How do you protect your children...

[Charliechoco]

Me and my partner are looking to have a child next year, although exciting, I worry about protecting my children from the dark side of social media.

I worry about things like cyber bullying, dangerous algorithms and the addictiveness proven to affect a child's mental development.

I'm very much opposed to platforms like TikTok and Instagram. I think they do more harm than good.

Does this worry you too?
What protocols do you have in place?

Or do you accept that it is here to stay and there is not much we can do as parents to regulate usage.

I wouldn't even bother worrying until their close to an age they'll be using the Internet. Things will have changed massively in 10 years or so

Yep. It’s probably going to be more like 15 years if your only thinking about having a child in the future. Go and enjoy your child free Saturday night.

Oh bless you, OP. The prospect of parenthood can bring up all sorts of questions. Whatever advice you’ll get here today will likely not be very useful in 10/15 years time, it’ll be very different issues which will need very different solutions.

Agree with the poster above. Enjoy your Saturday night luv!

Honestly, even if you had a baby tomorrow, you'd have probably 10 years ahead of you before you needed to worry about social media and cyber bullying etc. Technology moves incredibly quick, and what is relevant now, may not be by the time your child reaches the age, they may want to use it. My son is 14, he has zero social media accounts - no TIk Tok, Facebook, Instagram or X. He's not in the least bit interested. I think that girls tend to be more into social media.

I wouldn't worry yet. It's more of a worry for us with older children now. I'm hoping the idea that it's bad for under 14s and still a worry adter that age will become more common and people will delay giving Smartphones for longer in a few years.

I've an 8 year old and a 6 year old and only just starting to think about this now and only because some of the older children at school have inappropriate access.

There's all the baby name drama, breastfeeding v formula feeding, co-sleeping v crying it out and gentle parenting v traditional parenting threads to wade through first before you start trying to parent a 10 year old who hasn't even been conceived yet.

I'm so worried about this and too my little boy isn't even 1 yet. I just really hope the government do something about by the time I have to worry. Banning smart phones in school would be a start and having to be 16+ for a social media account with ID verification would be great.

Just don't get them a smart phone

I have two teens. For my eldest, when they went on social media, I joined and followed them and who they followed for the first year or so to check I was OK with it. I've stopped doing that now but they are 16 now and actually barely post online, don't follow any 'influencers' and mainly like funny memes about ducks and some stuff about progressive politics and activism. It's not a given that every child will follow harmful, awful stuff or post their lives online. DS is 13 and has a smartphone and has no interest at all in social media.

I also have google family link on the kids' devices (not on 16yo's any more) so I can see what they download. I have only said 'no' to an app once - it was one of those 'ask anonymous questions' ones and when I explained to oldest (about 13 about the time) that those never lead to any good, they agreed.

I also told both kids not to me on mass whatsapp group, like school yeargroup ones, as those just always seem to lead to bullying and nastiness and they won't get anything good from it and they agreed to that.

So basically, be aware of what the biggest risks and mitigare, don't start them before 12 at earliest. I was planning on 14, which was manageable as the kids' secondary has a 'no smartphones on site at all' rule, which I think is great. But then COVID happened when oldest was in Y7 and I figured that a smartphone would be worth it to keep up formative friendships.

Number 1 - keep them off stupid stuff like tiktok. Its not hard to block it on your router etc and ensure they have zero unsupervised access to Internet etc until secondary age. Hold off smart phones as long as you can, certainly not before secondary, then when they do get smartphones, control with family link etc. Supervision is key.

Number 2 - talk/educate in an age appropriate way. Sadly you need to warn kids from about age 8/9 up that not everything on the internet is safe, that not all people are nice & kind, and there are dangerous, troubled people putting things out there that are scary, or disgusting, and upsetting.

Number 3 - model sensible phone use. Most kids who become aware of youtube, instagram, tiktok, its because mum or dad are on their phone a lot. Don't sit there doomscrolling while they play, don't show them stupid YouTube stuff like unboxing, don't openly idolise influencers or tiktok brands.

Also OP don't worry yet. Actually i think the peak era of young people peopld being damaged by excessive unsupervised exposure to phones/social media are those currently aged between 16 &25, where its been widespread their whole lives but people only became aware how damaging it is too late. The tide has already turned.

Yes, this is a good point, I think things may be changing. More groups of parents, for example, are clubbing together at primary schools to pledge that none of their kids get smartphones.

I'm not as doomy about social media as some people are - it isn't an inevitable path to bullying and low self esteem etc - but I still think it's wise to delay and minimise.