Sleep not getting better

[YellowBannana]

Hi,

Having a bit of a wobble, my baby is over 1yr now and sleep is still really bad. We may have blips for 2/3 weeks where its better, but on average its pretty bad. Hes just getting over an illness so hes refusing to be put down and waking constantly and leaving him to cry a bit isnt even helping.

starting to feel a bit helpless. My first year was so hard, he barley slept in the day and night. Everyone says it gets easier and it has, but right now we are both up so much in the night, barley have time to eat our dinner that its like hes a newborn again. The fact we are over a year in now is scarying me a bit. How do mums with more than one child do this? Do they have easier babies or are they just the real heros here?

would love more than anything to have another, but it isnt possible when sleep is this bad. Our lives our so hard compared to when we manage some sleep. We dont mind 1 or 2 night wakings, but right now is too much and im wondering when is it going to stop. Feels like such a sad situation because we love him to pieces, but when I feel like this it has me questioning everything :(

My youngest (and my eldest) were both very bad sleepers. My youngest is now 17 months old. I was feeding her (I breastfed) at least 3 times a night until she was a bit over a year old, and that's not counting all the times she woke and needed settling without being fed! But it started to get a bit better shortly after she turned one - I've been doing one night feed a night for a few months now.

My eldest (now 8) was also a terrible sleeper, but he eventually started sleeping through the night around 1. Now you couldn't wake him if you tried!

It's difficult to draw generalisations, as every baby is different, but I hope my experience is reassuring. I can completely see how you can't see how you could cope with another child at the moment - a year of no sleep destroys you in so many ways, you will need some time to recover. I still feel like I'm just getting back to my old energy levels.

It's worth saying though that all children are different, and you could find that your second child is much easier. This is what happened with mine - DC2 slept like a dream from very early on. Maybe I learnt some good lessons from DC1, or maybe he was just a different baby. Who knows?

You could try a sleep consultant - might help. Best of luck x

Lots of people aren’t ready to try for another baby when their first is only 1. 3 year age gaps seems the most common these days, so that means not trying again until until your first is more like 2 or 2 and a half. Which is usually big difference in terms of how much sleep you’re getting! Right now though… Have you consistently tried any sleep training- using 1 specific method for the usual time you’d expect to be needed to see results e.g. cry based for minimum 3 nights, or gradual retreat for a month? Would you consider a sleep consultant?

I have been there with my first OP and am now there with my second... struggling to make this post coherent due to exhaustion but I wanted you to know you're not alone.

In answer to your questions - parents with more than one child and how they cope vary! Some have brilliant sleepers (and that is due to luck, not parental expertise). Others are good at muddling along and are less bothered by lack of sleep or more willing to drop their work/social/home standards to compensate. & then there are parents like me, are certainly not heroes but it's not like you can send them back once you've had another - I teeter on the verge of a breakdown most days and nights. Not exaggerating.

My first was an appalling sleeper and I was convinced they would be an only child. There was precious little joy in my life until they dropped down to one feed a night (9 months) and slept through about 6 months after that. However I eventually forgot how hard it was and was gifted another who is an even worse sleeper, but it took years - there is no coincidence that there is a significant gap in age and there will be no more after this one!!!

The good news is that it does usually get better. Would you consider consistent sleep training once your DS is no longer poorly? It made the world of difference to us. You could ask on here if anyone could recommend a sleep consultant or alternatively I'd recommend Alexis Dubief's book, Precious Little Sleep.

I hope things improve for you soon!

Oh - and if you do decide to have another I hope they love their sleep! My mum tells me I barely slept and never napped but my dozy baby brother slept through almost immediately and she had a wonderful time.

Thanks for your replies everyone, im feeling the support/love. I think we are ready to try some sleep training. Deciding on our method and sticking to it is the next step. Also, need to build up some mental strength for it! I really hope it works miracles, like some of you said you heard it has 🤞

I sleep trained. Life changing.

In the same boat, DD is coming up 13 months and still wakes 6 times a night (and that is on a good night) she is baby number 5 and the worst sleeper! ive had twins and had better sleep 😂 i know i need to sleep train but don’t have the energy at the moment and she is extra clingy due to being ebf (my older kids were ff) so im dreading it but definitely needs to be done xx

My DC both woke hourly until 3 and a half. With DC1 I spent 3 years reading advice and getting myself all stressed about it, spent most nights up shush patting and trying to settle. Dc2 I decided I wouldn't do that ever again and just co-slept until he was 3. We all slept, albeit with a foot in the face sometimes.

I hired a sleep consultant and did some sleep training, mine slept through after 3 nights and it was worth every penny.

Neither of my children slept through til age 3.

We now suspect ND for my eldest.

You're right. Sleep training is the answer.