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3yr old DS - is this behaviour normal?

2 replies

Greenrailings · 13/01/2025 09:38

No idea how to approach this, so Mumsnet seems like the best place to ask for advice!

Just-turned-3 year old DS is displaying behaviour that I find worrying. No idea of it's normal or not - never had anything like this with older DD.

On two occassions now, we have caught him playing "doctors" with his same-aged cousin, involving looking under clothes (including private parts, but not totally sure). Our son instigates this game. SIL says nephew is fine and he hasnt reported anything untoward, thankfulky.

Each time, DS has firmly been told that it's not OK to touch or ask to see anyone else's private parts, and not to lift clothing. We've always taught and modelled to both our children about boundaries and consent, but he's obviously still very young so I don't know how much he really understands.

He also spends a great deal of time undressing and looking at DD's barbies. I haven't told him off about this, but I have asked him what he's up to and why he's taking their clothes off - he doesn't answer!

I know that this is probably, in itself, perfectly normal and innocent childish curiosity BUT:

He's really sneaky about it. If we walk into a room while he's undressing barbies, he tells us to go away and gets upset or angry. He's shown the same behaviour when playing doctors with his cousin (a relationship which I now feel I have to vigilently supervise). He clearly knows he shouldn't be doing it and he tries to hide what he' doing - it's this aspect that I'm finding most alarming.

Is this typical or are we right to be worried? How should we handle it??

He's a sweet boy - a bit of a handful, and a totally different child to parent than our eldest, but I think he's generally a pretty classic three year old!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Yourethebeerthief · 13/01/2025 10:28

He's likely being sneaky and now a bit overly interested because your first response was to firmly tell him that it's not ok, and to ask him what he's doing when he's undressing dolls.

I'm not judging. I've had so many moments with my 3 year old where I've thought "shit. Got that wrong". And I've had to try to rewind and reset. It's like when we accidentally swear in front of kids and they copy- our reaction dictates how it's going to go after that.

I would cool off with him. Let him undress Barbie's all he likes. Play doctors with him with teddies and just model all the things doctors can do: giving medicine, plasters, using a stethoscope etc. Next time he's playing with his cousin just keep an eye on him and redirect if he starts trying to get sneaky looks in pants.

Keep up with the underpants and privacy conversations with him but maybe cool off on any big reactions in the moment of playing or it'll just cause him to want to do it even more.

Greenrailings · 13/01/2025 10:46

That's great advice @Yourethebeerthief thank you. Especially playing doctors with him, that hadn't occurred to me.

I think we probably did over-correct. DH and I were so taken aback that we likely went in a bit too heavy with our reaction. We'll chill out a bit and see how it goes.

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