Hi all, hope you are well. Long backstory to my situation. But my current issue, my child is currently ill (nothing major just regular daycare sickness) . He goes to bed late this evening, he is ok and in good form, I have given him all his medicine, we had taken him to the doctor.
His dad comes down and says he’s going to put on a movie and I say oh good can I sleep on the couch for abit. Bear in mind, I got little sleep the night before due to my son being ill and in bed with me. Anyway fast forward to tonight, I’m asleep on the couch and wake up to hear him coughing, his dad is on the phone to a family member in the kitchen. I’m delusional after just waking, so shout to him, and he goes up. He makes a comment towards me not running up straight away, ok fair enough, I was fast asleep two seconds ago, I am also on my first day of my
period, plus a lot going on recently which his dad is aware of how I am feeling.
I go up and once the child is settled he starts to tell me that I need to be up here with him. Which is ok, but then proceeds to say that the last time we had to bring him to the hospital due to an illness. I was also passed out asleep on the couch. And when I say passed out, from absolute exhaustion nothing more. I seem to get a good sleep on the couch if even for an hour I feel rested.
That time before he brought him to hospital we had put him to bed with very little indication he was ill apart from a slight hoarse throat. His dad at the time was outside in the car smoking, and not just cigarettes when he came inside and heard the child coughing.
Anyway we manage to get in a row tonight but it’s not heated at first and I ask him why does it have to be always me? And he said I was on the phone to a family member(which he rarely speaks to from one end of the year to another) , I actually asked him was it ok if I slept on the couch for abit, which in itself seems ludicrous to have to ask. There was maybe one other time this year I fell asleep on the couch like this, it’s not a common occurrence for me. He proceeds to then tell me I’m a vile human being and he is disgusted with what I am saying and how can I call myself a proper mother. All I was asking was why does it always have to be me, and to look at what he is doing in both these situations that we have had. I said do you ever think that maybe I needed that short sleep and that he could have stepped up and stayed with the child.
Anyway my question is, seriously, is it me? Those words hurts so much when I’ve given up everything, including hobbies, time to myself, literally devoting my whole self to my child and putting him before anything else while Dad still does the majority of things he has done before. I did say in anger if we went to court who would be in the wrong, me being asleep on the couch or you smoking in the car. And he said the person in the house not being vigilant.