My DD is 9 split with her father 6 years ago now. We had a 10 yr relationship - I was young and it was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive.
when DD returns home after seeing her dad (which is a lot) she’s always seemed to struggle a little with different households. However, as of late, It’s like she really dislikes me. When it’s just the two of us she’s like a different child but when she comes home from her dads she looks annoyed to see me, grumpy, and just seems really angry towards me.
He is very persuasive and impressionable. And he puts me down a lot in front of her, makes lots of comments about me in a ‘jokey way’ and he feels the need to treat her like his ‘best mate’ rather than as a daughter. It’s clear he speaks very negatively about me in front of DD - as DD has started to repeat things he says. As an example I’m at university (doing a PhD) and DD said to me the other day it’s about time I got a ‘real job’ and that ‘education gets you nowhere’ - clearly her dad speaking. All of his views and opinions come out. On the other hand she idolises her dad which I want her to have a really close relationship but I feel he has to be the ‘better parent’ and is so competitive with me. I took her to Disneyland Paris before Xmas and we had the best time, as soon as she seen her dad she said it was ok but it wasent proper Disney world like florida and my dad promised to take me florida (he constantly makes these empty promises).
Its such a bugbearer that he’s training her to be like a carbon copy of him. He’s materialistic and obbsssed with money - when she wears something off her dad she’s not allowed to get it dirty and got to look after it, whereas I let her be a kid and run around on parks in mud etc.
When it’s DD and me on our own without seeing him we have the closest relationship, we’ve got a lovely home, lovely family and friends and generally were always out and about - DD has really active and fun lifestyle. It’s really hard when she comes home.
My family despise him for what he put me through but I have always made sure that absolutely no comment is made about her dad in front of her as she loves him and I don’t want her to think any different. However, I’m fed up of him making comments and DD taking a dislike to me.
I’m really worried come teenage years that she’s going to choose to live with him. His mum left his dad when he was young and he hates her becuase of it - his dad turned him completley against his mum. And I feel he’s doing the exact same because I left him and he’s never accepted it. But i had to leave becuase of the abuse. I’m just worried that his narcissistic ways are going to be damaging for my DD and also damaging for my DDs and my relationship.
I really don’t want to bring anything upto him as he’s not a rational person he would just say something to hurt me further and he would get a kick out of him thinking he’s the ‘best parent’.
Anybody have similar experiences or words of advice with this - feeling really fed up