Only child when there is no family around

[bookwormboymum]

Hey all, writing to see if we made the right decision and to change it while we can. We have a 4 years old boy. I never wanted a second child till now. I have been thinking friends are enough and he will make loads of friends at school. but obviously i was being stupid and it's not easy to make and retain friends. it hurts when he says he doesn't have anyone to play with. Friends get busy and they find other friends so we are always in search of someone to play with. Its been so hard lately that I am struggling with the thoughts of him being lonely.

Are there any only boy families that feel the same way? I play with him for sometime and I feel exhausted after that. then i start thinking if we had another one they both would be playing and I didn't have to worry about looking for friends for him. He is good and happy to play all by himself most of the times. So i also think may be we will risk all the happiness we have if we decide to have another one now. How is other only boys doing when they are older. Now i realise not everyone is lucky to have friends around all the time :( We don't have any family staying close by. there all in another country. Financilaly we are not too bad but we will have to stretch with another one and cut down on holidays and spendings.

I had PPd and still recovering from it We are both in early 40s so that's another reason to think may be it's not a graet idea to think about it now. as there will also be a 5 years age gap between them and they might not be playing together even. Its so hard to keep up with these thoughts, decide something and settle with it. Would be good to know what everyone else think. sorry for long post

It's a terrible idea to have a child solely so your existing child has a sibling. You should only have one if you want to have two children. With a 5 year age gap, your second child isn't going to solve the "someone to play with at school" issue, so it's the free time you need to focus on.

We have an only, who is 3. He's not had any trouble making or keeping friends so far, and he always manages to find someone to play with when we go out (often much older children). Obviously he's still small, but if he's struggling to make friends in future we just plan to fill his time with activities where he's still socialising and having fun even if he doesn't have close friends (eg sports teams, clubs, squirrels/beavers etc). Assuming he wants the social contact, of course, plenty of people are happy in their own company for most of the time. Having social activities without actual friends has always been what I prefer, if actual friends weren’t possible for some reason.

Thanks for your response, that's how i feel too. but when i see other siblings playing well, I feel my LO is missing something because of me. I am not sure how to get rid of that dissapointment and be happy with just one. Especially when we go out i always see mums with 2-3 kids and i feel so bad

If it makes you feel better, I see a lot of children with siblings who have terrible social skills generally because they're used to always having that sibling around. Can’t do an anything alone, can’t start conversations with new children, struggle to join groups. Not all of them and it's no reason to not have multiple if you want to of course, but even when siblings get along and are overall a positive, there can still be negatives.

Personally I think there are huge advantages in having an only child. No guarantees siblings will play together even with smaller age gaps. If having a sibling for your child is the main motivation then I'd definitely not consider a second child. Just my opinion.