Toddler tantrums

[gaw821]

Hoping for some tips or just shared experiences... my son has just turned 3 and is currently having tantrums almost every single day. I like to think of myself as a pretty decent mum so this makes me feel like I'm failing somehow. The tantrums are mostly when he first wakes up and has to start getting ready, or if we have to leave/go somewhere. I will give notice "in 5 minutes, we need to put your shoes on and go to the car", offer choices "would you like to wear your red coat or your blue coat?" I've tried staying super calm and I try to say yes to the things that don't matter "yes, you can wear your wellies to the supermarket". I also admit I've got cross on a couple of occasions and shouted back, or burst into tears myself. This is really starting to affect my relationship with him and it makes it difficult to go anywhere. I have a supportive husband who helps deal with the tantrums a lot of the time but he sometimes struggles to stay calm himself (he is neurodivergent) so has to tap out. I also have another baby that I need to tend to so I don't often have free hands or I have to move them away for safety if he's lashing out.

Is this something that I can talk to a doctor about to get some sort of referral?

Stop giving him choices as that's just adding fuel to the fire.

"We are going out now and you are going to wear your coat and wellies. Are you going to put them on yourself or shall I help you?"

If he starts to tantrum, ignore it and put them on him and carry him to the car. You can't get a doctor's referral for a toddler having tantrums, you just need to manage them and not react. It will get better but not if you're shouting and crying.

You definitely do not need to talk to a doctor about a typical 3 year old’s behaviour. Tantrums do not suggest that there’s something wrong with your child.

What is setting him off? Does he not want to do those things? Is he getting enough sleep if he wakes up with a tantrum?

It might help if your son gets dressed in day clothes - helped by his father every morning before breakfast. Clothes out ready. Breakfast is immediate and healthy.
Feeding the child helps. Keep him well hydrated and eating a healthy snack every two hours.

So going out is popping on shoes and coat. He will not be unclothed nor hungry and likely to be more reasonable.

Ignore a tantrum. Then make sure he's not cold, hungry or thirsty and do something calm with him in his calm place. Read, do a puzzle.
You can also ask if he would like to spend some time in his calm space after he comes home from a tantrum filled shopping trip.

I should have been clear, the reason I was considering talking to a Dr is to assess if there's some neurodivergence there due to the frequency and intensity of the tantrums

Thank you, he goes down for breakfast straight away and gets dressed after so that hunger isn't a factor in his behaviour. I like the idea of setting up a dedicated calm space so will look into that!