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Original poster

Baby’s father wants to come on holiday with us

65 replies

ZanyPinkSeal · 25/01/2025 16:29

Hi all,

I am pregnant and my baby’s father and I have broken up. I have come to terms with this as time has gone by and I am in a mind frame of doing the best job at co parenting to benifit our child. He also has this mind frame and plans to be an active father.

Today my mother has spontaneously booked in a holiday for us in 2026 to Jamaica for two weeks. By this time baby will be 1 years old. As soon as she told me she wanted to do this I checked in with my baby father to check that he is ok with this. I explained where the hotel is and who will be there and date. A lot of my other family memebers will be there so this is a big family holiday. He said he wants our little one to have the best experience possible so he said yes!

However as we continued to talk he sounded disappointed and he mentioned he wanted to come to experience it too. I explained it is something I am not comfortable with. Personally speaking (I did not say this to him) I don’t want to pay such a large amount of money (3k!!) to not have a proper holiday and have to have him there. With so many family memembers around I will have a chance to relax and have fun, I know him being there will spoil this for me. I don’t view this holiday as something I am doing for the baby but for both of me and baby.

I did explain to him if he wants to take our child abroad after 1 years old he can and I will not block him from doing so as we need this to be mutual. We both love travelling so one rule can’t apply for one of us, but at the same time I wouldn’t want to join him it would be uncomfortable for me. I feel like it is a step too far, and I am trying my best to think of what coparenting things are fair but I feel like I need some boundaries atleast.

Also as this is a family holiday I know people will talk, about the fact we aren’t together but he’s here. He said never mind that but I just know It will just not be a comfortable experience for me. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2025 17:38

barofsoap · 25/01/2025 17:36

yes, did you?

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Then why do you think she should holiday with her ex??

barofsoap · 25/01/2025 17:38

ZanyPinkSeal · 25/01/2025 16:46

This is a 2026 trip is a family (mom, aunties, cousins) holiday, which is why it is being booked in advance, I don’t see why I shouldn’t book it in now as I know I will want to go and it will be a lot more expensive if I book closer to the time. I travel a lot and father of baby travels a lot so if I want to keep travelling I think it is only fair he can travel with baby on his own too obviously after a suitable age.

I have no desire to go on holiday just the three of us haha

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OK that's fine - just see how you feel in 2026 - is this a first baby BTW?

barofsoap · 25/01/2025 17:39

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2025 17:38

Then why do you think she should holiday with her ex??

Show quote history

because he is the father of the baby. because he seems to want to holiday with them anyway. they might be back as a happy couple by then - who knows??

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2025 17:42

barofsoap · 25/01/2025 17:39

because he is the father of the baby. because he seems to want to holiday with them anyway. they might be back as a happy couple by then - who knows??

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Yeah that’s still weird. She’s said nothing to indicate they will be a couple and it isn’t healthy or normal to holiday with your ex. It doesn’t matter if he wants to tag along, OP doesn’t want to holiday with him…

mindutopia · 25/01/2025 17:45

No 😂 At one, babies don’t care where the heck they are. It’s all a bit same ole shit, different scenery. This holiday is for you and to spend time with your family. Would you take him away on a girls weekend away? No, that would be bonkers. This would be no less bonkers. Once baby is used to spending overnights with his/her dad, he’s more than welcome to plan his own holiday though.

Ceecee2422 · 25/01/2025 21:35

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2025 17:42

Yeah that’s still weird. She’s said nothing to indicate they will be a couple and it isn’t healthy or normal to holiday with your ex. It doesn’t matter if he wants to tag along, OP doesn’t want to holiday with him…

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Of course someone can holiday with their ex if they get along and are co parenting and both want to go, if one doesn’t that’s the difference but seems like you’re only pushing for some toxic separation, some exes can still be friends you know…… Jesus…….

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/01/2025 22:07

Of course he can't come . He'll likely have a new gf by then and she'd want to come too which would be even weirder.
Don't talk about stuff this far ahead with him op just focus on the next few weeks once baby is there as you don't know what they'll be like and need and how comfortable you'll feel with certain things. Don't promise him having baby overnight away from you or staying overnight at yours as you might not feel comfortable.

BoldRed · 26/01/2025 02:49

Give the baby your surname and register the baby yourself. Will make travelling easier.

Coffeeguru81 · 26/01/2025 07:37

This couple broke up before the baby has even been born
So I think unlikely that they will “back as a happy couple” in a year’s time @barofsoap

barofsoap · 26/01/2025 07:43

Coffeeguru81 · 26/01/2025 07:37

This couple broke up before the baby has even been born
So I think unlikely that they will “back as a happy couple” in a year’s time @barofsoap

agree and makes the whole idea of him planning to go on holiday with her family in 18 months time even more bizarre

Sunflowergirl1 · 26/01/2025 07:47

Utterly bizarre he is even asking and that you have even considered it. Why on earth would your family even want it..the likelihood of rows and awful atmosphere is huge as well.

But yes, let's also see what he is like post birth

Coffeeguru81 · 26/01/2025 07:57

barofsoap · 26/01/2025 07:43

agree and makes the whole idea of him planning to go on holiday with her family in 18 months time even more bizarre

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Huh? You were saying that they could be and so totally reasonable of him to pursue this holiday idea

Coffeeguru81 · 26/01/2025 07:59

Sunflowergirl1 · 26/01/2025 07:47

Utterly bizarre he is even asking and that you have even considered it. Why on earth would your family even want it..the likelihood of rows and awful atmosphere is huge as well.

But yes, let's also see what he is like post birth

He will be a controlling shit unless managed now.
Or
after giving it the “I want to be involved and present as much as possible” will be very absent and be an arse paying maintenance

Almahart · 26/01/2025 08:02

Obviously this is a no, but I definitely wouldn't be making promises that he can take a very little child away either. I don't know what your custody arrangements are going to be, but more than a couple of days will feel like a lot to a toddler

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2025 08:25

You have no idea how you’ll feel about him taking your dc abroad age 4 let alone at 1. You have no idea how he will feel. The only way that you are guaranteed right now to be able to take your baby abroad is not to have him on the birth certificate and idk if you want to go down this route. You have taken a big risk booking on this trip and thinking there will be no issue.

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