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4 year old telling very bad lies

4 replies

mumofoneDS · 11/01/2025 09:53

I'm beginning to worry about my 4.5 year old DS and the lies he's coming out with

It's always been very small lies at first - ie 'yes I washed my hands after the toilet' when I know he hasn't

Usually I just said 'we don't tell lies DS, now go back and wash your hands please'

But now he's starting to tell bad lies about other people! First it was that his great auntie on his dads side 'punched him in the eye' which he said to me, I knew this wasn't true as he'd never even been alone with his auntie, we only see her when we pop round together etc

I told him we do not tell these lies, it's a very bad choice and can get people in trouble etc

He apologised and said he wouldn't say that again

And now he's just told a family member that 'daddy hits and kicks him'! I'm absolutely baffled, my partner barley even tells him off he's that soft with him and I know for a fact he's never laid a finger on him

Ultimately again, he did admit it was a lie

But how do I nip this in the bud? There's no reason he should be saying these things, he has a very happy stable life, nothing that could have unsettled him to start telling bad lies!

A part of me wants to tell him off, but then another part of me is worried he won't come to me with issues if he really is telling the truth then. I'm also worried he'll start saying things at school also. Is this normal? What can I do? 😔

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Tinselinthewhoopsiebasket · 11/01/2025 09:56

Lying is a life skill apparently.. Instead of calling him out with the lie suggest he was joking and get him to admit it was a joke... Then move on to jokes are meant to be funny... If he can read buy a joke book. Ds amused himself and us learning jokes and becoming the family entertainer..

mumofoneDS · 11/01/2025 09:59

I guess my main worry is, what if he says this about someone in the future and he's actually telling the truth. I won't know whether to believe him or not! I will fight his corner til my last breath but there has to be that element of trust, it's hard 😩

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Yellowseat · 11/01/2025 10:01

My sister and nephew lie and lied all of the time. They were both diagnosed with ADHD and had a lot of life trauma to process both of which contributed to the lies, I believe. The impulsiveness of ADHD and interest in cause and effect definitely played a part in their behaviour and the trauma had other impacts.

Could your son have ND/past trauma?

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mumofoneDS · 11/01/2025 10:14

No past trauma but the school have mentioned ADHD to me due to extreme hyperactivity and unable to sit down on the carpet etc (and a few more things) and are planning to aid a referral in the summer once they have two terms of evidence

So I guess yes the lying could be impulse etc but I still don't understand why he'd do it. People say oh he might be attention seeking, but he gets SO much love and attention - he genuinely is the happiest little boy ever at home ☹️

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