Feel like a rubbish mum.

[LifesABeachx]

Just want to start off by saying my DD is nearly 3. I made a conscious effort to get out and about with her almost every day - if not every day since she was a baby.

After she turned 2, she began to run away from me at any opportunity - whether this was at a kids group or out and about.
She has reins on majority of the time but obviously if I take her to a playpark then I'm not holding them whilst she plays.

In summer we were at the park and she edged towards the bigger kids equipment, I asked her to come back & when I started walking over to her, she bolted and made it out the gate at the park, as I got to the gate she turned round laughing and ran into a lamppost knocking herself unconscious (play park is next to a road)

Ive had major anxiety since this and as a result don't go out as often. In the last 2 weeks she's ran away from me twice - again at the same park, her gran at the same park and her granddad . Today I took her out on her scooter, of course I can't hold reins and make sure she doesn't scoot away. She got off the scooter and made for it towards a road AGAIN. I caught her, gave her a row and marched back home. We have continuously explained the dangers of running away, she can openly discuss the time she bumped her head and had to go to hospital.

I guess I'm genuinely at my wits end. I have no idea what else to do😭. Feel like I'm failing at parenting and my daughter is going to end up hurt!

I wouldn't let her scoot near a road at that age. Is there an area/park somewhere you can let her scoot/run around not near a road?

@Topjoe19 the plan was to go to an area like that but her grandad showed up last minute to see her so I changed the plan. We don't have a lot of places local to go that don't require a 30+ min walk there and back.

My house is near a playpark and some playing fields / football pitches. There's a road virtually going round it. It's a large area.

She was scooting up towards the playpark, halfway there and away from the road (so not right next to it). Then she stopped and just bolted backwards - heading back towards the road🙈. The playpark mentioned also has 2 gates, one which leads to this path and one virtually beside the road.

I use her reins to walk with her everywhere, even to this playpark and back. Today I let go of them to let her go the scooter & obviously whenever we go into the playpark let them go.

I would try to explain to her OP why it’s so dangerous for her to run off (but obviously in an age appropriate way since she is only almost 3) and with the repetition since you’ve already done this, it should eventually click.

It might also be worth telling her that when she ran into the lamppost, Mummy was upset that she was really hurt, and when she runs away, you get upset as you are worried she may hurt herself again and really badly.

Failing that, have you tried making it into a game? Allow her to run when you say she can, then she has to stop when you say, and so forth. Then you can stop her when she is too far, or after a few seconds and it might make her think it’s a game and listen more? I do this with my niece when she refuses to put her shoes / coat on and it works wonders and it worked with my boys too when they were younger.

But the most important thing for me to write is that you are clearly a good Mum!!

Someone told me once, parents that are rubbish parents don’t question whether they are good parents or not as they simply don’t care whether they are a good parent!!

The fact that you care and don’t want her to hurt herself shows that you are a good parent ☺️

I just thought, maybe a reward chart might help too? And explain that if she doesn’t stop when you say stop when you are playing the game, you won’t be able to play it anymore. Make it fun when you do it and she’ll want to carry on hopefully and listen when you say stop. Good luck x

This but you need to reward immediately as you would a dog, crisps or chocolate.
Eventually dd will stop automatically on your command and you can cut the treats out.

Thanks for your reply @Mumto42005 It means a lot ❤️. I will definitely be reiterating about the dangers and hopefully it will stick.

She finds it funny at the moment when she does run away, it's like she's trying to play but of course seems to head straight for danger! I could try what you suggested whenever we are somewhere safe!
thanks x

@Mumto42005 sorry meant to say! Will definitely try the reward chart. It worked really well for potty training so will give it a go. It didn't even cross my mind to try it for good behavior!

I definitely wouldn't be letting her scoot anywhere near roads at the moment.

She can walk holding hands, any messing around and she'd be in a buggy. Go to playgrounds where either you can stand by the gate or where it's surrounded by a field. Get a bus to somewhere that works better if needs be.

Mine were like this at two but became a bit more sensible shortly after they turned three. So it's an age thing, but you just need to make sure there can't be consequences to bolting while they learn not to do it.

It’s not you! Some kids are just runners!

But I think it’s too young to be scooting anywhere near a road. Honestly, I think scooters are more trouble than they’re worth before about 3.5/4. If they aren’t powering off at a pace you can’t match without jogging, they’re falling off or they get bored and want you to carry it and them. I’d put it away for 6 months and save yourself the hassle.

It also doesn’t sound like the reins are working, well they are in that she can’t run away of course, but she isn’t learning how to walk safely so I would change tack. Take the buggy. She can walk but has to walk, not run, and hold your hand or the buggy frame. She gets one warning and then she goes into the buggy for the rest of the journey. If she looses the independence of walking she might start to pay attention. It’s what I did with my DS anyway who was a runner too and he did not want to go in the ‘baby buggy’ as he called it so it was pretty successful. You could also combine with a reward chart for nice walking.

We used a small rucksack with a strap when ds were little. Ds1 and 2 were a nightmare! When they were old enough we worked on scooting to the next lamp post and waiting.

have you tried shouting at her to give her a scare ? I know this sounds mean but this is what my mum did when I used to run away as a child and apparently it worked.

@JellyFlooding I think you're right about her age and the scooter. I have took it away at the moment as a consequence. Once she gets it back, it will be used only in the back garden!

I like both yours and @InTheRainOnATrain ideas about have her walk beside the buggy and without the reins. I will give this a go with her!