What happens after a safeguarding referral?

[Saffrongreen]

On Friday night I was playing with my 11 month old son in the bath, there was no water in it- he likes going in it when it's dry and picking up his bath toys and throwing them over the side and I pick them up and put then back in. He was holding on to one of the taps to stand up while I bent down to grab two of the toys he had thrown out. I literally wasn't looking at him for 5 seconds and he was just suddenly crying and very upset. I took him out of the bath for a cuddle and noticed his mouth was bleeding and one of his front teeth was visibly protruding forward, with a little blood around it.

My partner and took him to see an A&E dentist and they said that the tooth was solid, not wobbly, so it can stay in and will only be an aesthetic issue for a few years. They also said that it happens all the time with baby teeth and that it will not damage the tooth underneath and to see a dentist in the coming weeks to keep an eye key on it.

For safety we called 111 to also see a dentist the next day, the women on the phone did an assessment, I told her that I thought that he had chewed hard/awkwardly on the tap handle, but iI didn't see exactly what happened. She made an appointment for us to see a dentist Sat morning. She then rang back and said she would need to make a safeguarding referral because the incident was in the bath. (even though there was no water in the bath) The dentist we went to see said not to worry about it, my son is fine, and again said stuff like this happens all the time to kids, that it was me that would be affected more by it than my son, (I haven't been able to sleep or eat much since).

I'm now really worried about what the safeguarding referral means and what will happen? I haven't slept for weeks as it is and and now I feel like an idiot because I didn't see that taps as a risk factor which has hurt my child. Any advice appreciated.

Trigger warning

I think cos of all the babies abused half to death and thrown in a cold bath to try to revive them, or blame the death on drowning rather than be caught, its just an automatic thing now. Cos it happens so much in serious abuse cases. As well as leaving kids in cold baths as "punishment" and so on.

Thats what I understand it to be these days, how it's been explained to me. That its just automatically done to cover all bases just incase.

Theyll look at the overall context, with a well and happy baby, and as long as the explanation matches the injury, etc, then you've no need to worry.

I have a social worker and thats how she explained all this to me cos i only have them involved for mental health support not abuse, but it was making my mental health worse worrying at every innocent bruise etc. And that's what she told me.

Thank you, this was helpful. I feel so stressed, guilty and I'm exhausted so I don't know what to do or think.

I get it. Try not to worry. No need to feel guilty, your kids gonna hurt himself loads so dont let these well meaning but intrusive professionals make you feel it's anything but normal for kids - like the a and e doc told you happens all the time.

And you dont need to do or think anything. If anyone contacts you, tell them what happened, let them ask what they need to, and they'll go off and leave you be. Unless you are abusing your kid of course (not suggesting you are!)

Nothing to worry about, but I know that's easier said than done. The most you'll get is a pamphlet or some advice on safe bath use and keeping an eye on them.

They see referrals every day, and every one they hope is a parent like you that did nothing wrong. They want you to be a good parent just as much as you do!

If it makes you feel better re the mum guilt (its fucking awful isn't it) ill list my greatest hits (not literal hits!) and there are loads of bumps he does to himself as kids do while they're learning to walk and navigate this big old new world:

Trapped his fingers in the washing machine door, didnt see them there

Same in a door didnt see him behind me

Was spinning him (like an irresponsible dickhead 😂) on my rotating egg chair cos hes a daredevil and i cant resist his laugh and spun him off the thing

Tripped him up/ bumped into him more times than i can count

When he was about 10m he fell off the bed. That was awful, straight to hospital even though he cried less than a minute and no visible injury but he was fine and I learned a lesson that day! They told me they will have to inform our social worker which was no problem with me at all as i knew it was innocent (and I was at the time in a mother and baby unit to assess my parenting ability thanks to my mental health, and they had cc tv in all rooms thank christ and they looked at it and said I had turned around for literally 3 seconds)

Yesterday i nearly flung him headfirst out of the baby swing trying to swing high cos like I said he's a daredevil.

Loads of near misses.

Well were home now, no concerns re my parenting im praised a lot actually by all professionals concerned and they are now dropping involvement down because it all ends in may - only professionals involved will be my mental health nurse.

Anyway my point is, you can imagine my panic and guilt and fear in all these incidents, given social services and others are already involved! But im open and honest and I work with them, and over time i have calmed and learned to trust them and trust their judgement that they know there are zero signs of any kind of abuse, neglect or harm- intentionally or due to mental health. I know that they aren't here to jump on every mistake I make.

It's the same in your situation except for yours itll be literally a box ticking exercise due to them missing prior cases like baby p and such. They're so scared of missing any abuse they've got to be sure and rightly so.

So ill just say again once more because it helped me more than i can explain and ill also add this that i was also told that again helped more than words can say -

In abuse cases they told me, they look for certain injuries in certain places, that they know where kids hurt themselves genuinely and where it's not normal, and they look for deceitful parental behaviour. One story one of them told me, one set of parents, every visit the kids face was covered in chocolate. Made them suspicious at some point so they kindly offered to wipe the babies face for the parents and uncovered facial bruising that didn't match normal child injury.

As long as the injury matches the explanation, you're fine.

It took a lottt of reassurance and time for me to lessen my anxiety so i really understand how you feel, more than you know.

Sorry for rant, hope it helps