Teaching Table Manners

[InsiderBetty]

I have a 6 yo DS and I am really struggling to get him to sit at the table to eat at meal times. By this I mean, he'll have a bite, then run off and play/get distracted/fiddle with something on the work top/chase after the cat/try to feed the cat and my biggest pet peeve, sit on the table (big no for me). I can't get him to sit let alone work on table manners like chewing food, using cutlery etc.

He was fine up until about the age of 3. I can get him off the table, tell him he can't do it etc but he still does it every meal time. I can't get him to sit still.

DD is 3 and will sit an eat without any issues.

I have suspected whether he has some form of neurodiversity as he also has some sensory issues (for example he still loves to chew on things and is constantly putting stuff in his mouth) and he also refused to get changed/brush teeth so I end up doing it for him to get him out of the house. I have spoken to the school but they say he's fine there and don't have any concerns. I can't only assume it's my parenting but I am not permissive in the slightest - I am frequently correcting him and setting consequences for his behaviour (eg no ice lolly/biscuit if he sits on the table etc) but I just feel like a nag and he keeps saying I am being mean (I am trying to be loving/playful but firm)

has anyone got any tips please?

If you think he has adhd then you should read up on that as there are lots of specific books and articles that have advice.

Friends in similar positions have 1) recognised that the child is not capable of sitting down and using cutlery so have drastically reduced expectations 2) drawn a square on the floor and allowed them to stand up and move around but they have to stay in the square. 3) been pragmatic about table manners vs calories in. What do you need to prioritise, getting food into your child or getting them to use cutlery? It’s not a loaded question, but it is a choice.

Can he sit down for other things? Drawing, reading etc.

In other words is it the sitting or is it the food?

If he's not very interested in food he may just not want the meal.

This is a good point.

My same aged DC is similar OP although not quite as extreme and doesn't sit on the table thankfully!

However I don't find that a sign of anything other than being a 6yo for my own DC personally. This is because similarly to yours, 1) they didn't have this issue when they were younger (say age 2-4), 2) as per above PP they have no problem sitting for longer periods crafting or doing something else they want to do and 3) they don't behave like this at school and usually not at other people's houses (well, barring her DGPs due to over familiarity!)/usually not when eating out.

We encourage table manners constantly but it's a balance in pragmatism for us too though as they are also not a good eater. They are on a significantly lower weight centile than height and recently had a period straddling the underweight centiles. So I do need to try and focus on getting the food in her.