Help with Night Wakings & Weaning 20-Month-Old off Breastfeeding

[QueenofPages]

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for advice or support regarding my 20-month-old, who has been really struggling with sleep recently. We’re in the process of trying to wean him off breastfeeding, but it’s proving quite challenging, especially during the night.
At the moment, he usually breastfeeds once or twice at night (none during the day anymore), but he often wakes up for extended periods between midnight and 5am. These wake-ups can last for an hour or two, and he frequently wakes up screaming, likely due to separation anxiety. When this happens, he will cry consistently for 20 minutes or more unless I give him the breast.
If I try to reduce the amount of breastfeeding or stop altogether during these wake-ups, he starts crying intensely again. If I put him back in his cot while he’s still upset, he continues crying and comes close to climbing out.
We’ve already tried a sleep consultant, a white noise machine, and a night light, but none seem to have made much difference.
Here’s a bit more about his routine:

• Dinner: He eats a balanced meal of protein, carbs, and fats at 5-5:30pm.
• Pre-Bed Snack: Around an hour before bedtime, he has porridge or some organic butter and fats.
• Bedtime Routine: My partner and I both put him to bed. We have story time and goodnight hugs and kisses, and then my partner leaves while I rock him to sleep.

His back molars are also coming through, which might be part of the problem, but the wake-ups feel more intense than just teething. We’re also navigating his loud cries, which can wake the rest of the house—especially as we have two older children (10 and 13) and a working partner in the house. I’d really appreciate any advice, tips, or reassurance from those who’ve been in a similar situation. How did you manage night weaning or deal with long night wakings at this age? Thank you so much in advance!

Put your partner exclusively in charge of overnights and bedtime for two weeks. Go out if you can.

Thanks, I'm able to catch up on the lost sleep during the day my partner would not be able to and works a highly technical job, he could definitely help on weekends but the week would be more than challenging. Does your suggestion come from experience? Whats the relevance of 2 weeks? Just long enough to teach toddler that a comfort feed isn't coming? Its worth noting for the hour and half that he is up, he is active and babbling not always constantly wanting to comfort feed. However if he wakes up crying hysterically, even I am unable to comfort him for close to 40 minutes without comfort feeding.

He is fine with in himself, no sore ears, no worms, no temperature.

Google Dr Jay Gordon nightweaning method.

Partner would have to suck it up. It wouldn’t take long. 2 weeks is a guide, by then a toddler would able to transition to a new routine. May take less time.

Is the waking up for hours at night because you won’t bf him? Or is that happening regardless? I found it very difficult to night wean a toddler at that age but easier when they were a bit older, closer to 2.5. I switched to rocking back to sleep instead but if that didn’t work then I would just bf to sleep for that wake, and then try rocking again at the next wake up. It took a month or so but it did eventually work. However it didn’t really reduce the wake ups, I just had to rock DC to sleep instead of feed them back to sleep. Eventually I slowly transitioned to cuddling back to sleep instead of rocking.