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Parenting

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Original poster

When did you stop 'putting your child to bed' ?

46 replies

sleepfortheweek · 14/01/2025 22:17

I have two DDs who are 7.5 and 10. My DH and I take turn about doing their beds every night, which involves us getting into bed with them to read them some of a book and then giving them a cuddle before they either read themselves for a bit or listen to an audiobook.

I've become aware through friends that a lot of children who are the same age as DD1 just go up to bed themselves and read/watch tv etc.

I'm 100% happy with our current set up and will continue as long as our DDs want us to but I'm just interested in when your DC went to bed independently?

I honestly can't remember at what point I just said goodnight to my parents and went off to bed myself, but it was definitely before secondary school. I've got very fond memories of my mum reading to me though.

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EconomyClassRockstar · 14/01/2025 22:55

I think this should be entirely down to the child and not the parent. They get to the stage of wanting bedtime privacy themselves but it's different for every child. I would always pop my head around the door and check on them, say goodnight and blow them a kiss as I went to bed, right up until they left home.

The bedtime story reading ended around 10, I think. Although, whenever we were in a hotel room or tent together, we would choose a book and I'd read it to us all. Now I've thought about this, I want them to all come home from Uni/adulting so I can do it again! 😭😂

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 14/01/2025 22:58

My 9 year old (and 12 year old) put themselves to bed. They do their teeth and wash face etc and get into bed. Older one likes to go straight to sleep, little one reads to herself for 15 mins before sleep. She goes up before the older one. She wanted to be independent and sort herself out which is fine by me. I think she feels a bit old to be read to and much prefers to read at her own pace instead.

neither child will go to bed without our nightly handshake though (each child has their own one). Sometimes they come and search for me to make sure we do it! When DS went away with school we did the handshake 3 times before he went so we were sorted 😂

Fontainebleau007 · 14/01/2025 22:58

My two boys haven't wanted us to tuck them in for a few years (8 &10) but on the other hand I loved my mum saying good night to me and tucking me in up until I was a teen.

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Ceecee2422 · 14/01/2025 23:00

My eldest are 10 and 12 and will say goodnight downstairs, can’t remember when I last went up with them, a good while ago definitely……..

Missionimprobable · 14/01/2025 23:00

My dd moved back in to save for a house deposit, she was 30 yrs old and I still went in every night to kiss her goodnight, on the odd occasion I forgot she'd text me to say "you didn't kiss me goodnight "
We're very close though.
She's married now with a baby, we speak every day and text all day long.
I kinda miss it

SadSandwich · 14/01/2025 23:00

I always thought about when the opposite sex to me and DH would feel uncomfortable. In many ways we, as the adults told our kids that it wasn’t appropriate any longer.

merryhouse · 14/01/2025 23:09

About 6? Maybe 5. But the reading was never part of bedtime anyway, and S1 read to himself instead from 5-ish.

They'd go up and get themselves ready, and then we'd go up to kiss goodnight. For a good few years S2 would call out "I'm in!" S1 was half an hour later so had to be quieter

I remember I was on the phone to my sister once when S1 trotted past me saying goodnight... she was mildly stunned

I think the kiss goodnight lasted till at least the end of primary school. Not sure now.

motherofonegirl · 14/01/2025 23:14

I posted a very similar question a few weeks ago and got quite different responses - it's nice to see some people continue to tuck their child in as long as they can.

Doremisofarsogood · 14/01/2025 23:19

Reading stories with DD (now 11) probably stopped a couple of years ago, I go up with her and chat while she's getting ready for bed (I say chat, it's mostly "stop faffing" "hurry up" etc!) then get her settled to read for a bit. Then back up to make sure she puts the book down and settles down to sleep, tuck her in and try for a hug but mostly get a one armed lean! She likes a chat at bedtime but that's mostly to string it out rather than a meaningful conversation!

Original poster

sleepfortheweek · 14/01/2025 23:20

SadSandwich · 14/01/2025 23:00

I always thought about when the opposite sex to me and DH would feel uncomfortable. In many ways we, as the adults told our kids that it wasn’t appropriate any longer.

What do you mean not appropriate?

OP posts:

Xiaoxiong · 14/01/2025 23:22

Mine are hulking 11 and 13 yo DSs and put themselves to bed, I still come up to say goodnight once they're in bed and have a little chat and snuggle them up if they let me (50/50 chance!)

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 14/01/2025 23:30

Mine was 10ish and it was because we bought him a cabin bed! I really didn't think it through - went up to say goodnight and snuggle in for a bit as I usually did, then realised I couldn't actually get into the bed. It was a bit sad!

Then he hit late teens and started coming in to talk to me at midnight...

Minikievs · 14/01/2025 23:35

Tween DD gets tucked in every night.
Mid teen DS gets his phone taken off him when I go to bed (mostly. Sometimes I go up earlier and so leave it with him) so he still gets tucked in of sorts 😂
A few weeks ago I got into bed assuming he was happy to stay up. He was, but was very disgruntled that although he was happy to stay up, he hadn't been tucked in!

Spondoolie · 15/01/2025 07:38

I go in and hug mine in bed for 5-10 minutes once they are in and snuggled. DS14 DD12.
if they have anything they want to talk about, that is ALWAYS the time!

Paradoes · 15/01/2025 07:40

Our are 10&11 and we don’t have to put them to bed as such but both want a cuddle and a chat and maybe some night a story. I think when dh puts them down they play wrestling or pillow fights 😂😂

bloodredfeaturewall · 15/01/2025 07:44

when dc stopped enjoying it.
we still have a chat/read a book together with our teens before bed.
oldest is in their last year of school!

hummingbird12 · 15/01/2025 07:55

My eldest is 8 and no plans to stop anytime soon.
I love laying with her and reading and chatting about her day. Life's so busy that I feel like it's the only time we properly get to stop and talk.
Still lay in bed with dd 3 to get her to sleep. No idea when then will stop either as she's very attached but I've no problem with it

Pashazade · 15/01/2025 08:31

This thread has made me happy as I was thinking the night time hugs might stop soon as DS is 13. We stopped stories a few year ago, but always do a hug and sometimes a chat even though it's usually 10pm when he goes to sleep!

EmeraldDreams73 · 15/01/2025 08:36

Dd16 gets herself sorted of course but ALWAYS calls downstairs to let me know she's ready for bed! I then go up and say goodnight. She loves it, usually it's a quick kiss and goodnight, occasionally it's the time where she vents or has a meltdown about something.

Dd20 is at uni but when home she frequently asks me to "tuck her in", or if I'm going to bed earlier than she is, she'll come in and "tuck me in". It's really sweet and 100% their choice.

MarioLink · 15/01/2025 14:47

We have been able to send DD up to bed since she started showering instead of having a bath at aged 8. We do still read to her once she's ready though and she's 10. I think it's great to read to them for as long as possible. We often read more classics than what she chooses herself. She does sometimes need encouragement to hurry up getting ready for bed as she sometimes goes very slowly or gets distracted. She's not allowed screens at bedtime.

lorisparkle · 15/01/2025 14:58

Ds1 is 18 - when he is home from uni I just call 'good night' as I go to bed

Ds2 is 16 - I try and get him off the computer and say good night as I go to bed

Ds3 is 14 - most of the time I still give him a cuddle and send him to bed, if he is not in bed already, as I am starting to get ready for bed.

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