What am I doing wrong - bedtimes?

[modgepodge]

I am at my wits end with my 10 month olds sleep. For over a month it’s been terrible - multiple wake ups including some that last 3+ hours, skipped naps, short naps, everything that could go wrong has. The big problem for me now is bed times which are taking up to 5 hours (no exaggeration!!)

Today for example he woke at 6.30am, settled for his first nap easily at about 9.15 and slept for over an hour and a half, awake by 11. I then tried to put him down for his second nap at 1.30. This is probably a bit too early but I have the school run so is the only way to get a sensible nap in. He took an hour to settle, then I had to wake him for school run after half an hour at 3pm.

by 6.30 (when I normally start bedtime) he was looking really tired and he fell asleep in about 5 minutes. For 15 minutes. And has now been awake another hour. Last night he took 3 hours from initially starting bedtime to go to sleep. One day last week it took 5 hours. Shouldn’t he be exhausted by 11.30om when he’s been awake over 8 hours at this point?!?

It’s ruining our evenings and to be honest making life pretty unbearable. I’m crying during most bed/nap times as I just don’t know what to do, and literally feel sick at the thought of trying to get him to sleep. Sometimes he’s wide awake and perfectly happy. Others he’s screaming inconsolably whether left, rocked, cuddled. I can’t deal with hearing any more screaming.

I previously would have agreed that 6.30 is too early but my 11month old goes to bed around then. His naps are not the best, he has 1 nap, usually around 11.30am, and will sleep until 12.45 at the absolute latest.

I think they need an earlier bedtime sleep when they don’t nap well. Last week he fell asleep at 8.45am (6am wake up) had a 20 min nap for the day and that was that. I put him to bed at 5pm!

Also, for the school run nap - could you leave early, let baby fall asleep in car and then just sit in the car outside school while baby naps? I do this when my older one needs a 12pm pick up from nursery, we leave at 10.45, arrive by 11am and baby has drifted off (because I’ve played calming music and blasted the heaters!) then I sit in the car and read for an hour before getting out to pick up older one.

I'd also be tempted to try one proper nap a day (maybe with a school run cat nap if he needs it).

Shift the morning nap by as much as you can each day so it gets nearer to lunchtime. Give him an 11am lunch if you need to so he's fed by the time he goes down.

@modgepodge I hear you! We had a terrible time with sleep and tried everything. In the end I followed guidance from a sleep coach as she created some really useful routines to follow per age group that really helped us out when sleep was an absolute nightmare. I stuck to it religiously and it was so so helpful.

I think for you it's the morning nap that needs to be capped to allow the lunch time nap to be the longest and give baby as much rest as possible. This should eventually mean baby can last until 6:30 bedtime.

For 10-14 months age she suggests:

• Wake between 6:30 - 7:30am and give milk & breakfast
• 9:30 short nap (wake after 30 mins)
• 10:15 snack and drink
• 11:20 protein based lunch and drink
• 11:45 nap (preferably in cot - can have up to 3 hours)
• 2:30-3pm milk feed (drop by 14 months)
• 5pm carb based dinner with water
• 5:45-6pm bathtime
• 6:30 bedtime milk in lounge with lights on, baby crawling around etc.
• 6:45 bed time (put down in cot awake so baby can self settle)

Hope this helps! xx

Just an update and plea for any further suggestions…the last few days he’s done a shorter (45 mins) nap in the morning and a longer one (1.5hours) at about 1.15, waking in time for the school run.

However bedtime is still an issue. I have moved it to 7.30. This means the hour before bed is fraught, with trying to give my daughter some nice screen free playtime and stories, while the baby is clearly exhausted. At 7.30 he generally feeds to sleep pretty quickly. But then he wakes up, usually when transferred to his cot (which I do about 20-30 mins after falling asleep). Then he’s awake again for hours.

So I’ve made changes and bed time is still awful, and my daughters previously excellent bedtime routine is messed up, and she’s upset and taking forever to fall asleep too.

baby is probably only getting 9 hours overnight. Shouldn’t he be exhausted????

Sounds really hard work.

One question is why isn’t he going to sleep in his cot? If the transferring him is waking him can you remove that from the equation?

good luck

I would love it if we went to sleep in his cot. If he’s put in there when awake he just screams until he becomes hysterical, even with me sitting with my hand on him, shhing him. Or, he just sits up.

he always used to just feed to sleep then transfer. That stopped a couple of months ago (both the reliably feeding to sleep, and the ability to transfer when he does) and we haven’t yet found a solution. We are theoretically trying a gradual withdrawal thing, starting with cuddling him (rather than rocking), then hand on back/patting, then just sitting nearby. But we can’t get over the first hurdle of him falling asleep in any way at the moment.

Different to previous posters, I’d suggest an earlier bedtime if the last nap finishes
that earliest . My DD also dropped to a 45 minute morning nap and an hour and half in the afternoon around 10 months, but her last nap usually finished 3-3.5 hours before bed. Appreciate timing that with the school run is a challenge though, as our optimal nap time at that age was 2-3.30 for a 7pm bed

We were on an earlier bedtime (6.30) until a week ago…most people seemed to think it was too early and to try later. But it hasn’t made any difference ☹️ hubby is still upstairs now - it’s been 1 hour 45 so far.

It's tricky,

Since my post above we had hell for 3 nights of him taking 3 or 4 hours to go to sleep. So we have completely shifted our routine and it's working well (aside from one night when he was awake till 11pm!)

7.30am - wake up and milk

9am - breakfast

9.45am - nap

11am/11.30am - wake up and milk

2pm - nap

3pm - wake up for school run

4pm - Milk

5.30pm - dinner

7.45pm ish - milk and bed