SAHM's How do you find it?

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I like my job.

It's quite challenging and busy, but rewarding.

Part time would be the ideal solution (best or worst of both worlds...) BUT the only way I could cut back on work would be to totally cut back, loose a car and the childcare costs etc.

Life is getting a bit squeezed since getting back FT, very busy...I have been a SAHM in the past and quite enjoyed it.

Could have a lifestyle cut back as a family and do the SAHM thingy, with a PT odd hour job.

How do you find the full time commitment to your family?

I work 2 nights a week as a waitress and the rest of the time am a SAHM. I worked in an office before I had my son but couldnt go back to that type of job as I can now only work at night when DH gets home from work.

I would LOVE to drop the 2 days a week. I have hard days with DS where I am happy to hand him over to DH when he gets home but to be honest I would rather be in the next room chilling out for an hour than away at a workplace. I am just not a career orientated ambitious person. I like to be at home with friends and family and my DH and DS. I know not everyone is like that though! You need to do what is best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY. No one else can tell you what that will be. In my case its being at home as much as possible.

eenybeeny - you are right about the do what's right for your brood.

Am just getting thru to the other side of horrid PND and don't want to rock the boat, so wondered what other's experiences were like...

I work part time and imo it's the best of both worlds. I get to spend lots of time wioth my family and get things done around the house, see friends, go shopping, chill out in the sun on days like today, but I also get to escape to an adult environment regularly. I'm so happy with it I don't think I'll ever work full time again, even when the boys are both at school full time (next year).

I'f find it hard having no income of my own if I gave up work completely tbh.

I am a full-time SAHM to DS1 (26 months) and DS2/DD (DTs) 4 months. I find it horribly hard some days, and lovely other days (like today ). I would not want to go back to work although sometimes I wish I could escape to work rather than be stuck with three screaming children, but most of the time I am grateful that I can stay at home.

I loved my lifestyle when I worked, because I had a great social life, but I don't miss it.

I don't care at all that DH is the only income provider.

I was SAHM for 6 years (until ds2 started school) and loved it. We did the whole cut back completely thing - only ran one car, walked everywhere, grew our own veg, entertained ourselves for free most days - walks, junk modelling, baking, endless playdates and friends to visit, trips to the park, library, cornershop, etc. In the summe we just lived in the garden, paddling pool, sandpit, etc. I was so relaxed and laidback it was wonderful. The finances were tight, but we just cut our cloth and got on with it. I look back now on those halcyon days and I wouldn't change a thing.

ds2 will be 9 tomorrow, and I now work full-time, but I'm delighted I had that solid chunk of time with them both when they were tiny.

I was a full-time SAHM until recently. Now I have started doing the occasional day's work on a freelance basis -- not for money (it's not very well-paid) but for a bit of a change, and so DH can spend some time looking after DS. (DH is freelance too so we can be a little flexible.)

Our income has gone down massively since having DS, and our costs have risen considerably; we no longer have disposable income really, everything goes on bills with a tiny bit left over for clothes etc. We go out once in a blue moon. But I would not change it, I would rather have the time with DS than the extra money and in any case after childcare costs we wouldn't be vastly better off.

I am glad to be working a few days a month, though -- it is nice to still have a bit of an identity apart from SAHM!

Thank you all - definitely food for thought.

DH does try and help out as much as possible, but doesn't have the time IYSWIM, so am starting to feel a bit squeezed in the middle.

PT would be perfect, but isn't possible with current job as we'd need to loose the second car...roisin - that's the vision I have of SAHM...I know it's tough at times and ca be draining, but am thinking I did enjoy the time with little ones when I was a SAHM before...

Thinking caps on and hard decisions to make as it would be tricky to get back into the job market for a while if I gave up, with current job.

Love being a SAHM and feel very fortunate that we can just about make ends meet. I never had a career as such and gave up work when we started trying to conceive. I was jolly glad because I hated it. Have been completely teetotal for 5 years so never really went out much in that way anyway. Neither DH nor I can drive so we don't run a car - to be honest there's nothing I really miss. Some days when it's raining and DS (10 months) is teething it can be a strain, but over all I really love it. We're planning to home educate so I think my working days are really done Yay !

I gave up my very good career and pay to become SAHM to DD1 2yrs and DD2 4 months.

Sometimes I wish I could be at work as I loved my job. But, I love my children more. I would say about 80% of the time I am very happy being a SAHM and the other 20% I just need a little time away for myself. But my DH is brilliant really. I have pilates every Friday, and one day of the weekend I usually meet up with friends/my mum and go shopping and this is like my time off.

My only advice would be to talk to your DH and explain that you would need time off every week without fail. And just fill your day with a to do list - washing/supermarket/park/just for walk and take it from there. Even on rainy days, I raincover up the girls and myself, and head out. Then let DD1 jump in the puddles on the way back!

If you do decide to stay at home, make sure you buy practicle but stylish clothes and makeup so even at home, you still get ready for 'work'. I feel more motivated that way and more empowered to do the best job I can. And then at 7pm, I have finished for the day - bliss!

SAHM - gave up work when 7 months pregnant with DC1. I have no desire to work outside of the home even when the children are older. Have enough going on. I love the fact that we don't have to rush from one thing to the next and can choose what we want to do and when.

I am a traditionalist in terms of wanting to be at home for children and husband and this suits our family. I know it is not for everybody. No problem with DH earning the money we are a team and discussed it before we were married or even had children. Fortunate that we have a nice lifestyle from DH's salary.

We all make choices and this is the one I am very happy with

I went back to work when DD was 16 weeks old, as I'd started with my employer when I was pregnant and felt like I owed them something.

Everything went great and I went back to work 2.5 days a week. It worked out well for all of us.

When dd was 4.5 I had my 4th miscarriage and decided it was time to take stock. I took a 5 year carers break and am due back when DD is 10.

I love being able to drop her at school, go on school trips, not worry about training days, etc. I always offer to help working mums at the school and usually have an extra child on the odd days when the school closes. I know how hard it is for the workers out there!

I trade on Ebay to keep an income coming in. It's hard work, looked down upon in every way by my middle class peers and dismissed out of hand by everyone but my DH.

We take in a good amount of money (if you don't work out my hourly rate which would be SO far below minimum wage it would deny reason!) and I have the flexibility to cope wiht illness, unexpected closure days, playdates, etc...

We haven't had to adjust our lifestyle too much. We manage quite well and I love the freedom of my SAH job.

Personally, I would find going back to work right now so hard. I'm not even sure I'll go back when dd is 10 as I have the perfect life right now. Time is a bonus; husband likes me being home, but doesn't expect the house to be a palace or expect his tea on the table when he gets in. We have a joint account and I spend what I like (though we're currently trying to pay off the mortgage so I'm trying to keep spending low).

You have to consider your options really carefully before making your changes. There are 'down' points to the SAHM lifestyle. Your social standing in the eyes of most working mums is zero. Your income is obviously depleted, unless you can replace it somehow like we have. You can be a little isolated/insular. But if you make efforts you can connect with your community in loads of ways.

Good luck, whievhever path you choose. Personally, I have so much admiration for WOHMs, juggling jobs, kids, school, social diaries from hell, etc....

But...I wouldn't dismiss being a SAHM too easily as it's a beautiful time of life that's hard to regret! And you can always go back to work if it drives you nuts

Thank you all so much for your sage and wise replies.

Will think some more and try to make sure it's the right decision, whichever way I jump!

I know neither option is an easy one and SAHMs work v.hard too IYSWIM.

I was a working (full time plus commute) single mum with ds for 9years and tbh I got on with it because I had to, needed to pay the mortgage. But there were times that I most certainly enjoyed the fact that I worked and it got a lot easier as he got older.
When I had dd I became a SAHM for 5 years (just gone back this last week) and I really enjoyed it but I must admit I'm now glad I'm back at work, didn't realise that I needed it so much but, you never get those years back, so I'm happy I made that choice and although we had to cut back a fair bit, we had the luxury of being able to make that choice.
You do what you're most comfortable with, could you take some time out?

I found it easier being available for when my sons were off school ill. I was able to check on mil next door when she had a heart scare.

I was able to help out with reading at school, do s/e work for a while, try different voluntary roles.

Being at home really came into its own when my husband was very depressed, though it took weeks to pull out of my commitments so I could be truly at home in the day.

I was able to be around for my cat when he was home after an operation.

Last, but not least I was able to deregister ds2 and start to home school him when he needed it very badly.

It can be lonely though and I have to reach out to my friends and say I want a visit or can I pop over.

I still miss the chat of being in a workplace.

It's very personal and you can only go by how you feel now and what your household needs are now. Things may/will change in the future.

I have been a full time SAHM for nearly 5 years and some days I HATE it, some days I LOVE it, some days just pass by without me really thinking about it. I guess it's a job like any other (without getting paid obviously!) and has it's ups and downs.

I feel good in that I feel my children have benefited from having me around all the time (well apart from when I'm in a bad, horrible, grumpy mood!).

It is a very personal choice and I think I would have gone back to work if we hadn't gone abroad for a year when DD was 1.5 so in a way things have just worked out this way rather than it being my choice. I was also very ill after both my children and couldn't have gone to work in reality, so again, me being a SAHM was not really a choice on my part.

I'm very lucky in that we are comfortable financially so I don't need to work as such but I would't mind if i had to work part time, now DD is in reception and DS goes to nursery 2 days a week.

see my thoughts here

Not for me. I prefer working part time so I can enjoy the kids when I am with them, and enjoy work when I am there.

However, there are times when the kids are so cute and I hate leaving them. Only because I want to be with them instead.

I too had PND and I think because I only have a small social network here (no family), and because all the mums I knew were on an appointments-only basis (what are you doing next week etc), I found it lonely.

Having said that I only did it with an under one year old. I imagine it to be a lot more pleasant with older ones. And it would be so nice to be there and spend those after school hours with them etc. And to have time to do cooking, housework etc.

I don't miss working at all. I found it really hard at first, and then I decided that if this is what we chose to do (ds was very poorly and I gave up work) than I should do it properly. Soooo I learnt to cook, I bake cakes, I chat to the children, I keep the house clean, etc etc. I also hand over to dh at weekends/evenings and he is v supprtive of my ambitions - I write a bit, and will be taking a course when baby older. Not for everyone probably, but I still have my brain - I read a lot, I listen to Radio 4 etc and I have friends who work/SAH.

I am a sahm and love it. We always said if we had kids that one of us would stay at home. As I was bf'ing it was natural that it should be me. I hated working and couldn't wait to give it up. I suppose it may be different if I had a job I really loved but I have never been lucky enough to be able to say that. I keep the house in order, do shopping, go to toddler groups and see friends, listen to music, read books, do puzzles in magazines and have just started sewing. I never get bored. I don't really miss the money as I didn't earn that much anyway and you tend to spend more on food, travel and clothing if you work. I like being around for my lo am am prepared to sacrifice some things until they go to school, I can go back to work then.

I'd prefer to be skint and with my dcs, but my dh earns well so I'm pretty happy with how well off we are.
I never get bored either, Alishanty. I also hated working and would be happy never to have to work again. I try to keep the house in order (and fail), entertain my children (apart from when on MN), go to toddler groups, days out to parks, the beach, toddler groups, other parents' houses. It's brilliant - especially in this weather.
I'm a writer, so do the odd freelance project from home and a few projects of my own when I feel like it.
When my two are old enough to start school, I plan on having another baby! I reckon I can be a SAHM for at least 7 more years!

I have made the decision - too many balls to juggle as a WOHM and I am lucky enough to get to choose, so have handed in notice. Was in tears for first 2 days wondering if it was the right thing to do, but now I am looking forward to the time and the opportunity to get back to basics with the family and do th FT mummy thing again...

Watch this space for the success or not...

Thank you all again for your thoughts on the SAHM thingy - I am going to explain to people that I have taken on FT domestic engineering