Short tempered frustrated violent 2.5 year old

[Ellebel]

I have a 2.5 year old that has always been hard work. Cried endlessly as a baby, as soon as he had teeth his was biting, has seemed frustrated often from a very young age. He can be full of joy and light- he’s hit all milestones early. Full of energy, never sits still, loves a cuddle, loves music, loves people. Has very good language for his age and is very chatty. Life and soul of the party! But can flip very suddenly for no apparent reason and turn violent. I know having a short fuse is not unusual for toddlers. But it seems extreme with him. We’ve been called into nursery 3 times in the last 1.5 years to discuss things and come up with action plans (reiterating kind hands/ teeth are not for biting/ sticker charts to celebrate when he expresses anger verbally rather than being violent) we’ve been called into nursery again this week after he hit a teacher and threw a chair at another child today… I get endless incident reports- it is always my child hurting another, never him being hurt… my hands are shredded to pieces by his endless pinching and biting me. He does show remorse, will come and kiss it better. But 2mins later- he’s being violent again.

I am at my wits end with it, we have read so many books to him about it, endlessly repeat to be gentle and kind. Give him magnesium as that has been recommended to help temperament. I feel like I’m failing as a mother. I see other parents looking at me at nursery, I get it, I’d be pissed off if my kid kept getting hurt by another. I am due to give birth in 2 weeks to our second boy, and fear this will make things worse not better.

Sorry for very long post, am hoping someone might have some advice for me, been through similar, is he too young or should I be taking him to some kind of behaviourist?

Many thanks in advance x

reiterating kind hands/ teeth are not for biting/ sticker charts to celebrate when he expresses anger verbally rather than being violent

all this sounds way too soft and gentle when dealing with a child like that. How often does he get a good firm NO. What are consequences for violent behaviour?
You can’t do namby pamby gentle parenting with kids like that. They need to be told in black and white.

I had one a bit like this - he turned out to be Autistic and is a (mostly) thriving 10 year old. Doesn’t mean your child will be, but looking back that’s what I remember about his temperament.

@Notgivenuphope the kind hands/ teeth are not for biting are the titles of the books recommended for kids, and sayings we continue to reiterate. When he actually hurts us we say no, stop what we’re doing, move away etc. Makes no difference what we do, or how loud we say no, he either finds it funny or just saunters off. We’ve tried naughty step but again, maybe as so young, won’t stay on it. I don’t want to hit or bite him back…

@Postchristmasblah was the violence the only behaviour he showed that suggested autism? I’ve questioned if autism could be a factor but they always say because he is so bubbly and sociable it is unlikely. But I do wonder

Pretty much. He had exceptional speech. He did make good eye contact, but in hindsight it was on his terms. He was quite possessive of me, and quite clingy, and struggled with transition. But nothing that made anyone concerned.