Concerns - 6 year old at school

[Corilee2806]

Hi, not sure if this is the best place to post but looking for advice. Until this year my daughter always seemed happy at nursery and school but things seem to have changed since going into year 1 and I’m starting to get quite worried. She is very bright and working at ‘greater depth’ on the academic side, ahead on reading etc but recently is showing signs of school refusal and not being happy. This evening I tried to find out why and she couldn’t really explain specifically what it is but said when we get to the classroom ‘her body wants to run away’ and she says she feels like this all day. Her teacher called me in to discuss some behavioural issues mid last term but this seemed to resolve itself but now she seems unhappy again. We don’t get major meltdowns at drop off (we do with 4 year old DS) but it’s almost daily unhappiness and trying to run away at the door, then I have to almost push her in which I feel awful about. I plan to speak to the teacher this week as I think we need to work with the school but wonder if something more is going on.

She always had lots of friends and was seen as a friendly happy girl but has recently isolated herself and says she only plays with one other very shy little girl who she brings a lot of concerning stories home about (and language - this is a whole other thing and I wish she hadn’t chosen her to latch onto really) - she says the other children are too noisy but I don’t see any evidence of her being excluded. She says she doesn’t like noise and has issues with hand dryers, toilet flushes etc and also can’t watch fillms, be in the dark etc so I think she is a sensitive child. Most notably she is a very fussy eater and this has got worse again recently to the point where she eats the same thing for dinner every night and I’m sure this is partly down to a need for routine and control. I wonder if her diet isn’t helping in all of this.

Sorry this is long but I don’t know what help to ask for or what to be thinking. I’ve spent years worrying about my DS who we do think is ND and now I’m wondering if she’s been flying under the radar? I just want her to be happy at school and at the moment I feel like we’re letting her down.

You're not letting her down at all. It sounds like you're wanting to understand why she's feeling anxious and if there's any underlying issues. Definitely speak to the school they should work with you and support you.
Year 1 is a big jump from reception. Reception is very play oriented with a lot more freedom of choice. Year 1 is sitting on the carpet and doing work at tables with likely very little choice. If your DD is ND as h mentioned you suspect, this would be likely difficult for her to adjust to.

Thank you - it’s just a big thing to adjust my mind to but having written it all down I wonder if there is more going on. At age 3/4 she was so happy go lucky, not a care in the world (eating always been bad though) but in the last year all these anxieties have gradually come on. I feel really sad about it. I have a very stressful job at the moment and think I’ve been a bit distracted which isn’t helping with the guilt. I will talk to her teacher tomorrow for sure.

My oldest dd was like this around this age, she would cling to me like she’d never done before. I was worried about anxiety but she just suddenly snapped out of it, but it was for a good 2 terms. She’s probably my more clingy child but still very independent when she wants.

The noise and food thing dose sound like possible sensory issues, this is my middle dd, he’s started to really show around age 8. The SENCO has said she’s got autistic traits but nothing that they are concerned about, feel she needs help with, but also said girls do tend to present later than boys. My dd chews a lot, chews through her clothes, would wear shoes on the wrong feet as they were more comfortable and clothes inside out for the same reasons. We also have ear defenders for when she can’t cope with noise.

When my youngest first went into year 1 she really struggled with the jump and the noise in the class. We bought her ear defenders but the teachers were reluctant to encourage using them as they felt she just needed to adjust. No anxiety or ND concerns, the teachers were absolutely right in her case.

i think the biggest part for all my DDs is that when ever they have had concerns and worries they see me bring them up with the school, so they see I’m there to talk in their behalf if they don’t feel right.

All 3 of them have told me they are lonely, no friends to play with at school around this age, I think it’s very common when children start building friendships at school, especially as they grow. A conversation with the school would usually sort this out.

Thanks so much for the advice, I’ve spoken to her teacher today and going to have a meeting on Friday. She hasn’t noted any concerns this term whereas she did last term, so at least she appears happy in the day but she could be putting on a front. She was going to try and get some answers from her too, but I think she will put up a wall! She agreed the drop off situation isn’t ideal. It was so hard with both of my children this morning, I leave school and start the day feeling like the worst mum.