My kids are beginning to play in the street/ at friends - how to handle?

[quandry]

The DCs are 8 & 6. We live in quiet cul-de-sac and there are about 4 other families with kids about the same age. We can mostly see each other's houses.

Over the last few weeks the kids have started to play out front with each other on bikes and scooters. We're quite happy about this, as it's the sort of thing I did as a child, and I want to feel that my kids can too.

But this weekend seems to have thrown up all sorts of questions relating to this new 'stage' !

• Should we let the kids play out front if we're not actually in the front garden?
• What rules about if they disappear into someone else's garden. (I had always told them they must come and tell me where they are going, but this weekend has been crazy - a 'gang' of 6-8 children all cruising into each other's gardens every 10 minutes ! )
• What's the ettiquette of 'imposing' at someone else's house at this age? Do I have to go and check that the Mum is OK with it, or do I assume she will send them away if she's not?

Just to be clear - all the mums are very friendly, we see each other socially etc.

However there is one family which has a trampoline, and their garden seems to draw all the kids..

I feel a bit of a meanie, but this w/e I was actually feeling panicky thinking, "I DON'T want to be responsible for 8 kids in my garden" And I kept telling my kids that they could only play outside - not bring all their friends in...

How on earth do you begin to handle all this stuff??

I just had rules about where they could go,e.g. if they are in the cul-de-sac it is OK. I would assume that it is OK to be in someones garden, in that they would be sent out if not wanted.I just got used to my garden being a football ground, tennis court etc.

My dd plays out with a "gang" of about four other children. They can play out but must let me know if they are going in a house. They have boundaries of where they can go. They tend to split their time quite fairly between houses and we even do sleepovers.

My dd [6] plays out if we are not in the garden, tbh we can hear them!

Hmm - I'm probably just being over-cautious.

I just worry that they'll disappear, but everyone will think they're at someone else's house!

I hate it when they turn up asking to come in though:

• Can we come in and watch a DVD (er - no, I'm busy tidying up)
• Can I bring XY & Z in to play in my bedroom (er- no, we're going to have lunch soon)
• Can we come in and play on the Wii (WHAT? ALL 8 of you? Do you think I'm completely mad?? "No, sorry" )

8 is quite a lot I had five on Saturday in our house and I ended up rounding them up and taking them for a long walk.

I obviously don;t leave dd all day we check regularly especially if it all goes quiet.

It does get annoying having a houseful but if it is shared equally you get times of quiet bliss as well.

Sounds fabulous that they can all move about in a kid gang.

I would let them out even if I wasn't in the front, but with VERY clear boundaries ie) STICK WITH SIBLING, Come in and tell/ask a parent where you are going, and maybe make sure that they know that going into someones garden does not give permission to go into their house.
I would also check often, and they would be coming in immediately if they were someplace they were not supposed to be.

It sounds wonderful that you are in this position - I would let them enjoy it.

I would not allow another child into my house unless they went home first to ask their parents. I expect my children to do the same thing, although I have only just started letting dd go out without me, and only if her brother is with her.

If they are coming in for an extended period of time they check with parents first although they are quite good at this anyway.

I agree it's a nice situation for them to have - havign friends to play with.

I just want to make sure that the parents don't fall out over it if one family seems to have a more alluring garden!

Today I just didn't want to have to down tools and entertain the neighborhood's kids though - I was upstairs trying to sort out the DCs outgrown clothes, and I was getting called downstairs every 10 mins for soemthing .

I need to have words with DH too - he was working in the front garden and left an open blade stanley knife on the front step....DS (5) gave it too me because it was "dangerous to leave lyign arouhnd Mummy"

I think you have to rely on every doing the right thing tbh.

We kind of know when it is our turn and wll suggest to the kids that they come to ours or I will lay something on for them.

somerset, I have struggled with letting kids in. We have a few children in our neighborhood who have huge amounts of freedom (they are 7/8) and have had since they started school. They often come in our house for hours, and no - one seems to mind. I have given their parents our phone number, but they seemed to think it was faintly ridiculous.
There have been times when someone has come to our house after dark, looking for them - they obviously had no clue where their dds were (they weren't at ours then)

I decided to let them in - not everytime they knock - but often. At least I know they are safe when they are at my house. Their parents don't seem that bothered.

Just laughing at how happy we all are that our kids are in gangs. Mine are too and I'm thrilled to bits. (I work in an area where there are a lot of street gangs, but of course it's different when it comes to my kids!!!!!) Oh the irony.

quandry,

I am in the exact same position as you. I still haven't figured out the dos and don'ts, and am thinking I need to get together with the other mums and talk it through.

One thing I have done is buy DS (6) a digital watch with an alarm, and that way i can set it for when he has to come home. This way, I don't need to keep him in my sights. It seems to be working, and i even set it for bedtime the other day and he toddled off without a single word of protest! (I'm sure the novelty of that will wear off soon though)