Holiday with a toddler, newborn and a mother in law?

[Nokolite]

We are pregnant with baby number 2, due in May. Have a 3 year old boy as well. Decided to go on holiday to US at the end of August as thought that would be enough time for me to recover etc. My husbands mum asked if she can come and stay with us (in Airbnb) for the duration of our stay (11 days) to help with the newborn baby. My husband thought that’s a nice idea but I can’t stand the idea of spending so long with her. She’s very judgemental, criticising us etc and I just want to enjoy my holiday. It’s our first holiday as a family of 4 and i really don’t want other people there. Am I being unreasonable? She has family (sisters and brothers) in that particular place where we are going so when we’ve suggested she could stay at her sisters place she said she either stays with us or she’s not coming at all. That’s a guilt trip as my husband now feels bad to tell her how we feel.
I honestly feel like cancelling the whole thing but also part of me doesn’t want to do it as it’s unfair on our toddler who was looking forward to this trip.
what shall we do?

Im not sure why so many people keep telling me that it is an insane trip. It’s just a long haul flight. We’ve done so many of those with our toddler when he was an infant etc. It’s not something that scares me. I understand some people can’t be bothered and just travel short haul but that’s just not us. Plus that wasn’t even a subject of my thread.

Tell her you've decided to park it for now as you're not sure how you'll be in the summer and then tell her you got a last minute deal. At least you're kicking the can down the road a bit until you are more able to deal with her theatrics

@Hoppinggreen Missing the whole point of the thread.

Oh good God no! Just tell her no, it's your holiday, you shouldn't need to have it ruined by her tagging along uninvited.

Why are people saying she will need help? She shouldn't go so far? The kids won't remember? Surely she knows where she wants to go and if she's able to handle the kids 🤣

Absolutely, it's grating on me and it's not even my holiday 🤣

I'd tell her that if she's at death's door as she says, she probably shouldn't be travelling.

Missing the bit where I get to share an opinion

But no one asked your opinion on long haul travel with 2 young kids?

Stand firm with MIL, she sounds like a bloody nightmare. Hope you have a great holiday!

I honestly feel like cancelling the whole thing but also part of me doesn’t want to do it as it’s unfair on our toddler who was looking forward to this trip.

this was in your first post and i think it’s the reason why many of us commented about not bothering to go on the trip for your son’s sake.

I don't understand it either. I definitely took (and now taking again with my second) advantage of the free flights under two. So far, 16 flights and there will be more!
We had a 14-hour flight with a 6 months old and a 3 years old without a problem.
I found long-haul flights to be so much easier anyway. You get a basinet for a baby, more legroom, screen to entertain the toddler, etc.

I'm not sure why people think it's crazy, but it's their loss! Enjoy your holiday!

I wonder if she wants to stay with you to portray herself as the doting gm to her siblings?
No doubt she will ramp up the guilt, when she does, explain we need the evenings to ourselves with our toddler and baby. If she still insists, you and H just repeat ‘we need the evenings to ourselves’ like a broken record. So when she says ‘well I’m clearly not welcome, I won’t bother going then,’ You say ‘sorry you feel like that, we need our evening to ourselves.’ Don’t backtrack or explain your reasons again, just your broken record mantra everytime.

The trap manipulative people want is for you to keep explaining over and over again, your reasons why you don’t want to do something. The more you explain, the more manipulative they become, they may cry, they insist you’re wrong and that they will stay in their room, so you have privacy etc. You cave in and they never do as promised and it’s as bad as you imagined.
The broken record is like a shield, you never go over the reasons again, it’s been explained before and they choose not to understand. Everytime they go back to their wants and needs, you keep them on track with your mantra. Once they become angry, emotional, you end the call or get up and leave saying ‘I’m ending this discussion now, I’ve told you we need our space and that’s final. Goodbye!’