Struggling with newborn sleep

[Cosyreader1]

Hi all,

I have a newborn, currently 3 weeks & 5 days old. I'm having difficulties getting her to settle in a moses basket at night and she seemingly just wants to contact nap. I've tried sitting with her until she falls asleep and transferring her to the moses but within minutes she's writhing around and crying until she's picked up again. During the day she sleeps in it no problem and can sleep lengthy periods if not woken up. I've also tried a swaddle up and white noise which again work well during the day but not at night. She makes a lot of noise, grunting etc and sounds quite congested at night when I lay her down. I didn't want to but I've tried co-sleeping thinking she wants the closeness but again she didn't settle. It's almost like she doesn't want to lay flat. Any suggestions to help settle her and improve her sleep or am I just possibly expecting too much too soon and need to give her time to adjust to day and night?

It sounds like she still has her days & nights mixed up and it’s very early still, it’s normal for them to want to be on you (fourth trimester). It just takes time, there are things you can do to help with day/night like lots of daylight, fresh air etc during the day but in all honestly they don’t properly learn day/night until around 12 weeks ish. It is hard but it doesn’t last forever, my daughter is 9 months old now and was the same x

At 2-3 weeks I think nearly all of my NCT group were holding out babies all night. By about 6 weeks it was just 2 of the 7 that still needed quite a bit of contact. We ended cosleeping on and off until 2 for various reasons, we started at 3 weeks as I made the decision that it was safer to deliberately cosleep than accidentally cosleeping. My daughter was the slowest to sleep independently but we have had a long battle with silent reflux and allergies.
Very normal for now and hopefully soon things will improve. I have always found doing a mix of what makes things easier for a few nights. Lean into the cosleeping if that gives you the rest and the headspace to then test if they are willing to go down. We had good runs of her doing more of her sleep not in my bed it was about picking the days when I had the energy to try and she wasn't having a bad time with allergies and reflux

Omg, I thought this was newborn sheep...oops.

Both of my children had night and day the wrong way round until at least 8 weeks, I found the best thing was just to lean in to it, I camped out on the sofa binging on shows and eating lovely snacks, may as well enjoy not sleeping. Everything you've said sounds so normal it's just a shame it's always such a shock to the system, I remember thinking why does no one warm you !! I guess people might chose not the have babies 🤣

Are you okay OP? Do you have support to get through this bit? Any other children? If not then the old unhelpful phrase of sleep when the baby sleeps might be your best bet here, during the day if they are having a nap at least try to rest when you can

My dd loved her next to me cot. Maybe you could try one of those? So she knows you are next to her.

I couldn't lie my 2nd flat. I had to tilt the cot. Otherwise threw up everywhere guaranteed. Might be struggling to breathe? Also if congested open the window a crack. Use saline nasal spray. Hopefully things improve.
Ps... newborns don't sleep...sorry! Apparently there's unicorn ones out there that do but mine didn't!!!

Will they take a dummy?I went against all advice and put them on their tummies, I've always slept like that. There were no other risk factors like being too warm, smoking etc. Their moses basket was next to me, I could hear them snuffling. You'll figure out a solution OP, parents always do.

@Alwaystired2023 thanks for asking..no other children (that's probably why it has been such as shock to the system!) But yes I have a partner and very good family support, however today was my partners first day back at work after paternity leave and with me breastfeeding I'm doing the majority of the nights. It's good to hear that this sounds normal and it does get better, i keep reading up on what to do etc. But the more I read the more I realise it's probably best just to lean in to it like you say, go with the flow and wait for her natural rhythm to develop!

@Petitepetite I've got one, unfortunately we tried it on our first night home and she wouldn't take to it at all, it was the worst night imaginable with absolutely zero sleep and her crying all night. I think it maybe felt to big for her as she looked so lost in it. However, I'm thinking it might be worth trying again!

That's good to hear. From this and other forums it sounds very much like around the 7/8 week mark things do ease so here's hoping.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach thanks for the tips, I have a next to me cot also that inclines so may be worth a try.

Yes totally agree OP, lean in for now, once their circadian rhythm develops you can reassess and (as you have probably seen) there a million options available to you to improve sleep. This doesn't feel like it now but it will pass. Depending on your vibe you might appreciate Sarah Hockwell Smiths article on baby sleep not being linear, or you might prefer to think 'get through this bit and then you have options to sleep train etc'.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

hopefully that works (and helps)

It's worth trying again. I never used a moses basket. My DD didn't sleep for long during the day as a baby. She slept at night and woke at regular intervals for her bottle. Didn't sleep through until she was about 5-6 months.

Our little one wouldn't settle in his next to me at first and, same as you, we felt he looked "lost" in there as it was so big. The midwife suggested putting the moses basket itself in the next to me overnight and he took pretty well to that until he was a bit bigger. I think we did put a very slight incline on it too. Not as easy to see in and we had all sides up rather than attach it to the bed but it did seem to help so may be worth a try.

Good luck - I know everyone says it but things do get easier so hang in there!

Sorry, just to add that was with the aim of getting baby used to the next to me. I appreciate you may not be there yet if the problem you're having is getting your little one to lie down to sleep at all at night.

I felt a bit paranoid about inclining it as the NHS guidelines are very strict about flat surface, but funnily it was the GP at my first babies first health check who suggested this (he was older with 4 grown up children of his own). He looked baffled when I asked if it was OK because NHS guidelines say not to. It definitely helped with both of mine, although I did struggle to drift off while they were on the incline, I'd often wait until they had been sleeping 10 mins then attempt to slowly lower it down without waking them.

She's probably not liking the colder surface/environment in the moses basket compared with daytime/sleeping on you.

She's still very small- Google 4th trimester if you haven't already read about it.

For a slight incline you can put a rolled-up towel or blanket under the mattress to create a slight incline.

Or co-sleep.

I would suggest introducing a bottle once a day or so if you ever want the option of someone else doing a feed.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach yes that was my first thought too, however the next to me actually states that it inclines to help with congestion and reflux in the instructions. From reading up a bit more it seems as long as the incline isn't too much it's generally OK. It's so difficult when there's so much conflicting advice out there.

I think it's a case of applying common sense isn't it. It's to stop them rolling down into dangerous positions i think.