Is my relationship dead after baby?

[Rach7291]

I really need some advice. My partner and I have been together for almost 7 years. We had our baby girl 7 months ago. We’ve always had issues with sex. His sex drive is non existent and mine is quite high. He’s not up for trying new things, basically just likes 2 things and thats it. We have had so many conversations about this over the years and how it makes me feel. Everytime we talk, he says he will make more effort and wants to do this stuff but never does. We’ve had sex twice since i gave birth. He doesn’t kiss me passionately, just a little peck. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so unwanted but nothing I say to him seems to make any difference to how he is with me. Just to say, he is the nicest man and a brilliant dad, i can’t fault that. What would you do?

Does he know this is a deal-breaker for you?

@Yourfootisinmysirachamayo yes we have spoken about it alot

It sounds like you have two options then. Accept that he won't change and stay at the sacrifice of a fulfilling sex life, or issue a final ultimatum. You both agree to work towards a better sex life together or you leave the relationship.

Sorry you're going through a hard time 💐

My partner and I had sex only a handful of times between conceiving my daughter and her being about 15 months. It took another year to get back to normal frequency. I had hyperemesis, a broken rib followed by severe pnd.
She's now 4 and the relationship as strong if not stronger than before and intimacy is better than ever as long as life isn't too draining.
I've had depression on and off through out our nearly 20 year relationship and it has always had an impact on our sex life as it kills my limbo and any desire for intimacy. It takes time to move through it but we always get back to normal. I do try to make an effort to show I do see my partner during these times. If I feel up to it making him a nice meal, buying dessert just because that sort of thing.

The difference I think between our relationship is mine goes through peaks and troughs and there's usually a cause and effect. From your description it sounds more of a mismatch in what you are looking for in an intimate relationship made worse by a young baby. Take sex out of the equation for a moment and go back to basics. How can you show one another that your feelings matter. How can you show one another affection. From here start to move back towards sex.

Have you ever had any counselling about this? Do you think it might be helpful to talk it through with someone - together or separately?

So it's always been like this, not just since you had a kid.
Depends what you want- live as housemates, date other men, dump him and raise your child 50/50.
Would you be able to house yourself?

@Superscientist he has had therapy before and it changed nothing. I've told him so many times how this is affecting me and still it doesn't change. I can't imagine not being with him but i don't know where to go from here

'still doesn't change'

This is ok though. Anything else would be him having sex he does not want.

Your choices are within your control.

It's a difficult situation there's only so much you can do to change a relationship and if there is only one party trying to do the changing it's unlikely to make any meaningful difference.
It doesn't sound like this relationship has been fulfilling your needs for a while now. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? What would need to change for you to feel more contented with the relationship and what would need to change for you to feel ready to step away? Questions for you to ponder you don't have to answer them

@Dror i don't want him to have sex he doesn't want. My issue is that he says he wants it to be different, but then does nothing different. I've said to him before that if he happy with how our sex life is then to just be honest and say that, but he always says he's not happy with it.