dd (5mths) can't be comforted by dh - just screams and then we all get upset...what can i do?

[Caz10]

dh works shifts so is home and spending time with dd much more than i would imagine a mon-fri 9-5 daddy would. dd very happy in his company, he gets very involved, changes nappies, plays with her etc.

however sometimes like tonight, what would be a small whinge/grumble with me turns into hysterical screaming with him. it's awful, she just cannot be comforted, i get stressed hearing her scream, dh refuses to "give in" and let me comfort her etc etc.

i have to leave the room as he goes nuts if i offer to help. he says he has to be able to comfort her if i'm not here which is true enough.

i know what someone will suggest, and I am honestly NOT guilty of being one of these mums who stands over hubby and criticises every aspect of his childcare, I'm honestly not, I'm normally just glad of the break and go away and let him get on with things.

but tonight i had to listen to dd scream herself almost sick for 20 mins, i couldn't go in and get her cos he'd go mad. but i just don't feel it's fair on dd to be so upset for so long just so he can try to comfort her.

i am due back to work soon and he will be doing the bulk of the childcare - I feel physically sick at the thought that she could be so upset like that while i am away.

does anyone have any suggestions? thanks!

I think that children just go through little phases where they prefer one parent to another - normal, if frustrating at times. If your dh was on his own, then yes, he'd have to be able to comfort her, but I'm guessing that she'd do it less when you're not around anyway. So if you're both around and she wants one of you more than the other, then let her. She's tiny and doesn't understand why she wants what she wants, she has no agenda, she just wants something/someone for her own little reasons. Letting her be comforted by you won't affect your dh caring for you, in fact I suspect it will make her calmer and more settled, understanding that her needs will be met, even if you don't understand their origins.

Why not go out for a walk or something before dh has to start getting your dd ready for bed then if she has been able to tell that you're nearby, you're now out of the house, not there for dd to cry for and you don't get upset listening to her crying: gets you a nice bit of me time, too!

Habbibu is right - she is only tiny. It is no reflection on her relationship with your dh - she just wants her Mum. She was with you for 9months so it is you she kows best.

For a while I was the only one who could settle my dd - now she's older she can be settled by both of us, though she does still want me if she's sick.

Thank you all so much, I feel much calmer tonight, last night was awful! going out the house is a good idea, she was looking at me the whole time she was screaming last night, awful.
I just feel sorry for dh when she is like that, he gets so upset, bless.

Thank you again

Just want to add my son would never go to his dad at all, wanted me all the time, was so clingly! He is now 10 mo and wants DP all the time, and if I try and hold him he puts his arms out to his dad and yells for him!

I think they just prefer different parents at different times.

It has nothing to do with your DH. Sometimes DH is the flavour of the month with DD (18 months), sometimes I am. It's completely normal. It's also normal for a baby of your DD's age to go through a bit of a "clingy" stage. And when your DH is the main carer, she might well be clingy with him, not you!