Sleep Training ferber method

[Gurla]

Hi,
Just wanted some advice, we used a modified take of this method for our first child and it worked within a few days, he would cry but was normally asleep within one or two visits. I didn't leave him any longer than 4 minutes to cry.

It is not working for our 9 month old at all. He has been fed to sleep and we started last week. He's fallen asleep successfully within 20 minutes twice. My heart can not handle doing this method for any longer 😫 and my husband is going in.

Do I give up and try again later or am I missing something xx

Just stop. It's breaking your heart because it's not right to treat him like that. He's used to being fed to sleep - that's so far away from falling asleep totally alone. You at least need to get him used to being cuddled to sleep. Although I don't think cio is a good choice in any scenario, but this just isn't fair.

I think a better method is to switch to not feeding to sleep but your DH to settle them
instead, by rocking/cuddling/stories. If he deals with every settle and every wake up for a few days I’m fairly sure your baby will sleep through. It’s amazing how quickly they give up on waking through the night when it’s just boring daddy and not mummy with the lovely boobies!

Savage

Yep, I'd second this. With both my kids we just switched to 'daddy mode' in the night and they very quickly stopped waking up. My son did spend a couple of nights very loudly protesting the absence of my breasts, but he had his dad there the whole time, supporting him through any wake up.

Crying because nobody is there is very different to crying because your preferred care giver isn't there

It hurts you because you know that it is harmful.
and that your child needs more nurturing.

Comfort your baby.. we didn’t sleep train our DD, she’s now 3.5 & sleeps 11/12 hours a night. Is happy to go to bed & feels safe..
I fed her to sleep until she was 18 months as that’s what worked for us.

I think we need more details to know if you are doing the method right or wrong but if you feel it isn't working you know your baby best x
I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving him to cry a little bit longer and let dad do the check ins if you are confident he is comfortable and fed. Is your baby breastfed? If so I definitely think dad should do the check ins so he knows you aren't coming in to breastfeed him.

Very nasty comment you don't know anything else about the OP's personal circumstances.

Agree with above that a gentle change from feeding to sleep helped us. My partner would cuddle and rock baby to sleep, I was able to do this also after a few nights where he kind of became used to not being fed to sleep, there were a lot of tears the first few nights but his dad was comforting him and I think night 4 was a major switch. They will be protesting any change to what they know but if whoever is helping them to sleep remains calm and consistent then they should learn that it's okay to relax too and eventually get there, we always comfort him if he is unsettled or wakes, but a quick cuddle now and he is fine. Good luck, I found stopping feeding to sleep was tougher on me than him as it's so comforting to us mums also, but now I get to share the load with my partner it helps massively in this house.

Thank you for your replies. I'm still breastfeeding and plan to as long as we both need. I did it for 15 months with my first.
My main focus is him falling asleep atbedtime without us. I'm longer for my evenings back, which some may say it's selfish but with two babies it really is needed. I'm still feeding him if he wakes in the night.

Hey @Gurla - different methods for different kids, simple as. We tried Ferber with my son after all gentle methods had been (excuse the pun) exhausted. I knew deep down it wasn't right for him but I was desperate so we tried it. We read the book. We worked on a routine first. It just didn't work and we were all upset and stressed. Ds didn't "grizzle" or "cry for 5 minutes before nodding off" he wasn't "self soothing" or any of the things people who tried sleep training and it happened to work all describe. He would scream and scream and fall asleep through exhaustion and I felt like the worst parent ever for trying it. There's a bit at the back of the Ferber book stating if after a week or so it's not working to stop and that some children just won't respond to it basically.

Twist was, our ds also hated co sleeping so we had to get creative 🤣

We thought outside the box and he spent months sleeping in a travel cot with a nice mattress - I'd sit in it with him feeding or cuddling him until he fell asleep, then climb out and go to bed. Repeat every time he woke. At 18 months we took the side off his cot bed and I'd lay with him listening to stories.

He's 5 now and has a small double so I can go from his bed to mine and everyone is comfy.

@Gurla Do you have any updates on how your ferber sleep training is going? Currently training our 10 month old and early days but not seeing much improvement