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Parenting

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Original poster

Stopping at one child?

19 replies

ealingkid · 07/05/2008 13:55

Hi. I'm a dad - assume there is no problem with me posting on here along with all you mums?!

Currently the proud father of a baby boy, my wife is on at me to try for a 2nd. I'm not sure yet if i want another, although i do accept that having 2 (or more) is the "norm" and there are plenty of good reasons to have a larger family (best being a playmate for existing child)

Are there any people out here who have made the choice to stop at one child, or believe there are advantages of doing so?

thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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geekymummy · 07/05/2008 13:58

Hi! Of course it's cool for you to post here, welcome aboard

Will be watching this thread, I'm been thinking along the same lines...

RubySlippers · 07/05/2008 13:59

how old is your baby?

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 07/05/2008 14:00

I have two, very close in age and find it easier as they can entertain themselves.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Iklboo · 07/05/2008 14:01

DS will be an only child. I was an only child so I have no problems. DH is one of 4 and is very keen for Ds to be an only child!
For us it's money, my age, the quality of time we can spend with DS.
He has a big family network to enjoy with DH's family so lots of socialising

Remotew · 07/05/2008 14:06

There wasnt reelly a choice for me. Mum of one teen. I do feel sorry for her that she hasnt got a brother or sister. (only half ones and that is not the same)

There is nothing like having the same upbringing/closeness, as I have with my siblings. Also the playmate reason. Its hard entertaining one.

minster · 07/05/2008 15:46

I had an 'only' for 6 years (not choice) & there are many great things about having one child. My relationship with my dd is incredibly special but very intense. I found it much easier once my ds was born, even with a big age gap having two really takes the pressure off us.

Egg · 07/05/2008 16:01

Has your wife started a thread on the same topic . There is a similar one about a couple with a 7-month old baby and she wants another and he doesn't...

Egg · 07/05/2008 16:04

Sorry , to answer your question, I did think for a few months when DS1 was around 12/13 months that it would be nice to stick with one. He was so lovely and I didn't want things to change, we could do more things with just one, holidays would be easier etc and finances would be better.

However we decided we would have another, and then got twins on the first attempt . Now that was not what we wanted, however they are lovely .

MrsTittleMouse · 07/05/2008 16:08

I think that having two because "it's the norm" isn't a great idea to plan the number of children that you have!
We were happy with one, but I'm now pregnant with baby #2. I think that there is something pure and almost romantic about just having one. You always outnumber your children, which can make things easier, and you have no issues about fairness or sibling relationships.
We decided to have another, just because we thought that it would be fun to have another person in our little gang. And we are strange enough that we like the thought that DD will have someone who understands completely what it's like having us for parents. We're hoping that they'll get on, and become friends, but we know that that's a bonus, and not something that we can rely on.

Tortington · 07/05/2008 16:10

playmate is the shittest reason.

the only good reason to have more than one child is so that you have one incase one dies.

you can put all your love, energy, time , energy,time, money, inheritance when you die, time into one kid.

Egg · 07/05/2008 16:12

nice custy .

MrsTittleMouse · 07/05/2008 16:14

I thought that the only good reason to have another child is that you want one. Right now. And I speak as an only surviving child.

dustyteddy · 07/05/2008 16:16

Here Here Mr TM! and so speaks someone else as the only surviving child.

dustyteddy · 07/05/2008 16:16

sorry Mrs TM!

mooki · 07/05/2008 16:28

We only planned to have one and now she's born we still only plan to have one. DD is absolutely wonderful so it's a positive choice IYSWIM - we weren't put off by our experience so far! - but also a little bit of selfishness on the part of me and DH.

Original poster

ealingkid · 07/05/2008 17:17

Thanks for replies so far.

A bit more background?Our DS (I?m getting the lingo!) is 16 months. He?s absolutely perfect and I can?t imagine loving another child as much as him.

We?re just getting to the stage now where I feel we?re getting a bit more control of our lives back and, rather selfishly perhaps, I don?t really fancy the idea of going back to ?square one? or the idea of pushing ourselves harder financially.

I am an only child myself, and was perfectly happy that way, but DW has a brother and enjoyed her childhood, so we have different perspectives on it.

I can see that having a 2nd could in a way make our lives easier as the pair of them would keep each other entertained and DS would presumably enjoy having a younger sibling.

But the way I see it at the moment, that is the only benefit from having a 2nd?.I presently don?t have any desire to have another one in its own right?.. I probably will bow to DWs wishes eventually, it?s probably just a question of getting used to the idea????

OP posts:

noddyholder · 07/05/2008 17:23

I have only one for various reasons and its great.I feel quite 'free' in comparison to some of my friends.easy to just take off without a big hoo ha when you fancy a weekend away.The only reason to have another is that you really want one.

Pheebe · 07/05/2008 17:42

Just to add to the mix, when no 2 comes along you don't really go back to square 1 at all as you're already confident, experienced parents My DH felt the same. Our ds2 is just 6 months and I can honsetly say its been a doddle compared to the shock of ds1. Life got back to normal far more quickly, he's slotted right in and its huge fun for us doing it all again without (so much) of the uncertainty. Its also utterly wonderful seeing how besotted ds1 is with his brother.

Don't do it just beacuse its the norm though, do it because you have space for another little person in your lives

And also your love expands to encompass the new baby, you don't have a fixed amount believe me

Antdamm · 08/05/2008 16:35

I have one DS, aged 2.8 and I've been wanting another for about a year now, but my DP isn't keen on the idea. I always thought we would only have one, as we could only manage one, but things change.
Most people tell us its cruel to only have one as it can be lonely and sometimes I think he's a bit lonely, when Im making tea and daddy is at work etc and has only himself to play with, but he has cousins, friends at nursery etc so I don't think he's bothered. What is mostly stoppin us having another one is Money. Isnt that always the way?

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