I'm in a horrible situation and don't know where to turn. I'd appreciate any guidance anyone might have.
I split from my ex, 2 1/2 years ago. We have one child.
I left after years of coercive control and bullying, he was a narcissist who took pleasure in mentally 'playing' with me.
I was hoping our contact regarding our child would have improved by now, but it's getting worse. He sees contact as him helping me out. As such he's regularly changes or cancels days/times and when I challenge that or say it's not convenient he goes (verbally) for me, cursing saying it's all about me not about our child etc when I am dealing with our child in tears.
He at most sees our child for 4-5hours once a week (but as I said regularly cancels). In between those times, though he'll go for me he never ever asks how our child is doing. I told him to contact school to get on mailing lists, he didn't and blames me for not 'telling' what to do, buying tickets for event for him etc
The above is a tiny snapshot.
I also strongly suspect cocaine abuse due to his appearance (hole in nose and front teeth falling out) also when he cancels it tends to be at 5/6am. He is very up and down and you never know which version of him you'll get.
Recently he turned up Xmas day morning 4hours late without so much as a card. He cancelled the weekend visits either side of her birthday and didn't bring a gift or card.
He also stole money from a card his parents asked him to drop round (we just got the empty card).
I desperately want to stop contact as it's started to massively affect my mental health, I am anxious and on pins about whether he's going to turn up at my door.
The thing is I'm just not sure if I'm able to, I need to be a strong and present mother as he's not and I don't want to damage my child because of this.
Does anyone have any advice or have they been through anything similar. I'm just not sure where to turn.
Thanks for reading this far x