Will the fog ever lift?

[numenor]

I have two children 3.5 months and 3.5 years. Currently on maternity leave.

I feel like everyday is just survival mode. I don't feel like we live at all really. My favourite time of day is the 45 minutes before I go to bed when both children are in bed - which I feel awful saying.

All we seem to do is walk, feed, try and get one of them to sleep oh and watch Bluey.

Is this just how life is with small children? Will it ever get any better?

Your youngest is still very little. Does
your eldest go to nursery at all? I have a 4 year age gap and felt when youngest was 1 it got gradually better.

She's in pre school three days. I just feel so lost I think 😢

That sounds normal given the age of your youngest. My two are 4.5 and 2.5. Youngest just started nursery and it's heaps better then a year ago (even 3 months ago lol.) I'm back now to work after a stint of SAHM (wasn't for me) and I love the buzz of problem solving again.

Mine are 7 months and 4.5 years and I feel similar! However, I know if I only had my eldest things would feel pretty easy so I tell myself I just need to wait for DC2 to get older and a bit more independent!

Do you have any structure to your week? When mine were little and I was on Mat leave, Mondays and Thursdays were washing days, Friday was food shop and meal prep, Tuesday was baby sensory and coffee with friends, Thursday was usually swimming with baby and then a walk with all the kids in the afternoon. That helps the weekends to be kept free for quality time as a family.
It won't work for everyone; but I needed structure for my mental health

It is very full on transitioning to two little ones.

But it is also worth ruling out things like iron deficient anaemia or other vitamin deficiencies, especially if you're breastfeeding. Some vitamin deficiencies can make you feel low and like everything is a drain. Can you phone up the GP first thing Monday (or Tue to miss the post-weekend rush) and see if you can get an appointment for blood tests?

Google Edinburgh PND Scale too and see what score you get on that.

How much social contact are you getting - do you do any groups with the new baby yet? Do you know other mums with younger babies? I find it makes such a difference to my mental health just to be able to have a conversation with another adult.

I remember that around 3 months the whole tiredness with interrupted sleep etc just really hit. All l dreamt about was sleep. This will get easier. Make sure you get a lie on at the weekend. Use the time your toddler is at preschool to meet a friend so there is a social element to your day.
Can you visit your own parents for a few days rest. That was always my favourite thing to do as l had adult conversation/ food/ and help with the dc.
Also Winter is tricky but as Spring comes it will get easier.

I put them in nursery from four months and went back to work pt. I wasn't prepared to count the hours down every day. It saved me.
22 years on, all good and never a single regret.

Yes it will but these are full on days. Do you have a supportive partner who can take them both out for a bit at weekends and give you some quiet time.

My favourite time of day is the 45 minutes before I go to bed when both children are in bed - which I feel awful saying.

It’s fine to say this. I used to lie down in the dark on my bed once my two were in bed to get some quiet. It was lovely.

I found once DC2 could sit they entertained one another more giving me a bit more headspace too.

You're right in the trenches right now. 3 months into my 2nd baby i was miserable and demented (but obviously full of love). It gets better.. slowly x

you are fully in the trenches now. Those days were so bloody hard. Mine are 3 and 6 and life is still hard but much easier than it was 3 years ago. Hang in there!!!

I remember feeling exactly the same and for a while, crying a lot in the evenings after bedtime. The full on days coupled with sleep deprivation, night feeds for the baby and up at the crack of dawn for the toddler... It felt completely thankless at the time.

I resurrected an old hobby to do in front of the TV, started a new series with DH and tried to make that 45 minutes at the end of the day as lovely as possible.

Now when I think back to those days I see that we were all doing the best we could and I'm so proud of myself. I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job. Hang in.

Thank you everyone, hopefully in time things will improve.

I do try and have a structure to my week but it still feels so hard!

Don't worry about a structure right now, unless you really really enjoy routine and structure. I would find that too stressful. I'd just go with the flow, it's only for a short period of time! If that means eating Victoria sponge at 3am, then so be it 😂

In my experience, it gets better when the youngest turns around 3.

Mine are 7 & 4, and I still have days where my fave part is when they're in bed :/. It sounds awful but it's just a never ending cycle of making food, doing the washing, putting the washing away, tidying up, dishwasher on blah blah.

I love my kids, but it's not actually all that fun.

Same boat OP! No advice but solidarity. I have a just turned 4yo and 4.5mo. It brings up some pretty uncomfortable feelings about myself (failure, frustration, feeling out of control) and others (especially the older child) so is a huge emotional challenge as well as a practical one!

I appreciate this so much @WhatATediousPeacock - your last paragraph is like a gentle knowing hug from future me. Thank you.