How do you cope with parental anxiety?

[anxiousforever]

Please be gentle, I'm struggling at the moment. I have postpartum anxiety after having second DC a year ago, but I've always struggled since becoming a mum.
It is consuming me, and I don't know where to turn. I'm wondering if anyone can recommend treatment, medication, or anything that helped them.
Specifically I struggle with germophobia and emetophobia, and general worry about my baby becoming sick. I've always been a germophobe but nothing like this. Emetophobia has come about due to having HG in my second pregnancy and vomiting round the clock for 9 full months. It was horrendous, and I don't think I've fully recovered mentally from it.
It's becoming so bad I'm scared to take my children out anywhere in case they catch something. My eldest is in school and I make them strip when they come in the door and wash hands for 10 mins. Even the park scares me in terms of germ exposure. I overcook or burn all our food as I'm so scared I'll poison everyone. I wear nitrile gloves all the time, to do anything other than touch my baby. Even so, My hands are red raw with gaping wounds from the amount of scrubbing, hand gel etc. My biggest worry is that we all become terribly unwell and I can't care for my kids. My partner is useless, that is a whole other thread. I am effectively a single parent as he works away 90% of the time. The house is mine and all bills and housekeeping etc. is on me. I work full time also (mat leave). So, I have no help if the kids are sick. My parents would help but they are old and I worry about passing things onto them.
I've gone to my GP and explained all of this, he wasn't particularly helpful. Because I am breastfeeding (which I won't give up due to protection it gives my DC/again linked to anxiety) he was reluctant to recommend medication. He said the wait for talking therapy was long and to go to my HV. The HV wasn't great either, recommended group settings to talk to other mums. Whilst I appreciate this would no doubt be helpful, getting me out the house to sit with a bunch of people in a small room is literally what my phobias don't allow me to do. I don't want to be around people or exposed to germs.
I realise how this all sounds. I know I need to sort it out before it affects my children. But I am lost, I've lost 3 stone in 10 months I think due to the stress of everything; and my baby doesn't sleep well so I'm terribly sleep deprived. I just feel it snowballing and controlling my life. Please if anyone has experience I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

I had awful intrusive thoughts and ppa after my son was born. Best thing I ever did was speak to the health visitor and to be honest she gave me the same advice. My intrusive thoughts (I'm not going to go into them incase they're triggering) were all focused on things happening outside of my home so as you can imagine that made it very difficult to go out. But it was exactly what I needed to do to challenge the anxiety/intrusive thoughts and 'prove' to myself it would be OK. It only really subsided properly when I was back at work out of the house every day and I had no choice but to trust ds was being looked after ok at nursery. None of it felt good or comfortable but I had to push through. Counselling also helped. I also found that mine was very closely linked to sleep - the less sleep I got the worse my anxiety and intrusive thoughts were. I also gave up drinking altogether because even one drink of alcohol seemed to make me feel much worse the following day.

I'd just say not all gps or hv are great with mental health so if you feel like you've been fobbed off you need to go back to a different gp. You need to speak to your partner or any support network you have to start prioritising your own health first. YOU are the cog that keeps everything turning so you need to be supported to eat well and rest and sleep. If it's consuming your life the way you describe then I think going back to a different gp and being brutally honest about exactly how badly this is affecting you is essential. It could also be work seeing if there is a perinatal mental health team in your area who could offer support.

It's really hard op and you're doing great looking after your babies in the midst of it all. You deserve to be heard and supported.

Thank you so much @Lavender14 for your reply. I do hope going back to work will help. My LO will also go to nursery and I know the influx of illnesses which will come with it. I have no choice but to face this period and deal with it. Of course that terrifies me.
I will try again for a GP appt but it's hard to ask for someone else. I might have more luck with HV. Knowing it will eventually get better is helpful. I do think I have too much time to worry/obsess at the moment. Being up every two hours is unhelpful as I can't get back to sleep due to the anxiety.
I don't drink but struggle to eat at the moment too. I know I need to look after myself more. Thanks again.