Primary school sleepovers

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What age do you feel okay with your DC having sleepover with friends from primary school?

My dd8 in year 3 has been invited to a sleepover over half term.
She's only been friends with this girl since this year but there has been a couple of play dates and the parents seem nice.

I'm very hesitant for a few reasons.
My dd is the sweetest girl. We've never so much as had a tantrum from her. She can be quite timid and some of her friends seem to be more mature/grown up and I think she could get overwhelmed in their company for a whole day/ night but wouldn't be confident enough to say she wanted to go home if she'd had enough and would possibly get upset when everyone else was asleep or something which would break my heart!

I think she'd say yes if her friend asked her but she doesn't seem so sure when I've asked her about but I don't want to force my opinion on her.

There is of course other risks. And so not to drip feed, I have a history of SA as a child by a family member (nobody really knows about it so it's a hard one to discuss with dh) which I know is the more likely statistic but my upbringing was a million miles different to my DC and I don't want to project my own issues onto them or stop them enjoying normal childhood things because of my excessive worrying.

Should I wait a few more years or allow her to go if she really wants?

Personally y3 is too young imo. Don't think my kids did until y6, and when we really knew the parents. They had sleepovers with family from much earlier.

Thank you for your reply. They do have a very close relationship with their grandparents and have stayed there often

Honestly, it is a very individual decision - it really depends on how well you know the parents, just as much as your child’s age, and their level of confidence and maturity.
I think my son was 7 or maybe just under, but I never had the slightest doubt that I would get a phone call if there were any problems, and she me when her son stayed at ours.
I would say that if you don’t know the family well, and they are not amenable to meeting you while your child and theirs do an activity together, so you could get to know each other, then you would not be unreasonable to pass for now.
I suspect that some people would feel that 7 is too early, but by then I knew the mother well, same school and church and I had been to their house many times.
Context is everything.

Of course. It's definitely something that is individual to each child and I suppose what parents are comfortable with.

DD had her first sleepover with a school friend when she was 8.They'd been friends for 3 years and regularly played with each other after school and weekends.Friend stayed 4minute walk away.
DS was 7 for his first sleepover with a a friend he'd known since they were toddlers. Friend stayed directly opposite usI knew all the parents very well and DCs knew they could phone me if they needed to.
I think it depends on the child and how well you know the parents.

Blimey mine did it from Y1. Why is yr 3 too young ?

She has a friend who she is inseparable from at school. They've been best friends since nursery and I know the mum quite well. We have days out with the dc in the holidays etc.

If it was this family I'd be a little less hesitant MAYBE. But that mum has the same thoughts as me and she wouldn't be comfortable either so it's never been a question.

10 years old for us. DD had a sleepover with a small number of friends for her 10th birthday and this was reciprocated by a couple of her friends too. They're all lovely girls, we know the parents from school enough to talk to them, know their interests, etc. and wouldn't have any problem phoning or messaging them if needed.

I think this age is more what I had thought. Like you say as a birthday celebration!

When the child feels ready. Nothing to do with age. Some love it at 6, some still don’t at 15. And that is not my decision neither. I wouldn’t project my own anxieties onto a kid.

Never, my kids have never stayed over or had anyone to stay here. It’s just not a thing. What’s wrong with a play date. I just think it’s not worth putting my kids at risk, I have very specific and personal reasons for this though.

DS had his first sleepover before cub camp so aged 8. Wanted to know he would be okay sleeping away from home

Y6 seems quite old for first one, they would surely have had residentials by then

We did sleepovers just before DC’s first school residential in the summer of Year 4.

That's exactly what I'm trying not to do.
However it's my jobs to keep her safe and ensure things like this are age appropriate.

DD confirmed she wouldn't be comfortable but would like a play date. So that's the end of it and I can't say I'm not relieved she wasn't desperate to go 🤣
She's still very much a child and I want to keep her safe without spoiling her fun.

That's good that she's spoken up and you know what she's thinking.

I always dealt with it individually for each child depending on their maturity and what I felt they'd get out of it. I got a lot of stick from DD2 because her twin sister was allowed to go for sleepovers earlier than she was (different friends so not one allowed and one not to the same event), but now as an adult she has said I was absolutely spot on. She wouldn't have managed (and getting emotional has a massive impact on her health condition) and is glad I stuck to my guns.

I think dd had a sleepover with a friend from around end of Y3 or early Y4. I think it very much depends on the child and how well you know and trust the parents. That said, my ds is in Y2 and has been away for Beavers camp (which I guess is like a big sleepover).

I do understand your concerns (I was also SA), but I think my experiences have taught me that bad things most often happen during the really ordinary and mundane times, not the sleepovers and the things we all worry about. Of course, you have to be cautious, but I’m led by my gut and usually my gut is pretty good at sizing up other adults.

My DD is the same age as yours and there are about 3 friends she is allowed to sleepover with, but I know the parents (including the Dads) incredibly well, and we've known them years.

You obviously have hesitations so I wouldn't, in your case.

Nope

Absolutely not. Far too young!?

It doesn't matter if you know the parents or 'the dads'. Jesus. Wake up.

Thanks everyone. She is my oldest and we haven't had this before.
I wanted to make sure I wasn't being a helicopter parent if sleepovers were normal at her age but it seems its individual to each family.
I'm really glad DD was able to be honest and say how she felt. I reckon it will be a good while before it's something she does want to do.
Thanks again for all your comments.

Mine didn’t do sleepovers until high school apart from with their cousins and my best friend’s DC

I don't have any personal reasons but would not allow this for my kids nor want anyone elses kid here overnight

The property is on one floor, two bedrooms only, depending how much water I drink, I have to have 20 wees per night. Turn around, sweat, change, I mean - am not in the situation to welcome kids