Absurdly early empty nest syndrome?

[Backinthedress]

OK, so I know it's not actually empty nest syndrome, my kids are 13 and 10 so they've obviously not moved out, but DP has noted a few things that are similar and suggested I ask on here for a bit of solidarity, so I hope you'll excuse the hyperbole.

I love the ages my kids are. Whenever I thought about being a parent it was usually to kids this sort of age or older - they're fun and funny, I love chatting to them, watching them become 'real' people, but I've had this dragging sense of loss and emptiness over the last year or so. Some of that is bereavement (last year was a tough one for losing people) but some of it is definitely related to my feelings around motherhood, not feeling needed in that very visceral, physical way. The stupid thing is that I don't miss it. I love having more independence and time, but I'm struggling with who I am if I'm not a mum. For the first ten years I had a small business I did on the side, but was mostly a SAHM. Then husband cheated/left, then COVID and I started a career which, lately, has stalled and I feel unfulfilled by, particularly because I've had to make choices of money and convenience (due to parenting and childcare) over satisfaction in work.

Basically I was just wondering if it was common to have this sense of 'who the fuck even am I?' when your kids are tweens/early teens? Is there anything I can do to help myself, other than therapy (which I'm on a waiting list for). Is there anyone who can relate so I don't feel like such a twat for having these feelings?

My kids are younger and I already feel sad just at the prospect of them growing up and with each passing stage. Although I adore the stage they are at now and don’t miss the prams / naps / feeds etc., I feel sad that each age is over. I feel sad after each Christmas and birthday that that event has now passed even though I fully embrace and enjoy the present with them. So yes, I understand completely.

I have a 2 year old and I feel like this haha

I think it's a loss of identity. When they are so little you almost get lost in just being a mum. They need you 24/7 so you don't search for a deeper meaning to life. I guess when you are needed less you aren't left with who you used to be?

This is true. It doesn't help that, because I'm divorced from their dad, I get half the number of Christmases, birthdays, special days and weekends. Half the amount of time and events that I thought, hoped and planned for. It does make me sad, and the older they get, the sadder I find it.