Sharing the workload / how equal do you have it!

[LoveChristmas1234]

I'm coming to terms with dealing with everything on my own and it's tough! Not because I'm on my own I'm not, I've been with my partner for a very long time, we have a 12 year old & 3 year old.

I'd say I've just got on and done everything since my oldest was little as we would argue every time I'd ask him to do stuff, I did all the clubs, pick ups and drop offs, juggle all the responsibility and work full time. He started up his own business which I supported us financially and carried the load of parenting whilst he worked alot.

I come to a point where I set boundaries and try to get him to help me, I must have the conversation every week now since having a 2nd child 3 years ago, he becomes better and does a little bit more like tea once or washes the pots then just reverts back to saying it's hard and it's because I wanted a big job that's too much, even though I needd to go back to work because he got us into alot of debt when I was on mat leave.

I've said I'm going to separate if things don't change and he says this will be awful for the children and that he does stuff.

At the moment my little one has started preschool after being with a childminder, I'm working full time around arranging settles, for a week, no family to help doing drio off and pick ups, I've been upset saying how I am going to do this whilst working and he just says everyone has to do this it's hard. So I'm sat here with a full diary with a toddler bouncing around me whilst I work, it's unmanageable.
I'll then, clean, make tea, do food shop, baths, sports club, have full responsibility over both children's school apps, arrange all financial bills, and just take the load. I've been asked to work abroad with my role for a week and my partner has said that's not doable. I'm the breadwinner and pay more for the bills etc, i just don't know what to do other than call it a day, it's either the job or relationship I'm miserable and feel so bad for the children.

He does do bits, like read to our 3 year old at night and bring them a drink in morning plus general diy.

I don't much in the way of useful advice here but want to BUMP the thread as I have just seen that no one has responded! If you don't get a response, please do start a new thread, sometimes it is luck of the draw - sometimes I get lots of replies and sometimes very few.

To your post now - you said that your partner set up a business, worked a lot but you were supporting everything - what is the situation now, is the business up and running and does your partner still work long hours? Does he have to work long hours? Is there potential for growth?

It sounds as though in many ways you are effectively a single parent. Does the relationship function at all between you? Have you imagined what it would be like if you split up? How would the children feel?

It sounds incredibly tough on you. Housework is such hard work, childcare a completely different type of hard work, and for you to be basically funding it - it is incredible what you are achieving.

My only suggestion here is pretty rubbish - doing a list of chores and putting on the fridge showing who should do what when.

I hope you get more useful answers.