Please help, there is nothing in books about how to deal with this!

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I've posted several times about DS (3.4). He can wee in toilet (not too keen on potty) but only if I take him. Always does poos in pants.

HOWEVER, I asked at nursery if they took him coz he is always dry when I pick him up and they said that he goes by himself. I was stunned and asked them to make sure, so they monitored him and yup he goes all by himself when he needs.

Now how do I get him to do it at home, I've tried ignoring it, blowing up, lots of encouragement and I could just cry when he laughs at me each time.

Now he's just pee-ed all over the living room floor and laughed when I tried to talk to him about it. I gave his sister a sweetie and said he wasn't getting one til he did a wee or poo in the loo and he was off like a greyhound to the toilet. Of course he couldn't squeeze anything out as it was all over the floor.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

My little mindee just went through this; she totally knew how to use the toilet, but basically couldn't be bothered - what worked on her was smarties as a reward: 1 for a pee, two for a poo. Her mum kept it up for about 6 weeks until it was ingrained.

Deny all treats UNTIL he does it, then reward. Keep saying it - no sweets/biscuits whatever until you go to the toilet. You might need to deny him for a couple of weeks but it worked for me eventually. Really feel for you - it's so fecking tedious.

Bump for the evening crowd. He didn't wet himself for the rest of the day although we were out in the garden for most of it, with him in his swimming trunks or naked and he just peed in the shrubbery!!!! As he then told me, it's better that than in the paddling pool.

I have total sympathy with you - dd2 has just turned four and we were at our wits end with the same problem. She would wee and poo happily at nursery, or for others, but here at home was a complete nightmare, peeing and pooing in pants constantly and not caring.

Like you we tried EVERYTHING.

I finally posted about it on here a few weeks ago now, and was given great advice. Mainly to see gp and hv to rule out any medical issue, which I did, just to reassure us. The gp was excellent and had a stern little chat with her, and said to do a sticker chart for a month and then take it back to the gp to show her. She also said kind of start all over again by taking her to toilet after every meal and inbetween, make sure she knows you are disappointed if she has wet, but turn it into a positive ie I'm sure you can do it next time.

I truly thought none of it would work as we had tried charts/ignoring/getting angry etc etc, but for some reason it is nearly three weeks in and she has been amazing !

I am not having to even take her, as she is going by herself, and even for a poo, wiping her own bum etc. To say we have been in shock at the difference in her is an understatement.

She has also become amuch happier, chilled child again, as the stress surrounding her toilet issues were starting to effect my relationshop with her, which was why I posted out of desperation !

Hope that helps, but I think they are all different and the same approach may not work for another child. I think standing back and not getting cross, kind of uninolving myself emotionally I guess, has really helped.