Struggling to cope with 16 year old autistic daughter

[Tim3toputmys3lffirst]

Tonight is a bad night. My daughter has had multiple meltdowns over lots of little things, which to her are major things. Most of the time I cope, I struggle but I cope. Tonight I’m at a loss, and my emotions are taking a serious hit. I’m in tears. I’m trying to be strong and support her and understand her. It’s so tough. I think I need some words of encouragement that I’m not alone and that others experience this too. How do you take care of yourself when you have a teen that’s so dependent on you still?

I'm very sorry things are so tough for you right now. Many of us have been exactly where you are, or in a very similar place with DC with other MH struggles. You're not alone, even though it bloody feels like it sometimes.

Sometimes all there is left to do is write the day off and try again tomorrow. Nothing stays the same forever, and although no one here can tell you things are are going to be OK, or when, there are many, many people who have been through similar experiences with their teens and found that life can and does get better with time, more than they thought possible when they were in the darkest days.

Be kind to yourself, try to rest if you possibly can. You are doing your absolute best and your DD is lucky to have you.

And you might like to come over to this thread here, which might help with that awful feeling of being alone with all of this.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5267152-to-struggle-with-envy-about-other-peoples-kids?page=1

I have no experience of Autism but my Adhd daughter got much easier in her 20s.
Dsnt want to read and not give you support.

Big hugs. Been there before and will be again, I'm sure. I love DD so so much, but sometimes it breaks me. I think as well with late teens (DD is also 16) I get hit with a wave of fear/guilt/distress of what will life be like as an adult when such seemingly little things tigger such a big reaction. I do call out some of it, once things are calmer, and point out the impact on others, the older she is the more she is able to handle that so in some ways it gets better (I wouldn't say easier). But equally there are times where I just run a long shower and sob- no one hears you cry in the shower!

The other day DD commented on how I find joy in little things, it was actually a chocolate brownie. We had a big talk about how she wants to start doing that, so that's our new thing. One moment or thing each day of what gave us joy - it's a bit cliched but it's working quite well for both of us to not only think of the bad moments.

Big hugs to both of you, it can be really tough and sometimes it's overwhelming. Hopefully you can get some rest tonight, reset and be ready for tomorrow.

Thank you, I does seem relentless at the moment as she’s in her final year of school so the stress and pressure of exams are definitely contributing. We are awaiting an appointment with the mental health team so they can help her come up with some ways to help through this period.

I think the hardest thing is us parents not being professionals or trained in how to deal with mental health and having an autistic child so we have to just learn as we go along.

I’m going to go to bed soon and like you say, write today off and start again tomorrow

Thank you, that really helped actually. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and let everything consume you. So taking a step back, letting things settle and having a chat about it is definitely the way forward. She’s so bright and clever, so I have hope that she will be able to handle these situations better as she gets older

I think the hardest thing is us parents not being professionals or trained in how to deal with mental health and having an autistic child so we have to just learn as we go along.

Absolutely. It's really bloody hard. Although actually what I've found perhaps even harder is coming to terms with the reality that the professionals don't have the answers either. There is help out there (although it's often patchy and inadequate) but we are the only true experts in our own children and ultimately it is down to us as parents to figure it out. It's a very heavy and worrying burden to bear.

❤️ glad it helped, even if it just gets you some sleep tonight instead of listening to the churning in your mind. Your DD sounds lovely so hoping you both have a better day tomorrow

For many people evening is a low point for mental health. My DS often has bad moments around bedtime and I try to acknowledge his feelings but suggest we deal with it in the morning. He is aware now that he feels worse at night so he sometimes listens!

Hi I have a 15 year old daughter with autism.she is on a reduced time table st school.and the melt down now is so bad im my face lashing out ect even the smallest things to her are huge .some help please

It’s really tough isn’t it. My daughter’s mental health is really bad at the moment. I have a meeting at school on Friday to see if there is anything further that can be done to help. I ask my mum to come over last night to talk to my daughter. And that actually helped. Just having someone else’s input can make a difference. Have you got other family members that could try and help? Sorry you’re going through this too

Hi thank you for getting back to me .no not really I'm trying for help .the school are good but she will only attend 3 days a week due to the autism issues rhe meltdowns have really got bad since she has hit 15

It’s really hard to know the line between is it the autism or normal teenage mood swings. I struggle with that too. If you can get help then it will take the pressure off you a little. I’ve started to do different activities with my daughter, just the two of us and it’s lessened the tension a little. We go for walks, watch films, draw/paint and listen to music together.

She doesn't seem to want to do anything. Rather be in her room.i feel isolated and alone with not much support the meltdowns are aimed at me and lashing out .hates school all getting to much

Hi I am going through rhe same. My dauggyer is 15 meltdowns so bad .and very angry at me .its so sad and I am at a loss. Has u say little things to her are hugh .im rhere with you