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Leaving a 9 year old home alone

51 replies

MrsSnape · 05/05/2008 18:40

How long would you be willing to leave a sensible, quiet and reliable 9 year old in the house alone?

10 minutes?
Half an hour?
An hour?
Not at all?

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Sidge · 05/05/2008 21:51

I have recently started occasionally leaving DD1 aged 9 alone in the house whilst I get her sister from nursery, which takes about 15-20 minutes.

She's very sensible, knows not to answer the door, phone, use the kettle etc. She usually enjoys watching TV for 20 minutes!

It has taken me a lot of soul searching to decide whether it's ok to do so though - but I know that she needs some independence sooner or later.

anynamewilldo · 05/05/2008 22:00

I have left my dd1 aged 9 (10 next month) when she was unwell, so that i could take the other's to breakfast club, i was away for 10mintues max. she was fine, curled up on the sofa watching disney channel, she knew not to answer the phone/door or use anything in the kitchen. I phoned my mum who only lives down the road, so that if dd got scared for what ever reason she could phone my mum to have a chat until i got home.

Judy1234 · 05/05/2008 22:02

There is no law. There are no rules but you have to ensure they are safe. I think it's a good thing there is no arbirary age and left to parents' discretion.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Bridie3 · 06/05/2008 09:07

Unfortunately Social Services mainly see families where things aren't working (correct me if I'm wrong). Their knowledge of how sensible, functional parenting operates and how responsible parents teach their children to become more independent must, by default, be rather smaller.

Judy1234 · 06/05/2008 09:32

I wouldn't touch them with a barge poll. The NSPCC probably have some guidelines but it's up tot he parents and the culture. In Germany 5 and 6 year olds walk to school alone. When my 9 year olds were caught walking home alone (3 minute walk on private road) I had to give the school a disclaimer.

Anna8888 · 06/05/2008 09:37

An hour or two.

But we live in a flat, so no chance of anyone knocking at the door, and the concierge is always around in case of emergencies.

Uriel · 06/05/2008 09:39

Not at all.

jingleyjen · 06/05/2008 09:41

I would leave them for an hour, depending on the personality of the child and depending where I was going.

without a thought I would go to a neighbours house for 10 minutes. I would put more thought into going in the car to the supermarket.

Judy1234 · 06/05/2008 09:45

I had to out in the car to find them yesterday as they'd gone off on bikes into woods although I found one within 3 minutes and he said he'd told their big brother. It was after about 20 mins and when their big brother got back from the shops without them (we'd assumed they'd gone with him) that I was mildly anxious. 9 is a difficult age for this because they're still quite little but they're wanting to be on their own a bit.

jingleyjen · 06/05/2008 09:47

Xenia that sounds idillic (sp?)
the sort of childhood I had and really want my boys to have. out on a sunny day on my bike with my friends

QuintessentialShadows · 06/05/2008 09:52

Word of caution, in case you have malicious neighbours. I recently had to speak to the ss about my neighbour as she kept leaving her children alone when she went out drinking (Then coming home drunk and starting to argue and kick her kids out). She would be gone from around 7 pm till the early hours, so of course her case cant be compared to yours. The social services said they would step if children under the age of 11 was left home alone. (hers was under that age)

My point is, anybody contemplating leaving their young children unattended in the house, should consider if they will get reported to the social services for doing so. Also, even if your child is safe in the house for 10 minutes, you never know what might happen to YOU while you are gone. Accident? Run over by a car on the pedestrian crossing? Caught up in traffic? Will your child get scared if you are late home? Will they call the police and say they are scared for mummy who has not come home, etc?

I would never.

cory · 06/05/2008 10:24

Quint, this is exactly why you leave your children with instructions. At 9, surely they know how to tell the time? My children know that if I am not home within a certain time, they are to ring Daddy at work (single Mums could substitute a friend).

The don't-leave-kids-at-home side always quote the what-if-you-get-run-over-while-you're-out? But surely, that is the one situation where I would be devoutly thankful that I'd left the kids at home: otherwise, they'd be run over to! Where's the advantage in that?

cory · 06/05/2008 10:51

The more I think about this one, the more the logic of it defeats me:

I wake up in the intensive care unit with two broken legs, a crushed rib cage and whiplash injuries.

So my first conscious thought, through the haze of concussion, is "Oh, I do wish the children had been in the car with me." ??? I think not!

mrsruffallo · 06/05/2008 11:02

Of course it depends on the child. My children are still very young but I don't think I would have a problem with a sensible 9 yr old being left alone for an hour

mrsruffallo · 06/05/2008 11:03

I agree cory.
I think our children need more independence in general

QuintessentialShadows · 06/05/2008 12:20

Cory, you dont get the point. If the children were with you, would you still be hurrying home? You might be somewhere totally different and would not have an accident at all.

Bridie3 · 06/05/2008 13:20

On the other hand if the children WERE with her they might have distracted her by shouting/fighting and caused an accident that wouldn't otherwise have happened...

Bridie3 · 06/05/2008 13:23

Didn't mean to put in smiley there--sorry!

QuintessentialShadows · 06/05/2008 14:51

Yes Bridie, that is why we should always leave the children at home and never take them anywhere with us.

This thread is getting more ridiculous and nonsenical by the minute.

PARP

Bridie3 · 06/05/2008 17:24

Just continuing your line of logic.

Judy1234 · 06/05/2008 17:35

It's a matter of degree and your own views of risk. I think mine are hardly ever at home alkone as I work from home, their student brother is hardly ever out and the other student sister is often around but that one last time the police arrived(!) by chance. If someone were leaving children alone at night to go drinking that is different, Very occasionally I have left them asleep to drive to the station to collect one of their siblings late on, left them for about 15 mins and am happy about that at this age.

When they go out on bikes I like to know they have left (unlike at the weekend which is why I was slightly concerned) and secondly I like to think I can see them every 20 mins or so.

When I was about 8 my younger sister and I were allowed to push our 2 year old brother in his pushchair to the end of the road.A neighbour called my mother to ask if she knew we were out there with him. My mother was cross and appalled as she'd let us take him out but clearly even then in the 1960s some parents had different views from others about idependence and safety.

trefusis · 06/05/2008 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 06/05/2008 17:37

What I was trying to do, Quint, was not to argue for leaving children at home as to keep them safe.

I just wanted to point out the logical flaw in your argument:

if the danger arises from an accident happening to Mother outside the house, then the children's safety is not enhanced by them being with Mother.

if, on the other hand, there is no accident to Mother, then this whole part of the argument falls to the ground

unless, indeed, you can prove that accidents are less likely to happen to women accompanied by children (everything else being equal)- which I think you would have difficulties with statistically

The only possible circumstance where your initial argument might apply is indeed the one you quote where worry about children left at home might turn somebody into a dangerous driver. But then that's less likely to happen to somebody who is relaxed about leaving their children in the first place. And most people believe in observing speed limits, not stepping out in front of red lights etc wherever their children may be.

There may well be other dangers in leaving children at home, but this one is a non sequitur.

Logic. They used to teach it in schools when I was a nipper.

This is not being silly. It is an argument commonly used to make mothers feel guilty, so it's worth establishing whether it actually holds water as an argument or not. I can't see that it does.

Judy1234 · 06/05/2008 17:47

And I balance the benefits children gain from being independent against risks they run, all the time and I think mine are more independent than others and that that has stood them in good stead, particularly the older 3 who are now students. They are like that because they've done things on their own. It's almost a gift you give them and the over protectionism of some parents is a detriment....although I hope one stays safe on her forthcoming gap year....(always a worry)

smartiejake · 06/05/2008 17:56

I will leave my nearly 10 year old for about 15 mins while I take her older sis to dancing as she is usually eating her tea, (she goes somewhere different a short while after this and the timings just don't work if I take her with me). I always tell her not to answer the door or the phone and leave her with my mobile number.