Helping with confidence

[inmyera]

I have two children who are lacking in confidence.
I have a lovely tween girl who is beautiful inside and out. She is such a caring and gentle soul. She's good academically, very creative, a good athlete. A general good egg. I've noticed recently that her confidence has taken a nose dive. I know at her age it does tend to happen but I'd love to help her to see how amazing she is. She is quite tall for her age and walks with a slouch.
I would really like to help her to boost her confidence, especially before she starts secondary school.

I also have a little one in year 2. Who is amazing at a sport, in select teams, etc. Again, he can't see it and is holding himself back because of his confidence. He constantly has his nails in his mouth and crosses his arms across his body when he's playing this game, despite him being the best there.

Both their dad and I have low self-esteem and we try so hard not to show this in front of them but it's obviously rubbing off!

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get them some help? If that's therapy then what kind of therapist should I be looking for?

Thank you so much.

From what you've written I think maybe where you're going wrong is linking confidence to ability/success rather than it being an inherent basic that we all deserve.

What if your eldest was plain looking, rubbish at sport and average academically? Then you wouldn't worry because she wouldn't deserve to be confident? Or if your little one was rubbish at sport? No confidence because he has nothing to be confident about?

If you and DP are lacking confidence too, I'd question whether you were also raised this way.

Stop focussing on what they achieve and instead focus on who they are. Praise effort, not attainment. Build resilience by letting them know that it's what you put in that matters, not the end result.

Are they given age appropriate independence? That can be another barrier to self-confidence. They should feel capable. You can work on building self care skills with them.

Sounds like you all need some help with self esteem and self confidence, as you and their dad can be saying all the wrong things which they copy

There are self help books, but some CBT or work with a good OT could really help you to fake it til you make it.

You need to start making factual statements about everyday things. Mummy has cooked really well today and this meal is delicious
Daddy has driven the car all the way to grannies and he did brilliantly with that tricky junction

You can do less gendered statements, but you as parents need to model people who have confidence and belief in your own abilities