Not what I hoped for.

[Rach7291]

Please no judgement!
We tried for 5 years for DD. She’s our little miracle after being told i’d never have a baby. I love her more than anything but I’m not enjoying being a parent at all. She is such hard work. She cries and whines all day long. Nothing seems to make her happy. I can’t get anything done during the day because she will not sit and play alone or watch me do stuff if I take her with me. Sometimes I really regret having a baby, because this is just awful. Everyone else seems to have really happy, chilled babies and mine is just so grumpy. I’m always hoping with each month that goes by, it will get better but it just gets worse. I can’t cope with it anymore. I have no support, no family or friends. Nobody bothers with us and i’m so lonely which makes it even harder to cope with. I’ve tried baby groups but DD just screams and cries the whole way through so i’ve stopped going. I feel like having a baby has ruined my life and I hate that. Being a mum is all I ever dreamed of and its not what I expected at all.

My DD was a very clingy baby. I couldn't walk more than a meter away from her without her screaming for me to come back. I couldn't cook. I couldn't make a drink. I remember my DH went on holiday for a weekend when she was a baby. I ate the same cold pasta bake for 3 meals a day for 3 days, from the dish with a spoon until he came back. It was the best I could do to pull it out of the fridge onto the counter whilst holding her in the other hand.

It got better when she was about 10-11 months and she started getting interested in playing with DH. Then she started nursery. She's now 2.5 years and plays happily by herself for long periods. Her starting nursery really helped. And we have another, far more chilled out baby, which changed her expectations of how much she could be attached to me whining over night! She's still quite a sensitive child, but it's somehow less cutting when a toddler cries because the shower is too wet or a blanket won't do what she wants, than when a baby cries.

Happy mummy happy baby. Start socialising. Church coffee mornings where a cuppa is donation usually or silly cheap. In theory your find good listeners and may even find friends.
When baby sleeps mummy sleeps , the rest will wait until your awake. She's not weeks she's months, so when hoovering put some child friendly music on and have a dance so she sees it as fun. In front of her have things she can do if she chooses. She'll get there.
Sadly it is tough, especially if you've picked up as soon as crying.
Things will improve but a little socialising and fresh air helps mummy and baby.
Are you not under a health visitor for the first year 🤔 maybe ask for some helpful ideas from her.
Is there a pool near by. That age absolutely love a splash in the pool plus a bite afterwards and drink and then a nice snooze while you snooze too or relax.

Ave you checked for a milk allergy. Game changer for my daughter was a dummy. We didnt want to but it worked.

Sympathy op! I felt exactly the same . Difficult first baby is hard as you don’t have the skills/ knowledge. It got better when she could walk but was quite hard work until she was 6. 12 now and a delight! Mostly !! You will find your groove. It just takes time .

@DesteB shes had reflux since she was born but no other symptoms of anything. Her reflux has got alot worse the last 2 weeks but i'm unsure if thats to do with teething or not. She has a dummy already but i try not to give it to her unless its sleep time

My first child was just like this. Hated being a baby. Cried at nappy changes, food time, pram time, sleep time. Everything. I felt such rage at others mothers with easy babies. My own mum blamed me for being too nice to my baby and spoiling them. When they got to a toddler they became a joy! They loved walking and talking!!

Rolled the dice again and second child is a normal baby, more content and just chilled.

Dont blame yourself for a hard baby and don’t let it stop you having another one day if it’s what you want. Can you put your baby into nursery and go back to work now to have a break?

Ours was like that with undiagnosed cows milk protein allergy. It's really hard, do get whatever support you can.

No two are the same.
I got a screamer for the wells 2-9 and he turned a corner, I wasn't sure I'd go again but my second was a dream x

They are the ones that made me feel even more alone... in their wee clicks 😣

OP I feel your pain. It’s heartbreaking when the parenting journey is not quite what you hoped for. One thing I will say is that it can be just plain hard looking after a baby all day. My son was colicky from day 1 (no exaggeration) and there were some low moments for me as a first time mum. Feeling like a failure, boredom, exhaustion. Not a good combination. I resented the fact that I couldn’t go to baby sessions knowing that my baby would just start screaming while ‘all the other babies cooed and were smiling and happy’. Of course that’s not reality, all babies can be difficult or fussy and cry, but that was my impression looking at all the other mums who had luck of the draw with a happy calm baby. You’re not seeing the wood for the trees at the moment I would suggest though given that you’ve not even reached the end of the first year of parenting. I much prefer toddlerhood with my son, although he has his own challenges, it’s much calmer, much less exhausting. I’m sure those parents who had ‘easy babies’ would disagree! As an aside I fucking hate mum groups. I hate the competitiveness, the judgement, the bollocks …

I think 4 months - 10 months is the worst. They need entertainment but can’t actually do anything. It’s horrendous. I just walked, and walked and walked. Will she go in a carrier?

it won’t be like this forever. Having a baby means having a family. I want desperate to have A baby but I did want a family. You don’t have to love every part of it xx

My first was like this. Extremely alert, high needs and short fused. I used to read MN threads completely agog when people would say their baby would happily sit in a bouncer watching mundane household tasks. From weeks old DS wanted varying, exciting stimulation (he also loved being outside) or he’d be whinging and crying.

To be completely honest, he’s still really hard work now at nearly 5. He’s never ever going to be chilled out and easy going, that’s just not who he is. FWIW as well as being very intense and highly strung he’s also very very clever.

But it’s a lot better than the baby stage. That first year nearly broke me. He definitely improved with every milestone. Walking and then talking were big turning points. Toddlerhood felt like a walk in the park in comparison!

My second did nothing but sleep and breastfeed for the first 4 months and then had been a mostly content little potato since. It really is luck of the draw what you get!

I actually found no. 2 easier; not because he’s easier but because your life is already screwed anyway so you actually appreciate the joyous moments more with no. 2 I found.

Mine was like yours op. Initially silent reflux was the issue, but after that stopped it was sheer frustration. It got better with every milestone reached. He's 4 now and I will be bereft when he goes to school and we don't have our days off together any more. 18 months until 3 was great, the good thing about having a misery baby is that you really enjoy the toddler stage because it feels soooooo much easier compared to what you were dealing with. Some of the people with easy babies get quite a shock with toddlers. 3 was a bit of a challenge over here he was either amazing or really difficult. 4 has been much easier so far. I think parenting is just an ever changing thing and you luck out with some ages more than others.

Also think we had to leave the house at least 3 times a day when mine was an older baby. He would just bored otherwise

My daughter fussed and screamed for 16h a day due to multiple food allergies and reflux. Around 7-8 months we had to add in a third reflux medication to manage her reflux as the other two couldn't be increased further. Her reflux is made so much worse but teething so it might be that their reflux treatment needs adjusting.

To give you some hope my daughter is now 4 still with reflux and allergies but much more manageable and when she was 3 we changed our minds on only having 1. I had some counselling with my HV which helped process the first year which was just utterly awful. Her reflux and allergies and I had depression and pyschosis plus the pandemic and ill family members. It really helped. We started trying again nearly a year ago. Mother nature is having other ideas so we have got number 2 yet. We are in a place where would be delighted to have another even if they were the same as my daughter as we aren't the same. We would be going into it with different experiences under our belts. If it's not meant to be we are perfectly happy with our daughter. When she was under 2 it was all still so raw and I never felt I would be able to go through it again.

How is your HV? I know experiences vary but I've had nothing but good experiences with them and they were very helpful at listening during the early months and supporting me with speak to drs and dieticians when her symptoms swayed away from "normal baby"