Worried about number 3 - any advice please

[worriedaboutnumber3]

Hello

I am 9 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby and am terrified. I am feeling as though I can barely cope with my exising 2 at the moment, so god knows how I will cope with another. This baby was completely unplanned and my DH is resigned rather than pleased. We were toying with the idea of a 3rd but then it just happened and now I have got terrible anxiety about it.

How will we ever afford it? How can I give them each enough time and attention? How will my DH not end up resenting me, and me him? Every time there is a problem, he might say "well, I wasn't sure about having a third...." which is a bit late. My DDs wil be 3.8 and 1.9 when this one arrives, which seems very young. I, incidentally, am very old (late 30s).

I am not particularly worried about the pregnancy or the birth, but the aftermath. I don't see any option other than to continue with the pg, but am just feeling rather overwhelmed by it all today. Has anyone else felt the same and then felt better once the baby was here?

Sorry for the moan. I hope it was OK to put this in parenting topic but it didn't really seem to fit anywhere.

Thanks in advance. I need to go out to playgroup now,but wanted to get it off my chest first.

No advice as I only have 2 but I had similar concerns when I was pg with dd2 however, when she came along I just got on with it. There was enouigh love, I made enough time and I dare say I would do the same with another one. You will find a way to cope it is nature that you will. With regards to you and dh resenting each other I think you should discuss this now. It took 2 of you to get baby in there so this is no ones fault. Please deal with this issue and I hope you feel better about things soon. Take care.

Thanks.

Anyone else??????

i was 26 when i discovered i was 4 months pregnnt with my 3rd i wasnt sure and i did look into the 'options' being so far along already limited me and i continued i already had a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old we had just moved to another area i had a good job so did dh and financially we were at our best- dh was not impressed and still to this day will say my pill taking brought about ds3 (my gp became quite cross at this apparently NO contraceptive is 100% even steriliztion the only way to be sure you wont get pregnant is not to have sex he told me) well 7 years on ds3 is a wonderful addition to our fmily hes such lovely boy and is doted on by us all,spoilt rotten by his brothers and really i couldnt be without him - whilst on holidy before he was born i was sat sobbing in the bathroom thining how id spoilt our family by falling pregnant i ctually cried myself sick.
If you met us you would think he was a very planned for child in fact people ssume because of the age gap of our other 2 ds we had problems conceiving and it has been suggested that is why all our family is so devoted to him - clearly thats not true!.

i think your hormones are all pickled and you will find your life and family enhanced by your new addition - take care x

am 38 and just had 3rd 3 wks ago. Yes, it is chaotic and messy and slightly does my head in, but we all love her and it has changed family dynamics in a good way. Prob will be a bit difficult (as things were when 2nd came) but also wonderful. You will have a lovely new person to get to know.

Hi there

I don't have very much advice but thought I could at least offer some solidarity.

We are in exactly the same position. We were discussing no 3 and I had just started to think "maybe not" when I found out I was pregnant.

I have been up, down and all over the place since finding out. Its confusing because I have been soooo broody for the past couple of years and was only thinking we shouldn't go ahead for practical and financial reasons.

If I'm honest, I know that adore my kids and love the fact that I have the chance to do it all again, but am worried about the effect it will have of the rest of the family.

However, I was one of 3 and so was DH. Neither set of parents had much money and we came through it ok, in fact we both have lots of happy memories that have nothing at all to do with whether our families were rich or poor, but more to do with the fun we had together.

My DH has been going through all the same thoughts and worries as me but the most important thing is that we have kept talking about it. He too wasn't that keen on having another but I had just managed to talk him round and then got cold feet myself! Didn't change his reaction when he found out it had happened though!

At least we have a good few months to keep up the dialogue, make plans and get organised and I am trying to remain optimistic that we will get it all sorted out - emotionally, financially etc etc before the due date!

I always think things are easier to face when you are as in control as possible and so I've already started costing things out (we have got rid of all our baby equipment!). I found that most things can be bought fairly cheaply - there is even a cot in IKEA for £29.00! I am buying maternity clothes off ebay and will research any/all major buys and get the best deal as we go along. I'm planning to save money by buying plently of white sleepsuits that come in multi-packs and a couple of nice jackets/cardigans to go over the top. Oh - and of course breastfeeding is free .

I suppose the first few months will be hard, but that's such a small part of a childs life it will probably be tough at the time yet gone in a flash.

I really think communication is the key with DH, it is important he understands your worries and how you feel so that he can support you and so that neither of you feel alone with your worries. As I said to my DH the other day "I might be pregnant but we are BOTH expecting a baby!"

Sorry, I haven't been able to help much - just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling like this.

Hope you are able to reach a point where you can be a bit more optimistic and start to enjoy your pregnancy soon.

I only have 2 DS myself but I am the middle on of 2 children and I had the best childhood. There is always somebody to play with and I only have happy memories and we had no money. To this day by little sis is my best frined and my big bro is a great friend too.

Thank you all so much. I think feeling constantly sick and tired has a lot to do with the ambivalent feelings.

I am sure that once things settle a bit I'll feel a bit brighter. I just look at the 2 of them and how well it works (most of the time!) and think I must have been bonkers when I had the, er, lapse and didn't do anything with the MAP. Still, perhaps it's meant to be.

Thanks again for taking the time to post - I really do appreciate it.

Hi there, I shall be watching this thread closely. I have 2 ds and we are considering a 3rd. One day it is absolutely what we want and I feel incredibly broody. The next I am overwhelmed with panic that I won't cope financially, emotionally etc. We really don't know what to do.

There was a thread recently about how 3rd babies are always adorable and easy-peasy.

Seriously though, I found no3 a piece of cake as i've been so much more confident. DP was ambivalent about a third (that's an understatement) but adores him now. He's just slotted in as though he was always meant to be, and I bet you'll find you're third does the same.

Good Luck.

Oh......and I was 41 when i had him, so no more of this "old" business

bump for the evening crowd...

bump for the evening crowd...

Am writing this while no 3 (8 weeks) is flat out asleep on my lap. I was terrified too about how I'd cope with 3, it just didn't seem like it would be possible as I felt I had absolutely no spare energy. I have a 4 1/2 yo (not yet at school) and 21 month old. He has been my easiest and has fitted in really well so far. It is chaotic, but then it was chaotic before. I think with 2 little ones your life is pretty much f**ked anyway, so a bit more chaos doesn't notice too much. Older two are v excited about the baby and really sweet to watch them together at times. At other times have to rescue the baby from slightly psycho no 2 brother. Am so much more laidback with the baby as just more confident and think enjoy him more as a result - I just adore him, he's so smiley. I took all 3 to Chessington today, with a friend and her 2 and no 3 just slept all day in the sling, apart from a feed at lunchtime, so he really hasn't cramped our style. Worse thing has prob been having to get a new bigger car to fit in 3 car seats in the back and it just guzzles petrol. I am 39 and none of the boys sleep v well, but again I think I'd already had lots of time to adjust to broken nights before no 3 arrived, so feel better than did after no 1 when it was all such a shock.

Lily, I am 39 too (or will be when this one rocks up). Can you get 3 seats in the back of a Focus? I am guessing not, so DH (the non driver) will have to sit in the middle...

Am glad you are doing so well. Stories like yours give me hope. It just seems so much a leap forward,even though I have got 2 already. My DD1 was vile today, truly awful and as I was remonstrating for the nth time on the way home I just thought I can't do this with 3. However, the joy of the sling can't be underestimated and DD2 is a very mellow character...

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Have you 3 boys? I am wondering already what I am cooking and would be fine with either. Am dreading coming out though and seeing people say "oh, you'll want a boy this time"....Grrrrr.

3 is sooo fab, i love it, can't imagine life without dd, she fitted in so easily and 2 to 3 has been a breeze
great - you know about slings already, dd lives in hers
we have a mondeo and that fits 3 seats, we put the baby car seat in the front first couple of months then changed to the older type but one that is rear and forward facing and stuck it in the middle on the back. i just bought a very oool plastic thing that fits over the seat belt fastener thing so the older kids can't undo it by mistake
dd is our first girl and i still get the 'ooh got your girl' thing, gets mildly annoying

I've got 3 with a similar age gap and although it's jolly hard work at times, it's also great fun! DD1 was 3.11 and DD2 was 1.8 when DS (cue lots of "ooh, I bet you're pleased it's a boy" comments!) arrived.

That was nearly a year ago, he's 1 on Sunday and I have to say that in my opinion it has been harder than i thought. Not so much at first as DD2 just accepted him - when we brought him home she pointed and said "baby" then carried on playing !

The terrible twos hit a few months back and it's been a hard 6 months, with that , DD1 starting school and me going back to work.

Things seem to be getting back on an even keel now - he's started sleeping better at last and I've settle in at work. Most of the time it's good, hectic fun!

I've got 3 dc's (8, 4 and 3) and also have a dh that doesn't drive - if you have the funds I would get him in a car right now for an intensive driving course. My children are a joy (most of the time), its all the driving that tires me out -school run all week, then playdates/shopping/parties/swimming at weekends.
I understand your ambivalence, I spent most of my pregnancy tying myself in knots worrying I didn't know how to bring up 3 (I was an only child). I was busy testing dh to the limit to see if he wanted the baby - some blokes just find all the feelings and hormones just too much. I needed to feel loved and I ended up booking with a fab lady a course of massages which made me and little one feel special! I've talked to my friends about this and I know there a quite a few of us go a tad pyscho while pregnant. When my little chap arrived we all just completely fell in love with him. I have never felt so tired in all my life, but I have never felt so utterly loved! I would have another in a hearbeat.
I met a woman who is a teacher at my son's nurery the other day who has had 11 children- I just stood back in amazement and absolute wonder.