You already know the issue is the expectation because he settles fine if you're not there. Put on a tight sports bra and tell him they're closed/broken/whatever. Expect not to get any sleep and to catch up in the daytime. Comfort and stay with him, just do not give in. Eventually he WILL wear himself out and fall asleep again, and a maximum of three nights is likely to break the habit.

Short term pain for long term gain.

I think it will be hard and you will have some broken nights, but you need to be consistent and you will get there. I started with dd (who was at this point a bit younger than you dc) and limited to one feed a day, only at bedtime, never at any other time, then we moved to ‘big girl now, milk from a cup’ and just did not change that message. It feels impossible when they protest so passionately, but in a few days they will accept a change. Good luck.

Sorry OP, whether or not anyone has opinions on a child his age breastfeeding, if there's no longer any milk it's past the point of being appropriate now.

He's 3 and it's time to tell him it's finished. You don't have to leave him to cry, you can cuddle him and empathise with him.

I also had a 3 yo boob monster (only at night as well) and it took about 1-2 months to transition to rocking back to sleep. When they wake in the night I would always try rocking to sleep first, if the crying got more distressed or too loud then I would go back to feeding until they were calm and pop them off or sometimes feed back to sleep. It did eventually work and they were okay with rocking back to sleep, but it took a while. At this time I also bought a kids book about stopping bf at night and read it together before bed each night.