Feeling stuck in a rut with DS(5)..

[Mintooo]

My DS is a wonderful, lovely, intelligent little guy but I would say he's aged me about 15 years since having him.

As a new baby he was very good, but even by about 6 months I could tell he was quite highly strung and not very easily satisfied.

Age 2 and 3 felt very hard. He just always seemed uptight about everything and whiny. Of course there was wonderful times within the day to day grind and I've always showing him lots of affection, cuddles and kisses etc.

Anyway, age 4 he started to become pretty hard work, not at nursery but at home, and mostly with me and less so DH, although sometimes with DH too, who on occasion gets pissed off. This probably coincided with having DD when he was 3.5, he loved her at first but when she started moving he suddenly became very aware of her and territorial over his stuff.

Anyway, now DS is 5 and started reception in September. DD is 18 months.
I've also taken on a small promotion at work and do 4.5 days so my mind is pretty full. He's great at school and learning loads, very sociable so no concerns there.

But I just find him soooo demanding, he won't play on his own, and if he does for 1 second, I still have to "look!". He needs 2 walks a day to stop bouncing off the walls, and when he's at home he just winds his sister up, and the cat! If we ask him to do something his first reaction is no. He's naturally a wind up, and honestly I know he is tougher to parent than my friends' DSs.

So I guess I just have my guard up with him, it's like I've branded him hard work in my mind and so I don't relax with him, because I'm on edge waiting for the next thing I need to pull him up on. I think he's picked up on this and he's started rejecting me. I know that I need to be the bigger person here but I am finding it hard to get the energy not to react in the way that feels natural to me, and not to always start with "no don't do that". I feel like if I let my guard down I will be failing him by not putting wrong things right. I want him to be a good person, and have a happy life.

I am sure this is something all parents go through but any advice would be welcome on how to deal with a full on 5 year old boy!

Hopeful bump

Anyone?

He sounds typical for a child his age. It sounds like you need to work on your bond. Take just him out at the weekend for an activity so you can bind together. 5 mins before you collect him from childcare take big breath, look at baby photos of him and look forward to seeing him again.

You won't be 'failing him by not putting the wrong things right'. Pick your battles as they say. Let things go. He's only little. He will grow out of most things in months, weeks, years, who cares?

I remember my mother getting really upright that my then 2 year old stood on the chair to eat at the kitchen table. Does she still stand on the chairs at 17? No.

@Mintooo nothing you've said sounds particularly extreme to be honest, but I know it's hard to fully get stuff across writing it out online sometimes.

For what it's worth my son is 5 and is quite demanding most of the time. He struggles with independent play and gets very anxious. Likes routine and "a plan" but we struggle with rigidity and repetitive behaviours from him quite a bit. He's high energy and while sometimes he listens and takes direction really well, other days he is positively selectively deaf and will do anything to delay doing the very simple thing I've asked him. If I had 50p for each time I hear "no I just needed to do this" I could comfortably give up work 🤣

He's incredibly compliant at school (his teacher has mentioned it a few times) and the other day when I did get frustrated at the not listening I tried talking to him about it and he said "well, mama, I HAVE been using my listening ears ALL DAY you know" 🤣🤦 But in all seriousness, when I thought about it I was like... He probably has been and he's a mix of tired but has crazy energy to burn. So I try and keep that in mind.

Also, with his younger sibling - it's hard because they're at totally different stages. He'll be doing Lego or set ups or games with stories and the toddler (obviously) won't be able to join in properly but will want to play... But no one wants their Lego getting wrecked!

Try and have some fun with him, stop thinking you need to correct everything, in case it means he turns into a axe weilding maniac. You really need to stop always thinking of him as "hard work" before the days even started because you'll be on edge automatically and he will pick up on that. He's just a 5 year old.

Obviously manners are important and violence or destructive behaviour need to be dealt with immediately. But I get the impression it's not that extreme, more that he's very sensitive and high energy?

@FiveWhatByFiveWhat thanks so much for that. It's helped me feel a bit better about it all.
And what you say about your DS being a bit anxious around independent play, this really resonates as my DS is very much like this. For instance this morning I was sat with him whilst he was watching tv/half playing and I said I was just getting up to grab my cup of tea and his instant reaction was to go "nooo don't do that".
He's also very very compliant at school. The TA said he is "ridiculously polite", I thought really!?
I think he's very bright and just full of life but it doesn't create an easy environment at home.
But I think you're right I need to accept his age a bit more, realise it is obvious that him and DD are at different stages and we need to manage it better.
I do hope though that age 6 is a bit easier than 5...

I think being hard work after school is par for the course in reception children. They are often pretty tired but show this by being oppositional, getting angry and sometimes having complete meltdowns.

I'd suggest you pick your battles, given the above. Maybe think of 3 things you really want to sort out and just work on those for now. He may have begun to feel that you are on his case about everything.

Also children respond much better to praise than being told off, so where you can, catch him being good and praise him.
" I could see you were really frustrated when your sister kept trying to grab your toy. Is was so kind and sensible that you went and got her a different teddy/car/ball rather than fighting with her. Well done" etc