Hardest 4 months of my life - desperate.

[Peanutbutterislife]

My lovely DS2 is 19 weeks old and it’s been an incredibly rough ride. I am truly desperate as it feels like it’s the hardest thing just getting through each day. I know babies are hard, second babies being new challenges but this is seemingly impossible.

• has never been put down for a sleep, only naps in carrier and co sleeps at night, although wakes if I move even a tiny bit. SCREAMS and chokes crying if we try
• until this week he has also only napped while latched to my nipple
• hates the car seat and pram
• has a posterior TT but has managed to gain a lot of weight EBF, no clicking anymore as his mouth has got bigger with age - have spent hundreds travelling for consultations and not sure releasing will really change much
• suspected CMPA, I’ve been dairy and soy free for 2 months which is horrendous

after my many many months of effort finding the right bottle he finally accepted a bottle in the past week, goats milk formula (refuses the allergy one) and now showing symptoms of an intolerance. Up every hour with wind pains for the last 3 nights, not sure if to carry on in the hope he is adjusting?

I have literally not had more than 10 minutes to myself for 4.5 months as nobody else can feed him. And now he’s talking a bottle but clearly not doing well with formula I’m back stuck to being the only person who can feed him (every 2 hours) - without even having diary and soy myself. I want to stop breastfeeding because he’s clearly so hungry and it’s soul destroying seeing him so happy after a bottle in the last week, now only to be faced with the reality he is probably CMPA.

Sorry, so negative but honestly I don’t know where to go from here. :( :( :(

Do you have a partner? Firstly, if you do, your partner needs to jump in here. A 4 month old baby should be able to go 2-3 hours between feeds and have significant awake time throughout the day.

Mine were both either extremely high needs and/or ebf bottle refusers. I still got a nice long shower every day. I got naps. I got to sit down in a cafe with a coffee and read a book. I got to go to the hairdresser. Dh would literally walk in circles for hours between feeds with them in the sling or pushchair or take them on long drives and just bring them to me for a feed and then take them back. On work days, I’d literally hand them off as soon as he came through the door. Assuming you have a partner, they need to step up and become a comforting safe place just like you are, because you need time to yourself and you need to get some extra sleep.

Secondly, you don’t need to be a martyr. If he will take a hypoallergenic formula and you can afford it, I would offer it. If bottle feeding works better, do it. You need to be rested and well to be the best mum you can be.