Life

[Ainsley24]

Very sensitive 9yo boy who is worried about death and the fear of only having 1 life and what happens after you die? Looking for advise and anyone else who has experienced this with children

I was like this @Ainsley24 I remember vague fears about it even when I was little but they ramped up when I was around 10 I think. Having a best friend who's family were very intense Christians and hearing regularly about people going to hell certainly didn't help...

I'm 36 now and if I'm totally honest it's still a fear for me and I have to try not to let myself go there or I get a tight or cold feeling come over me. It's not just about myself either it's the thought of loved ones dying and some day everyone I know not being here or nobody who knows me being around. The unknown of what happens afterwards and the finality of it. Like almost every other Thing that's a fear you can conceivably avoid (in theory) but death is completely inevitable.

I never really told my parents how I felt beyond a general worry though. And I don't talk to others about it in real life now either because I'm too embarrassed.

Pretty sure people will be on in a minute to tell me I'm ridiculous, but it is what it is.

I'm perfectly functional adult though! Job, house, husband, child, hobbies. I just try not to think about it too much now. But it's there, in the back of my mind.

I guess just be supportive and listen and if you think it's getting to a point where it's really affecting him, maybe see if there's anyone he could talk to?

I also remember going through the whole fear of dying phase when I was young but when it's your own child asking the questions that i don't know the answers to but trying to be reassuring is very difficult. I don't know the answers to the questions he's asking and I don't suppose anyone does but just wondering if anyone else with young children are going through or have gone through the same thing?

We had this at the same age for a few months, couldn’t sleep as always thinking about dying. Fortunately we hadn’t had a bereavement that set it off. We just lay in the dark together at bed time and I talked about how none of us knows what happens and what some people believe and then talk about Buddhism for example and how some believe white feathers are a sign of the spirit of the person. We talked about being buried/ cremated and the body being separate to the spirit of the person. It was thought provoking but after a few months he stopped asking/worrying. I think all I really managed to do was help with the fear and to comfort as it’s an unanswerable question. He did come into my bed suddenly in the middle of the night sometimes, having woken and now thinking about dying and unable to go back to sleep. I’d always said he could if he was worried and that helped. It could take a while but knowing your safe and loved and can talk about such things gives comfort

Went through similar - was really hard. He had several short phases of being quite fixated on it then eventually moved on. I was worried and tried to be reassuring, listen but also limit time spent on it. I got some good cbt style books for children about managing worry. I think this is quite typical and will pass (hard to see at the time)

I remember this phase, it happened for me from late junior school and occupied ny thoughts quite a lot in quiet times at home. It intensified around the death of a young family friend and Princess Diana. I was also terrified of my parents ever dying even if I was an adult. I never told my parents. The fear went into the background in my teen years and since being an adult I don't have it at all except the normal fears around keeping my kids and husband safe and healthy and keeping myself safe and healthy for the kids.