Teen Daughter in Crisis – Feeling Lost & Overwhelmed

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Hello, I’m looking for advice and support. I’m a single mum, struggling with my 15-year-old daughter. She developed an eating disorder last year, and after intervention from CAMHS, she is now weight-restored. However, she has experienced multiple mental health crises, including serious self-harm, and has been to A&E several times. She is now on a low-dose antidepressant and waiting for an autism assessment.
Every day is incredibly difficult—she is deeply unhappy and angry, frequently tells me she wants to die, and often smashes things. She has struggled with school and has been like this since puberty began. In a bid to control her life, she tries to control and belittle me. It’s affecting my work, my relationship, and my well-being, and I feel completely drained.
If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate any advice or support. Thank you for reading

Could she take a break from mainstream school? DS is autistic and studies at an online school instead and is much happier.

When my daughter went through a bad period I made an effort to spend more time with her. We went on evening walks, I managed to persuade her to join a kickboxing class with me once a week (which we would walk to/from which added extra 1:1 time), and I would seek her out in her room and sit down to chat. Not as easy as it sounds but I kept trying to spend more time with her and bit by bit succeeded.

We never really spoke about what she was going through, and why she was doing what she was doing - she flat out refused to talk to me about it. But we built up our relationship, which seemed to have weakened somehow in her tweens without me really realising it. Strengthening our relationship seemed to help - she slowly stopped the behaviour and to date it hasn’t started up again.

Her two older brothers also started looking out for her, so between the 3 of us we created a kind of bubble around her (they are with me full time and she didn’t want her father to know anything).

Its a difficult age for them, with changes to there bodies and hormones, and no telling if something has happened to them to spark the behaviour off.

Hopefully you’ll get some good advice, it’s distressing seeing them react in this way and hard on everyone else as well.

This sounds so difficult. Try looking up autistic burnout. This is what our daughter went through and is now gradually recovering from.
Things that helped her were a break from school, very low demand parenting, rebuilding relationships and weekly sessions with an amazing therapist specialising in autistic girls xx

I know you have said about her attending camhs, however I do feel she needs a therapist one on one a integrative one at that. Alot of people do not realise these practioners tend to be nurses (with top up courses in mental heath as well as sone units in cbt then think they can call them self cbt therapists - nonsense )rather than trained as therapists. Please take her to proper therapy 🙏 , she'll get alot further .

Thank you for all of your replies. All of them have valid points and I will investigate further.

She has been struggling at school, it mentally exhausts her. Currently she is on a reduced timetable but they plan to reinstate a full-timetable very soon. Reflecting your messages I already feel hesitant.
Last week she was so distressed I told her to stay at home rather than get to the weekend and it be consumed with meltdown after meltdown (meltdown is the wrong word as it feels like I am minimizing the distress but I don't have a different term in my vocabulary).
I would rather she took a break from mainstream but she is incredibly concerned with falling behind.

I self-referred her this weekend to addtional mental health services, as she continues to struggle.
She has just started seeing a private therapist. A lady who has been working with young people for over 15years and came recommended by someone who credited the therapist.
Something like kickboxing is a good shout. I will explore. Unfortunately it is just me and my daughter.
Thanks again.

She wouldn't fall behind if she could study online instead.