DH says I'm not affectionate enough with DD

[donniedarko89]

DH has said multiple times he thinks I am not an affectionate mother. This is very hurtful. I love DD so much and I am constantly giving her kisses and making up games with her. I'm just not much of a hugger, which seems to be DH's biggest complaint (with him as well). I need a bigger physical space than most people, always have done. So for example I don't like snuggling up on the sofa. I grew up with a very cold mother and I don't think I am like her at all - just not very much of a hugger, but I make up for it with other physical contact (kisses, dancing together etc). What do you think?

If your daughter comes to you for a hug do you turn her away?

No of course not!

I would work on hugging my child unless they were not happy with it. Even if I felt I was affectionate in other ways , if I knew I avoided hugs I'd work on it as I wouldn't want them to feel that I didn't hug them.

I think cuddling is important so I would work on giving your daughter hugs e.g. in the morning and at bedtime, when saying hello and goodbye etc. Kisses only does sound rather cold and formal.

PS. I mean most people hug at random whenever they feel like it but if it's hard for you you could choose certain times to remind yourself. I do think having a tactile parent is emotionally and psychologically important for children.

I think you sound like a lovely mum.

it sounds like you agree with your husband. You are not much of a hugger. My mum wasn’t but like you showed her love and affection in a million other ways.

I mean that's your answer then, it sounds like you're absolutely an affectionate mum! You have a husband problem though I'm afraid. That sounds like a really nasty comment to make to you, especially if he knows what your childhood was like. Why is he trying to hurt you?

I would tell him that everyone expressed themselves differently, it's good for DD to grow up understanding this and completely unacceptable for him to dictate what you do with your body/ personal space.

This isn't about your husband, you say you don't hug your daughter. For your daughter I think hugs are important. That doesn't mean you have to hug other people, or your husband.

Some people don't like hugs. I'm one but grew up with a mother that does. The line I have heard from being about 10 is "I know you don't like hugs but I need one so I'm going to hug you anyway"
I hated my mum trampling on my needs to fulfill her own. Hugs aren't required to show affection. I'm not one to tell people I love them but I keep my body language open with my daughter I tell her I love her and offer her hugs when I think she needs one but never force one on her.
There are a lot of way to show love and affection with hugs and acting like a hallmark card. If you are fulfilling your daughter emotional needs I wouldn't fret too much.

I am not a huggy, kissy slobbery person neither. Everyone has their language of love. If your daughter feels loved and her emotional needs are being met, that is what is important.