Social services haven’t contacted me after police said they made a referral for domestic incident that happened in front of my child

[Mum19991999]

It’s been a week since the police visited and still not even a call from the social services, no contact whatsoever. I was wondering if they would contact me at all. The domestic incident was the only one in 4 years of being together due to my ex partners mental health (currently going through a diagnosis for bipolar). He was having a manic episode and had convinced himself I was cheating and smashed my phone. Whilst this happened there was a struggle to get my phone back where I was accidentally hit not hard enough to make any marks. As soon as the incident happened u made him leave. This was whilst my 2 year old was in the room. I told the police what had happened and told them it was his mental health and he has been struggling recently with delusions. Has anybody got any advice

What do you want to happen next? Is he seeking and accepting mental health support?

Your partner physically absused you and emtionally absused your child. This doesn’t sound like a safe enviornment for a child.

we are currently not together nor living together he hasn’t been to my house since the incident. He is currently paying for private therapy. I haven’t let him see my daughter at all since the incident either. I just want to know why the social services haven’t contacted and if they do what will happen.

Well why don’t you call them and chase?

i Didn’t know you could do this

I agree with @UsernamePain rather than have the stressful wait I would call them. They will be looking to see your child is safe and at the moment they are.

I was thinking to call, but I didn’t know if it was better just to wait for them to contact. I have never had involvement with them at all, so I didn’t know how long it takes for them ti contact etc

What support do you want from them? Police may make a referral but the immediate risk has been removed by him leaving.

I don’t want there support, I don’t really want them involved at all but I understand that is out of my hands because what my ex has done. I’m happy in knowing I can keep my daughter safe. I have even put in place a third party to help with him seeing my daughter after his sorted himself out. But as of now he has also agreed it’s not the best time for himself to see our daughter.

I used to work closely with social services. Sometimes I would bake them to go into your child or family when I had had terrible things disclosed to me. They were so short staffed that they couldn't always go.
If this was a first incident they might not do anything about it at all.
I'm talking about repeated violence, sexual abuse, neglect etc. it might not be enough to trigger anything. Particularly if you're not living with him and seem to have put sensible measures in place I imagine if they do get in touch it would just be for a conversation.

Did the police give you a liaison officer you could call to ask what will happen next? That way you could ask anything you want to know and ask how to find out or get in touch with the ss department they contacted.

I'm thinking that, as it was an accident and you immediately ensured your husband left and is staying away, you and your daughter are safe and your DH is in agreenent with the arrangements, social services won't do much other than check in on you.

I hope you're ok – it must have been veey distressing for you.

They may not ever contact you. They will review the referral information given and make an initial decision based on this. If they are aware for example that the perpetrator is no longer in contact or not in sole care of the child they may feel this is sufficient. I’m not saying this is acceptable just they get a high volume of referrals (every child who attends A&E to start with and most parents who attend A&E with their own mental health if they have dc) they have to prioritise or triage.
Yes absolutely if you would like their help or support you can self refer the number will be on your local council website.

Sorry, ex partner, not husband. Just woken up!

Your case isn't at a threshold where social care will insist on action. You seem to have responded protectively towards your child in responce to the incident and are reporting this as a one-off.

There is lots of (non-judgemental) support out there for situations like yours, but only if you want that help. If you don't, I doubt you'll hear from social care.

I think the incident was automatically flagged to SS because of the police involvement in DV. I'd hazard a guess that because he doesn't live with you it isn't being treated as urgent and they will be dealing with a multitude of cases that are desperately urgent. They'll probably check in on you when they can to see if you're OK. Just my guess.

I’m fine thankfully enough, he was very understanding on my decision to keep them separate for a while. And I do have one I will call her Monday x

Hi im new to this but this is the only post i have seen that i remotely similar to my situation and I have suffered with anxiety almost all my life so i have questions, last august the social services contacted me about my ex parter, his mum was on end of life (she passed later that month) and he was working heavily doing grounds work that week, i had gone out of town and he had my then 1.5 year old overnight and jis dad didnt wake up straight away when the baby woke up, long story short a nurse (who was later found to of acted innapropriatly by removing my child from the ear shot of dad and placing him downstairs with grandma who was bed bound) made a milicious claim to SS as we had previously made complaints about her care for end of life grandma, social got involved but i had already safe gaurded my child and put a plan in place for dad to get more rest and get through the grief with supervised contact through myself.. frkm inital phone call to end.. there was no concerns for my child at all throghout the assesssment, fast forward to now, in the past 5 weeks we have rekindled and things were going really really well, baby happy, us happy, last week i found some evifence that he had been speaking to a girl whilst we had split, jealousy sparked and i was hurt, i did send him text after text all day and ring him multiple times begging him to come home, then when he didnt i staryed to get angry and say some things about him and these girls (love hurts and i have no excuse but to try be better from now on how i respond) but my partner responded in a rage, said he was going to hurt me, came back to his house where me and his baby was upstairs and i had locked the door, hed had a drink and was drunk so when met with the locked door he shouted and put the window through, he knew we was upstairs, he rang the police on himself as he immediatly regretted it, the police came and saw my child, playing happy with his cars and well dressed clean nappy ect all fine no concerns, my questions are what happens now? Its been 24 hours i have not had contact from social services, will they contact? I have already proved i can safegaurd my child on both occasions and no charges was made, no past incidents of dv ever, how long do they have to contact me?

Sometimes the police can take a while to write the report - so it might not go to the SW team until a week later.

These days with the police and SW being as busy as they are it wouldn’t surprise me if they hadn’t bothered to write a report at all!

Thanks for replying, i had a singular phone call from a council number on thursday, 11 days after the incident but i missed the call, i have had a problem with a neighbour (noise complaint for music and singing) and when i rang the council they told me they couldnt tell me which department and i had to wait for them to ring back.. now my thinking was if it was social services they would of left a voicemail/tried to ring again/tried to ring the day after? But nothing.. today is sunday, 2 weeks after the incident and i have had a private number ring me twice within ten minutes but my phone blocks private calls as iv had malicious private numbers call and spamd in the past, surely social services wouldnt ring me twice off a private number on a sunday? Weekend is called as a emergency social worker for children that are in immediate concern that cant wait until the day after... but my anxiety is terrorizing me since the incident happened, the last time they was involved i knew i had done nothing wrong, i know i look after my child to the best of my ability all of the time and even then i was the same, them being involved sent my anxiety into overdrive, i love my child more than anything or anyone that walks this earth, he is shown so luch love, he has never gone without! weather it be food, clothes, toys, days out, every day i try to teach him new things and better him emotionally and educationally, i would and always have done the best by him so why am i so so anxious, i know they wouldnt have grounds to take my child because of all reasons listed so why am i so paranoid and panicky, the best thing for me is obviously for them to not get involved and just leave me to safegaurd my child like i have already proved i can and will do.. would they ring on a thursday once and then nothing? Would they ring on a sunday, logic is telling me no but anxiety is telling me maybe it could be, ugh i hate myself

Did you ever get this resolved ?