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Parenting

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Original poster

I'm sure I ahyve psoted about this before. I have however lost it with DS1 and yelled at him and made him clean up the mess

32 replies

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:28

I am getting so fed up of the mess he makes at mealtimes (he is 10). It's not such a problem (I don't think) at school, but at home..well it's driving me nuts. He manages every single mealtime to drop food, either on himself or the floor. he also gets intot eh most ridiculous mess round his motuh. imagine a toddler jsut learning to eat with their fingers being given a choclate biscuit. Well that's what he looks like. We had pasta tonight. He has it onh is t-shirt, shorts, socks, the floor all over the talbe and on his chair. His face is covered, it's all up his cheeks, down his chin.
Both DSes were given a choclate ice lolly before, I ahd to bring DS1 in and wash his face and hands afterwards. I have to carry wet wipes still when we go out, and often a change of top for him becasue of the mess he gets into.
We did wonder if ti was his teeth (causing th mess round his mouth not the floor)becasue he seems to put food into the side of his mouth and always on the same side, and as he is doing it it seems to slide over his cheeks. Then he licks his chin, but his tongue is all covered in whatever he is eating so makes even more mess.
I don't know what makes him drop food and get into suich a mess all over the floor and his clothing though. There are tomato sauce stains and blackcurrant stains on this carpet which won't come out. I try not to make a big fuss about it, as I don't want to make it an issue, but I really feel like putting a long sleeved apron on hima nd a mat on the floor. Thing is though DS2 would make a thing about it and tell all his friends that DS1 wears a bib! I can honestly say he didn't make this much mess when he was a toddler.
I am reading this back and thinking "good that sounds really petty and childish" but if I can't get it off my chest ehre, then i would end up amking a big deal about it with DS1. I jsut feel that he is 10, I shouldn't be carrying wet wipes and a change of clothes around with me!

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vbacqueen1 · 05/05/2008 18:31

Is he generally clumsy as well? Forgive me for jumping in with a diagnosis of dyspraxia after just reading a few sentences about a messy eater, but my dyspraxic nephew is exactly the same.
Just a thought......

kittywise · 05/05/2008 18:32

No he should be making an effort.
It's not just about home though.
Soon he will be at secondary school and will be picked on mercilessly if he doesn't sort this out now,

Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:34

Oh yes he is clumsy.

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Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:34

Sorry for typos, eyes playing up tonight

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Twiglett · 05/05/2008 18:36

is he dyspraxic saltire?

there's nothing wrong with making him clean up after himself ..

noddyholder · 05/05/2008 18:37

My ds is 14 and dyspraxic and this sounds just like him.Patience!!!!!!!!!!

QueenMeabhOfConnaught · 05/05/2008 18:39

My ds1 has just turned 11 and is a fairly messy eater - on occasion it ends up in his hair - but always on the floor and on his clothes. His problem is that he is a dreamer and just isn't paying attention so he will frequently have the cutlery in some ludicrous place, thereby causing havoc.

Sorry I'm no help but you are not alone!

stitch · 05/05/2008 18:39

my dc are th esame. the eldest makes teh most mess

Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:40

We have never had a diagnosis of Dyspraxia. The school ahve never said anything. I, and DH have always assumed that the mess with food and other general clumsiness was caused by him not paying attention. He is always walking into things or people or tripping up wwhen out, mainly becasue he will be watching something and keep watching it whilst walking, looking over his shoulder at it. DH gets really exasperated with him, and I must admit I am starting to now, as I just lost it tonight. Yet when it's something liek footie he has no problems, he sin't always falling over and he has been chosen as goalie for a local temas boys footie club, becasue they say he "keeps a clean sheet"

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noddyholder · 05/05/2008 18:43

Any other traits?What is his writing like can he tie laces ride a bike???

Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:46

He can ride a bike, and a scooter, tie his shoes. He won't/can't climb trees,and thing like monkey bars, or those climbing frames that are made of rope where you go up one side and odwn the other reduce him to tears.
His writing is terrible, but I think it's the same problem DS2 has, in that the school are making an issue about them not writing joined up, becasue all their class mates were getting taught how to do it in year 2, whereas my 2 had schooling in Scotland where they aren't taught it until secondary. So DS1 feels he has to write like that, yet hasn't been shown how by anyone, and it's really illegible, but not as much as DS2's

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Twiglett · 05/05/2008 18:51

if you have discounted dyspraxia then personally I think you need to work on his eating skills ... eating is a social thing and he needs to be able to do it properly

did you focus on table manners when he was a small child? would table manners be new to him

Twiglett · 05/05/2008 18:52

why is he favouring one side of mouth?

Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:55

He has table manners, by that i mean he sits at the table, uses his knife and fork, asks to get down. if we go out to restaurants, pubs etc they both sit and don't run around. he never plays with his food, he eats it all.
I worry about, as kittywise said, how his friends and others at school will react. I dread going to someone's house becasue of the mess he makes, and I feel that when we are out I am making an issue out of it and drawing attention to it, which I try not too at home.
He is a huge eater as well, he eats bigger portions than me.

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Original poster

saltire · 05/05/2008 18:57

twig - I'm not sure. He has been to see an orthodontist, who said he needs a brace, but won't can get one until he is 12, becasue he still has baby teeth. his front teeth have a bit of an overbite, and I don't know if this is causing him to favour one side of his mouth. The dentist said there is no problems that he cans ee inside the mouth.

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vbacqueen1 · 05/05/2008 19:07

FWIW my severely dyspraxic nephew plays football for hus school and runs long distance for the county, so just because your son can play football, don't discount dyspraxia.

It often goes hand in hand with dyslexia - is it just that your son has awful handwriting (as many boys tend to have - not being sexist, it's just fact) or does he struggle with written work/reading generally?

I would definitely ask for him to be seen by a specialist if you're concerned but even though he's at the grand old age of 10, you could try something as simple as a start chart initially to see if he's just a lazy blighter! It's amazing what the promise of new game for the DS can do....

noddyholder · 05/05/2008 19:10

My ds is amazing at skateboarding but would also not be able to do monkey bars etc.The hand writing is a big giveaway as is being very disorganised and picky about textures of food and how they feel in teh mouth.Ds is v fusst but will eat lots of the same thing if he likes it.He also sits really slouchy in chairs which is also fairly classic.

stitch · 05/05/2008 19:15

you are all describing things my ds does all the time. i would never have thought he is dyspraxic. in fact i dont even know what that is, other than its an sn term.
he sits slouchily. never sits up.
eats making a huge mess
clumsy
disorganised
terrible handwriting
fussy about his food. will go hungry rather than eat something he doesn tliek the look off
never looks where he is going.
disorganised.

marmadukescarlet · 05/05/2008 19:16

My DD, although much younger (8.5), has Dyspraxia. She cannot eat neatly, is always getting blobs of stuff on her clothes, cannot decide which hand to hold cutlery in.

FWIW, her handwriting is beautiful as her main problem area is propreception (sp?)

Alambil · 05/05/2008 19:21

Just so you can all check;

Dyspraxia symptoms from the Dyspraxia Foundation

Original poster

saltire · 06/05/2008 08:20

I just remembered something else. he seems to ahve some sort of a twitch. he kind of moves his head to the sdie and makes a funny sort of "O" shape with his mouth and then seems to do something funny with his eyes, as though he is blinking to get rid of soemthing. it's not frequnet, and it is more noticeable when he is tired.

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JudgeNutmeg · 06/05/2008 08:40

Have you tried giving him a mirror propped up in front of him at mealtimes? I would couch it in terms of helping him become aware of how other people see him. Seeing the mess-making in progress might give him ideas of how he can control his eating mannerisms before it builds up to an overall mess. A simple strategy like wiping his mouth after every third mouthful could help him feel in control of himself.

bellavita · 06/05/2008 08:41

My DS1 (nearly 11) is a messy eater he sounds just like QueenMeahs DS - a dreamer.

seeker · 06/05/2008 08:48

I suppose the issue is CAN he eat properly if he has to? If you were at a smart restaurant would he be messy?

If it's won't rather than can't, I WOULD be making a fuss about it and drawing attention to it. You can't let him go to secondary school like this - the other children will be unmerciful.

seeker · 06/05/2008 08:48

I suppose the issue is CAN he eat properly if he has to? If you were at a smart restaurant would he be messy?

If it's won't rather than can't, I WOULD be making a fuss about it and drawing attention to it. You can't let him go to secondary school like this - the other children will be unmerciful.

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