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Original poster

Toddler only wants mum

8 replies

Lis667 · 22/01/2025 17:54

My husband and I are separated and currently going through a divorce, but are still living together for the foreseeable. It’s been ok, but for 18 months our daughter only ever wants me, when we are together. And when he just has her alot of the time she just says mummy mummy. He isn’t coping well with this and it’s causing a lot of stress and tension. He is saying sarcastic comments to her such as “love you too” and if she says mummy he says “oh no she’s all the way downstairs” “was nice seeing you” and more. He sarcastically talks to her and she replies to him so sweet and it makes me sad even though she doesn’t know.
Yesterday be I told me to stfu and called me a c*t. Due to his frustration he over reacted over something so small. I’m out of ideas, he does bedtime, he has all of Friday and Sunday with her, he’s very hands on so I’m not sure why she is only wanting me. I’m always telling her to say bye to daddy and give him a cuddle
Etc, I try my best when we are altogether to get her to interact more. I und stand how upsetting it must be for him. Any suggestions are welcome as it’s making every minute we were together at home uncomfortable.

OP posts:
porridgebath · 22/01/2025 17:58

It's standard at that age I think. He needs to shut up with the comments and carry on doing what he's doing in terms of spending time with her. When are you moving into seperate houses?

Original poster
Lis667 · 22/01/2025 17:59

porridgebath · 22/01/2025 17:58

It's standard at that age I think. He needs to shut up with the comments and carry on doing what he's doing in terms of spending time with her. When are you moving into seperate houses?

When I buy him out, he has somewhere to go at his mums but he is being awkward about it.

OP posts:
porridgebath · 22/01/2025 18:02

Lis667 · 22/01/2025 17:59

When I buy him out, he has somewhere to go at his mums but he is being awkward about it.

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It will be easier for her to accept the situation when you live seperately

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Completelyjo · 22/01/2025 18:03

I don’t think it’s really fair to say he’s just being awkward about it. You don’t want less time with your DD and neither does he.

Favouritism is a normal part of development, soon it will flip and he will be the favourite for a while. That’s just how toddlers are.

He needs to reign in the comments, I imagine he’s anxious that it could play into him less time with her. The most important thing with fickle favourites is not to overindulge imo. It’s a shit time for you to live together and be separating but at this age you both still need to facilitate the best relationship with the other parent your DD’s sake.

Original poster
Lis667 · 22/01/2025 18:12

Completelyjo · 22/01/2025 18:03

I don’t think it’s really fair to say he’s just being awkward about it. You don’t want less time with your DD and neither does he.

Favouritism is a normal part of development, soon it will flip and he will be the favourite for a while. That’s just how toddlers are.

He needs to reign in the comments, I imagine he’s anxious that it could play into him less time with her. The most important thing with fickle favourites is not to overindulge imo. It’s a shit time for you to live together and be separating but at this age you both still need to facilitate the best relationship with the other parent your DD’s sake.

he isnt living in the house because he doesn’t want less time with our daughter.

OP posts:
Katherina198819 · 22/01/2025 18:42

My toddler wants me all the time, too.
It's definitely normal, hoewer, I can tell my husband is heartbroken about it sometimes.

To be honest, I don't see any problem with the comments - why is it sarcastic to say you are downstairs if you are downstairs?
He probably just hurt and isn't sure how to handle it. I'm not surprised - I don't know how I would handle it if my toddler said she doesn't want me.

OliveOil2 · 22/01/2025 18:57

It's normal, a biological reality of being mummy. But it's up to him, as the adult, to look after his own emotions, and to stop trying to make the toddler feel guilty or have to make him feel better. The toddler does not need fixing, he needs to mind his own emotions and be accepting of the toddlers needs and feelings as they are right now.

Original poster
Lis667 · 22/01/2025 19:08

Katherina198819 · 22/01/2025 18:42

My toddler wants me all the time, too.
It's definitely normal, hoewer, I can tell my husband is heartbroken about it sometimes.

To be honest, I don't see any problem with the comments - why is it sarcastic to say you are downstairs if you are downstairs?
He probably just hurt and isn't sure how to handle it. I'm not surprised - I don't know how I would handle it if my toddler said she doesn't want me.

Because the comments are passive aggressive, and like a previous comment, it’s as if he is trying to make her feel guilty, and she doesn’t understand. So he sarcastically says “cya then” and she innocently waves. It’s not nice to see

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